(no subject)
I'm no fun anymore.
I am surprised by this because I never really thought I was fun to begin with. I have let potential friendships wither away simply because I am no fun. I don't really like going out. There are some days when I wake up and I want to go shopping or I want to go for a walk because it is warm and beautiful, but more often than not I just want to sit and talk or let the television be a substitute for words. I dislike it immensely when things are expected of me and this is my biggest problem with school. I worry myself deep into the ground thinking about all the things I need to get done because they are numbered on a syllabus or have come out of the mouth of my professors. I will be happy when this week is over. I will be very happy when I buckle down and write my final paper of my freshman year, which I started tonight, but cannot finish because the word "down" looked misspelled over and over and that made me worried for my mental clarity.
I have a lot of time up here to do things like work out and worry and watch Showgirls with Natalya. I have a lot of time to sit in my room alone and listen to music and fight sleep. I wish I could spend such time (with the exception of time spent working out and seeing people like Natalya) viewing apartments or getting a job in Falmouth for the summer or having an interview for the Honors Department at UMASS Boston. I don't have blocks of time during the weekdays that allow for such occurrences, but these are the things I worry about the most. I must've asked Azlan 7 or 8 times in the span of 2 hours if he thought I could schedule my cleaning shift at work on a Saturday in order to get an interview for Wednesday and maybe even an apartment viewing. He had no idea.
I am thinking that a box, some duct tape, and a tarp might be in order for Raf and I since we cannot seem to find a place to live to save our lives. There is a conspiracy against us, created by realty agencies in Boston that is making it impossible for even them to find places we are supposed to view. What the fuck?
I really hope I get the job at MBL I was interviewed for yesterday. I would work with rats and mice and bunnies and clean their cages and not really mind at all. I need $$$$$$$$$$ and lots of it.
What I will miss about UMASS:
+Natalya Betzig (who has partially restored my faith in girls as friends).
+Make your own stir-fries with Cat.
+Amato, Grayson, and Azlan when they aren't sassing me or skipping class.
+How warm and pretty it is right now.
+Chris Wetherbee and all the porn/rap/ridiculous videos we shared together.
+Ryan O'Flanagan.
+The larger pool of people to judge.
+Working at Peoples' Market.
What I won't miss about UMASS:
+Gaby Segalla, world's shittiest roommate.
+Will Baldwin.
+Pretty much 99.9% of my dorm.
+Walking up the hill 2-4 times a day and STILL being out of breath.
+Having to remember my keys/shoes when I need to pee.
+The complete and total lack of privacy I experience pretty much 24/7.
+Bros.
+Hoes.
+Getting fucked up because there's nothing else to do.
+Getting fucked up because people won't stop giving me shit until I do.
+The food here. CHICKEN STUFFED WITH HAM?!?!
+The lack of Raf Hickey.
+The shitty people who work at the gym.
+The shitty, hellishly hot condition of the gym.
+English classes taught by people without basic command of the English language.
You can see all my flaws here. The crookedness in my nose. The bags beneath my eyes. I am as tired as that all the time and there is nothing wrong. I eat right. I exercise. I get 8 hours of sleep a night. I take my vitamins. I do not have anemia or any thyroid issues. I don't know. I am the picture of health besides the extra beats of my heart, but I still feel like shit pretty much all the time.
I think the summer will help. I think more sun and more people I genuinely care about will amend a lot of the problems I am having, as well as the ones I make for myself. I will try to be more comfortable with my body. I have lost 11 lbs since I started working out and eating better, but I still feel heavy and disgusting when I look in the mirror.
Also, I missed the episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent where David Cross plays Howard K. Stern. I can honestly say I'm devastated. FUCK!
I am surprised by this because I never really thought I was fun to begin with. I have let potential friendships wither away simply because I am no fun. I don't really like going out. There are some days when I wake up and I want to go shopping or I want to go for a walk because it is warm and beautiful, but more often than not I just want to sit and talk or let the television be a substitute for words. I dislike it immensely when things are expected of me and this is my biggest problem with school. I worry myself deep into the ground thinking about all the things I need to get done because they are numbered on a syllabus or have come out of the mouth of my professors. I will be happy when this week is over. I will be very happy when I buckle down and write my final paper of my freshman year, which I started tonight, but cannot finish because the word "down" looked misspelled over and over and that made me worried for my mental clarity.
I have a lot of time up here to do things like work out and worry and watch Showgirls with Natalya. I have a lot of time to sit in my room alone and listen to music and fight sleep. I wish I could spend such time (with the exception of time spent working out and seeing people like Natalya) viewing apartments or getting a job in Falmouth for the summer or having an interview for the Honors Department at UMASS Boston. I don't have blocks of time during the weekdays that allow for such occurrences, but these are the things I worry about the most. I must've asked Azlan 7 or 8 times in the span of 2 hours if he thought I could schedule my cleaning shift at work on a Saturday in order to get an interview for Wednesday and maybe even an apartment viewing. He had no idea.
I am thinking that a box, some duct tape, and a tarp might be in order for Raf and I since we cannot seem to find a place to live to save our lives. There is a conspiracy against us, created by realty agencies in Boston that is making it impossible for even them to find places we are supposed to view. What the fuck?
I really hope I get the job at MBL I was interviewed for yesterday. I would work with rats and mice and bunnies and clean their cages and not really mind at all. I need $$$$$$$$$$ and lots of it.
What I will miss about UMASS:
+Natalya Betzig (who has partially restored my faith in girls as friends).
+Make your own stir-fries with Cat.
+Amato, Grayson, and Azlan when they aren't sassing me or skipping class.
+How warm and pretty it is right now.
+Chris Wetherbee and all the porn/rap/ridiculous videos we shared together.
+Ryan O'Flanagan.
+The larger pool of people to judge.
+Working at Peoples' Market.
What I won't miss about UMASS:
+Gaby Segalla, world's shittiest roommate.
+Will Baldwin.
+Pretty much 99.9% of my dorm.
+Walking up the hill 2-4 times a day and STILL being out of breath.
+Having to remember my keys/shoes when I need to pee.
+The complete and total lack of privacy I experience pretty much 24/7.
+Bros.
+Hoes.
+Getting fucked up because there's nothing else to do.
+Getting fucked up because people won't stop giving me shit until I do.
+The food here. CHICKEN STUFFED WITH HAM?!?!
+The lack of Raf Hickey.
+The shitty people who work at the gym.
+The shitty, hellishly hot condition of the gym.
+English classes taught by people without basic command of the English language.
You can see all my flaws here. The crookedness in my nose. The bags beneath my eyes. I am as tired as that all the time and there is nothing wrong. I eat right. I exercise. I get 8 hours of sleep a night. I take my vitamins. I do not have anemia or any thyroid issues. I don't know. I am the picture of health besides the extra beats of my heart, but I still feel like shit pretty much all the time.
I think the summer will help. I think more sun and more people I genuinely care about will amend a lot of the problems I am having, as well as the ones I make for myself. I will try to be more comfortable with my body. I have lost 11 lbs since I started working out and eating better, but I still feel heavy and disgusting when I look in the mirror.
Also, I missed the episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent where David Cross plays Howard K. Stern. I can honestly say I'm devastated. FUCK!