You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
Fell asleep tonight for a while...Wish I hadn't now.
I mean, it's not that I don't need to....
I slept 5 hours this week.....
I dunno, maybe it's enough. Probably I s'pose.
Today I discoverd that, while I may give others feet of leniency...I refuse to allow myself an inch.
And if I take even that, I destroy myself.
[Let the destruction begin I guess]
I thank those of you who don't take even the slightest bit of ground I'm willing to give.
I wondered what would happen if I broke my neck today...just snapped it somehow, and then kinda lay there and twitched for a while.
If this were to happen, I must ask if there are any amoung you who'd be willing to kill me? All I can say is that I'm positive that I'd have no desire to remain alive if I my mobility was lost...I wouldn't care how you did it, so long as it was done.
...Monahan..I'm looking at you here...
Sick of failing so much recently.
The more effort you apply, the more disappointment just lacerates your spirit.
You can strive for hours, days, weeks....months in my case...
I'm in the same position as I was a year ago.
I know I'll never forgive myself if I give up.
But
More and more I realize that I'm fighting a hopeless battle.
I fear it's time to let go.
And take this bullet I've been biting square in the face...
I think that what I need is a day where I can put one foot in front of the other and not succeed in reminding myself of all the ways I'll fail you.
But that's purely speculation.
I mean, it's not that I don't need to....
I slept 5 hours this week.....
I dunno, maybe it's enough. Probably I s'pose.
Today I discoverd that, while I may give others feet of leniency...I refuse to allow myself an inch.
And if I take even that, I destroy myself.
[Let the destruction begin I guess]
I thank those of you who don't take even the slightest bit of ground I'm willing to give.
I wondered what would happen if I broke my neck today...just snapped it somehow, and then kinda lay there and twitched for a while.
If this were to happen, I must ask if there are any amoung you who'd be willing to kill me? All I can say is that I'm positive that I'd have no desire to remain alive if I my mobility was lost...I wouldn't care how you did it, so long as it was done.
...Monahan..I'm looking at you here...
Sick of failing so much recently.
The more effort you apply, the more disappointment just lacerates your spirit.
You can strive for hours, days, weeks....months in my case...
I'm in the same position as I was a year ago.
I know I'll never forgive myself if I give up.
But
More and more I realize that I'm fighting a hopeless battle.
I fear it's time to let go.
And take this bullet I've been biting square in the face...
I think that what I need is a day where I can put one foot in front of the other and not succeed in reminding myself of all the ways I'll fail you.
But that's purely speculation.