Entry zero zero TWO! (forward dated to tonight)
[Richtofen is obviously drunk, probably from all the eggnog he found in the refridgerator. But it's Christmas Eve and the Doctor will get as smashed as he damn well pleases.]
If-- if I may have everyone's attention. Zhe Doctor has a Christmas story for you, zhat my grandfazher used to tell me vhen I vas a little, little youngling.
... Okay, zhat is a lie. I made zhe story up. It goes like zhis, ahem:
'Twas zhe night before Christmas, und all zhrough zhe house
Not a creature vas stirring, except for a mouse;
Zhe shotguns vere hung by zhe chimney vith care,
In hopes zhat Zombie Claus soon vould be zhere;
Takeo und Dempsey vere snug in zheir beds,
Vhile visions of murder danced in zheir heads;
Und Nikolai in his 'kerchief, und I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long vinter's nap,
Vhen out on zhe lawn zhere arose such a clamor,
I reached for my Luger und pulled back zhe hammer.
Avay to zhe vindow I flew wizhout haste,
Tore open zhe shutters und began to lay waste, ahaha...
Zhe blood on zhe breast of zhe new-fallen dead
Gave zhe luster of rubies all glistening und red,
Vhen, vhat to my vondering eyes should I see,
But a miniature sleigh pulled by filthy monkeys...
Und zhen, as I stood vith my mouth all agape
I heard zhe moaning und gnawing of zhose damn dirty apes.
As I drew back zhe trigger, all set for zhe kill,
Down zhe chimney came Zombie Claus - ah ha ha, vhat a thrill!
He vas wearing zhe flesh he tore from St. Nick,
Und his clothes vere all bloody...
[Richtofen suddenly trails off. He takes another swig of Eggnog. It's a few seconds before he remembers that he was in the middle of something.]
--Oh, right.
A bundle of limbs poked out from his sack,
Und he looked like a hobo, just having a snack.
His eyes vere glazed over... his nose was not zhere!
His cheeks vere half eaten, but he had not a care!
Zhe drool from his mouth spilled onto zhe floor,
Und zhe stench from his carcass, I simply adored;
Zhe stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,
Und he vore some intestines on his head like a wreath;
He had sores on his face und a distended belly,
Zhat shook vhen he moaned, like a bowlful of jelly.
He vas deliciously gaunt, it made me giggle,
Und I laughed und I laughed... I vet myself a little;
A wink of his eye as it “popped” from his head,
Oh how I love, zhe sexy undead;
He spoke not a vord, und vent straight for my heart,
As I leveled my 12-Gauge; und blew him apart,
On zhe floor lay his finger aside of his nose,
On zhe tree, like ornaments, vere his teeth und his toes;
Und zhen in an instant, he sprang back to life,
I zhrew down zhe gun, und reached for my knife.
But up zhe chimney he vent, as he gave me zhe finger,
“Nein!” I shouted. “You must stay. You must linger!”
Und I heard Zombie Claus moan, as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-bite."
Und... zhat's it.
[Pause.]
I can't feel my nose...
If-- if I may have everyone's attention. Zhe Doctor has a Christmas story for you, zhat my grandfazher used to tell me vhen I vas a little, little youngling.
... Okay, zhat is a lie. I made zhe story up. It goes like zhis, ahem:
'Twas zhe night before Christmas, und all zhrough zhe house
Not a creature vas stirring, except for a mouse;
Zhe shotguns vere hung by zhe chimney vith care,
In hopes zhat Zombie Claus soon vould be zhere;
Takeo und Dempsey vere snug in zheir beds,
Vhile visions of murder danced in zheir heads;
Und Nikolai in his 'kerchief, und I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long vinter's nap,
Vhen out on zhe lawn zhere arose such a clamor,
I reached for my Luger und pulled back zhe hammer.
Avay to zhe vindow I flew wizhout haste,
Tore open zhe shutters und began to lay waste, ahaha...
Zhe blood on zhe breast of zhe new-fallen dead
Gave zhe luster of rubies all glistening und red,
Vhen, vhat to my vondering eyes should I see,
But a miniature sleigh pulled by filthy monkeys...
Und zhen, as I stood vith my mouth all agape
I heard zhe moaning und gnawing of zhose damn dirty apes.
As I drew back zhe trigger, all set for zhe kill,
Down zhe chimney came Zombie Claus - ah ha ha, vhat a thrill!
He vas wearing zhe flesh he tore from St. Nick,
Und his clothes vere all bloody...
[Richtofen suddenly trails off. He takes another swig of Eggnog. It's a few seconds before he remembers that he was in the middle of something.]
--Oh, right.
A bundle of limbs poked out from his sack,
Und he looked like a hobo, just having a snack.
His eyes vere glazed over... his nose was not zhere!
His cheeks vere half eaten, but he had not a care!
Zhe drool from his mouth spilled onto zhe floor,
Und zhe stench from his carcass, I simply adored;
Zhe stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,
Und he vore some intestines on his head like a wreath;
He had sores on his face und a distended belly,
Zhat shook vhen he moaned, like a bowlful of jelly.
He vas deliciously gaunt, it made me giggle,
Und I laughed und I laughed... I vet myself a little;
A wink of his eye as it “popped” from his head,
Oh how I love, zhe sexy undead;
He spoke not a vord, und vent straight for my heart,
As I leveled my 12-Gauge; und blew him apart,
On zhe floor lay his finger aside of his nose,
On zhe tree, like ornaments, vere his teeth und his toes;
Und zhen in an instant, he sprang back to life,
I zhrew down zhe gun, und reached for my knife.
But up zhe chimney he vent, as he gave me zhe finger,
“Nein!” I shouted. “You must stay. You must linger!”
Und I heard Zombie Claus moan, as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-bite."
Und... zhat's it.
[Pause.]
I can't feel my nose...