Late for the Loving
I have about 4 hours till Cibola's prom. I have my hair done, makeup ready, dress cleaned, nails done...and I dont want to go at all. I wanted to go to Cibola's prom to have something to look forward too through all of the misery I have been feeling over the past month. Now...well out of all of the days...out of all of the Saturday's...this one had to ruin it all
I've been talking to James a lot more. We've been calling each other as of late, and I saw him Thursday night. It felt like things were back to normal, and for the first time in a month, he said I love you. He always asks me the question "why do you love me" and it always feels like I'll never have the right words to say to him. I honestly have no words that could do it justice, I just do. He makes me happy, and he is wonderful, and he has shown me that love isn't about being with each other all the time, and saying it 24-7. Its means, through all of the bullshit, all of the drama, to say "I love you" and still mean it. Its been crazy without him, and he knows that I've missed him more than words can say. He seemed a little more excited about me going to Tucson, though the thoughts of cheating still run in his head. The sad part is, that I am worried he will do that same thing...But he told me "I love you, dont forget that." I wont forget what he said, oh no...the sad part is that I'm afraid to believe him. He invited me to go see a movie tonight with him, and my heart sank. It was hard to tell him that I was already going off to Prom at the base, I mean the whole reason I wanted to go to prom was because it was on base, it was closer to him. Now he didn't sound too please that I was going on a "date" as he called it. if I could I would call Oscar now and cancel the whole thing, but I cant, its too late, and now I even regret agreeing to this. I would give up anything to spend a night with James, but I already agreed to something, and I cant back down. I want to try to get out of there as soon as I can, and hopefully have time to see if James is willing to spend it with me. next weekend he is going to Tucson, so I wont have the chance to be with him, and I wont for a while it seems. I just want to see him before I go to Puerto Rico...I wont want to leave without seeing him.
School ends in about 2 weeks, and it still doesn't feel real to me. All it feels like is another day, another week, and another eternity there. Usually around this time, the anxiety is killing some, and the need to graduate is like the need for a drug, for me though, it doesn't feel like anything, and I dont know when it will. I just know in August, things will never be the same again
I've been talking to James a lot more. We've been calling each other as of late, and I saw him Thursday night. It felt like things were back to normal, and for the first time in a month, he said I love you. He always asks me the question "why do you love me" and it always feels like I'll never have the right words to say to him. I honestly have no words that could do it justice, I just do. He makes me happy, and he is wonderful, and he has shown me that love isn't about being with each other all the time, and saying it 24-7. Its means, through all of the bullshit, all of the drama, to say "I love you" and still mean it. Its been crazy without him, and he knows that I've missed him more than words can say. He seemed a little more excited about me going to Tucson, though the thoughts of cheating still run in his head. The sad part is, that I am worried he will do that same thing...But he told me "I love you, dont forget that." I wont forget what he said, oh no...the sad part is that I'm afraid to believe him. He invited me to go see a movie tonight with him, and my heart sank. It was hard to tell him that I was already going off to Prom at the base, I mean the whole reason I wanted to go to prom was because it was on base, it was closer to him. Now he didn't sound too please that I was going on a "date" as he called it. if I could I would call Oscar now and cancel the whole thing, but I cant, its too late, and now I even regret agreeing to this. I would give up anything to spend a night with James, but I already agreed to something, and I cant back down. I want to try to get out of there as soon as I can, and hopefully have time to see if James is willing to spend it with me. next weekend he is going to Tucson, so I wont have the chance to be with him, and I wont for a while it seems. I just want to see him before I go to Puerto Rico...I wont want to leave without seeing him.
School ends in about 2 weeks, and it still doesn't feel real to me. All it feels like is another day, another week, and another eternity there. Usually around this time, the anxiety is killing some, and the need to graduate is like the need for a drug, for me though, it doesn't feel like anything, and I dont know when it will. I just know in August, things will never be the same again