So Fast, So Gone
Eh,
as Im Sure you All Have Noticed..
I Had Something Just Dropped there On My Lap. No Warning, No Clues & No God Damn Instructions. And I Loved it. I Took Advantage Of The Situation As Much As Possible. But Before I Even Got To Look At It Directly In The Eyes I Knew That I Might Be In Trouble And This Is Just A Risk I Would Have To Take. And Me Being Myself I Accepted It And Tried As Much As Possible Yet Since My History With Everything I Was More Sensitive/Vaulnerable & Caring. Which Got Way To carried Away And Caused For Myself To Just Be Able To Think. (Alone) Alot For A Little While. And While In That Little While I Think I Realized That It Wasnt The Right Thing For Me At This Current State Of my Life.Many Of you Know What Im Talking About And Im Sure you All Are Thinking Its Because I Have UnFinished Feelings. NO Thats Not It. My Feelings For The Others In The Past Are gone, None Left And I Personally Dont Want Them Back. WHich is Why I dont think this is Right For Me. I got So Attatched. Way To Attatched So Soon, So Fast Before I Even knew Anything.. But within The Past Two Days I Have Experienced Feelings That I Remember From The Past And I Dont Want Them Back. I dont want them Back At All And I Know That If I Persue This Situation That I Will Get Those Feelings Again. And Im Not Physicly Ready For Those feelings. And If You are The One Reading This.. I Do Care About You, I care About You Alot. Way More Than Most Things In My Life, Yet These Two Days Ive Just Thought & Thought And I Would Say Certain Things To you And you Would Answer With The Same Painful Answers That a Few Answered With In The past And It Really Scared Me, And I Think its Scaring Me Back Into Depression Because It Might Not Have Seemed Like It When We Talked But I Have Been Crying The Past Two Days. And No Please Dont Think That It Was Only Because Of Today Because that would Have Been Totally Idiot Of Me. But No I was Just thinking All The Way To The Beggining In my life And It was So Strong That Even The Smallest Thing You said Killed Me. So I Think That We Might Need To Back Out Of This Before It gets To A Point Where Past Events Accur. But Im Going On And On About Nothing So Im Going To Stop. But Just Know That I Do Care About you, Alot. Way To Much. But The Reason I Am Backing Out Is Because I Need Something That I Dont Think Anyone Could Give Me Besides Myself. Healing. And I Dont Know How To Do That Yet But whatever Fuck It. :: Bang, Bang, Bang ::
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they’ve played
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a past
-
Smurf
as Im Sure you All Have Noticed..
I Had Something Just Dropped there On My Lap. No Warning, No Clues & No God Damn Instructions. And I Loved it. I Took Advantage Of The Situation As Much As Possible. But Before I Even Got To Look At It Directly In The Eyes I Knew That I Might Be In Trouble And This Is Just A Risk I Would Have To Take. And Me Being Myself I Accepted It And Tried As Much As Possible Yet Since My History With Everything I Was More Sensitive/Vaulnerable & Caring. Which Got Way To carried Away And Caused For Myself To Just Be Able To Think. (Alone) Alot For A Little While. And While In That Little While I Think I Realized That It Wasnt The Right Thing For Me At This Current State Of my Life.Many Of you Know What Im Talking About And Im Sure you All Are Thinking Its Because I Have UnFinished Feelings. NO Thats Not It. My Feelings For The Others In The Past Are gone, None Left And I Personally Dont Want Them Back. WHich is Why I dont think this is Right For Me. I got So Attatched. Way To Attatched So Soon, So Fast Before I Even knew Anything.. But within The Past Two Days I Have Experienced Feelings That I Remember From The Past And I Dont Want Them Back. I dont want them Back At All And I Know That If I Persue This Situation That I Will Get Those Feelings Again. And Im Not Physicly Ready For Those feelings. And If You are The One Reading This.. I Do Care About You, I care About You Alot. Way More Than Most Things In My Life, Yet These Two Days Ive Just Thought & Thought And I Would Say Certain Things To you And you Would Answer With The Same Painful Answers That a Few Answered With In The past And It Really Scared Me, And I Think its Scaring Me Back Into Depression Because It Might Not Have Seemed Like It When We Talked But I Have Been Crying The Past Two Days. And No Please Dont Think That It Was Only Because Of Today Because that would Have Been Totally Idiot Of Me. But No I was Just thinking All The Way To The Beggining In my life And It was So Strong That Even The Smallest Thing You said Killed Me. So I Think That We Might Need To Back Out Of This Before It gets To A Point Where Past Events Accur. But Im Going On And On About Nothing So Im Going To Stop. But Just Know That I Do Care About you, Alot. Way To Much. But The Reason I Am Backing Out Is Because I Need Something That I Dont Think Anyone Could Give Me Besides Myself. Healing. And I Dont Know How To Do That Yet But whatever Fuck It. :: Bang, Bang, Bang ::
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they’ve played
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a past
-
Smurf