How does she do it?

[beverlythediva]

Don and I had all three grandkids on Saturday from 9:30am to about 7:30pm. We're talking three boys ages 5 years, 2 years, and 5 months. Everything was fine until about 5:30pm when the shit hit the fan. First, the 2 year old knocks a houseplant over and breaks the pot, dirt is everywhere. I yell "Jesus Christ" thus startling the 2 youngest and they both start crying. Don proceeds to vacuum up the dirt which only makes the 2 year old cry harder because he is afraid of our loud vacuum cleaner. We finally get the 2 year old settled when the baby decides that he maybe drank his 6 ounces of formula too fast and proceeds to spit-up and projectile spit-up off and on for the next 30 minutes. I end up with formula goo on me, the new suede sofa, the ottoman, the rug, the other sofa, and on the baby. Everytime I think he is finished he starts again. He finally stops, we change clothes, things are quiet for a few minutes. Then, the 2 year old, who refuses to take a nap and is tired from playing at the park all day and from the excitement of being at his gradparents house, starts to get cranky. Don hands him the first thing that is at hand which is the remote control to his toy Cooper Mini - the one that was a birthday gift from Al. The two year old plays with it until he snaps off the antenna. Now the 2 year old is upset. Really upset. He has a tantrum. We finally quit trying to placate him and put him on the sofa in the sunroom with his sippy cup and a blankie and shut the doors. We can still see him but at least the screeching isn't so loud now. He finally passes out just as the pizza dude arrives. Great! We can eat and keep the 5 year old occupied at the same time. But wait! Now the infant is upset, he wants to be held and talked to and generally made a fuss of. If these things aren't happening then he makes a really loud fuss instead. So. I eat with one hand while holding tyrant infant with the other. Then it is Don's turn. Now the infant is hungry again because its little tummy is empty after all that spitting up earlier. So. Feed infant while pizza gets cold. Then Don burps infant since he has eaten (lucky dog, he got hot pizza). I'm so tired I can barely look at my food. Oh, did I mention that the 5 year old has not shut up through this whole ordeal and keeps asking questions and keeps wanting answers? We both snap at him which is rare for us. Also, don't forget to factor in the dirty diaper quotient, for both the infant and the 2 year old who isn't ready for potty training yet but is perfectly willing to let you know when his pull-ups have a full load.

So, how does she do it? How does my daughter, a stay-at-home mom, keep from shipping the kids off to Outer Mongolia? I wonder what cute, energetic, inquisitive 5 year olds are going for on the open market.