sweet nostalgia!
I've been thinking a lot the past two weeks. I mean Brian and I broke up officially 4 months ago...I spent 4 months relapsing into the relationship and pretending it was ok....but I needed that...because I feel "over it" the last fight we had left me with the same feeling that I had when I broke up with Tristan like 5 years ago??? (jeeeeeeesus time flies!) I don't know how to describe the feeling this time around. Matter of fact? With Tristan it was "You smell like whiskey and cigarettes gross, I like Bright Eyes, Cool" but I hated him by then....I don't hate Brian, I feel sad for him. I feel sad because he has literally resigned himself to being alone. He knows he's an alcoholic but he doesn't want to get any better...and he's a really gifted and kind person. Alcohol has literally ruined his life. I really hope that he wakes up and realizes he has the ability to just be OKAY one day, before he's lost everything, but I doubt that will even happen.
So I feel instantly better if that makes any sense. I'm not like floating on cloud nine. My life is a giant ball of stress. School, Work (where I'm still the new girl and that's way hard in the environment that I work in), and now I need a roommate? Lynn is moving out! Actually speaking of Lynn, we were doing school work the other day and I apologized to her for being in a really bad mood for about the past 4 months straight, and told her that I'm sorry for being bitchy ALL OF THE TIME...and that I hoped that when she moves out we can continue to be friends. She said "Laura you seem so much happier lately and I'm so glad" It's nice to hear that from the person who knows you best (and she does, she has the unfortunate advantage of living with me).
I don't know I JUST FEEL OK. AND THAT'S ENOUGH.
I also just wanted to make a comment....You know how songs link to memories. So many good memories of the past 10 years with you all ...
A Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins song came on the radio the other day and I was like I NEED TO CONTACT LAURA, ANNE, AND NICOLE AND WE NEED TO GO TAKE A VACATION TO NYC AND STAY IN A SHADY CO-ED HOSTEL.
A cover of Heaven came on just now and I laughed, Heaven (the techno remix) was a song Tristan loved and therefore listened to on repeat A LOT, and I remember driving down Ritchie Highway one day listening to the song and being so upset because of the connections to it...and now thinking about that I laughed. It just felt good.
Kids by MGMT - i thought about sitting in the field by "That Tent" at Bonnaroo with Laura, Caitlin Young, Andrea Clyne, and actually I can't completely remember who else was there, well Jimmy Kuch was being obnoxious on the sidelines...but some guy behind us had this sweet green lazer toy...
Bright Eyes ANY song off of I'm Wide Awake It's Mourning reminds me of finally being done with tristan. I mean that was just such an important period of time for me as a "young adult" ... It was the first time as an adult that I realized what it felt like to have respect for yourself.
I don't know. This is a lame post, but I really just, feel ok about everything. It's such a good feeling. I want to hold on to the way i feel right now forever.
So I feel instantly better if that makes any sense. I'm not like floating on cloud nine. My life is a giant ball of stress. School, Work (where I'm still the new girl and that's way hard in the environment that I work in), and now I need a roommate? Lynn is moving out! Actually speaking of Lynn, we were doing school work the other day and I apologized to her for being in a really bad mood for about the past 4 months straight, and told her that I'm sorry for being bitchy ALL OF THE TIME...and that I hoped that when she moves out we can continue to be friends. She said "Laura you seem so much happier lately and I'm so glad" It's nice to hear that from the person who knows you best (and she does, she has the unfortunate advantage of living with me).
I don't know I JUST FEEL OK. AND THAT'S ENOUGH.
I also just wanted to make a comment....You know how songs link to memories. So many good memories of the past 10 years with you all ...
A Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins song came on the radio the other day and I was like I NEED TO CONTACT LAURA, ANNE, AND NICOLE AND WE NEED TO GO TAKE A VACATION TO NYC AND STAY IN A SHADY CO-ED HOSTEL.
A cover of Heaven came on just now and I laughed, Heaven (the techno remix) was a song Tristan loved and therefore listened to on repeat A LOT, and I remember driving down Ritchie Highway one day listening to the song and being so upset because of the connections to it...and now thinking about that I laughed. It just felt good.
Kids by MGMT - i thought about sitting in the field by "That Tent" at Bonnaroo with Laura, Caitlin Young, Andrea Clyne, and actually I can't completely remember who else was there, well Jimmy Kuch was being obnoxious on the sidelines...but some guy behind us had this sweet green lazer toy...
Bright Eyes ANY song off of I'm Wide Awake It's Mourning reminds me of finally being done with tristan. I mean that was just such an important period of time for me as a "young adult" ... It was the first time as an adult that I realized what it felt like to have respect for yourself.
I don't know. This is a lame post, but I really just, feel ok about everything. It's such a good feeling. I want to hold on to the way i feel right now forever.