(no subject)
so steve and i broke up.
it's weird, i'm sad but mostly i'm sad about being alone and having a lot of plans stomped on. i mean i've had feelings for ... not him for a while, and i had been playing with the idea of breaking up with him but when it came down to it...i had decided that i needed to wait it out until he came home.
i'm just a really confusing mix of things. at first i was really really upset and then i was just really really sad and now i just want him to be happy and i refuse to cry about it again.
breaking up is stupid whatever. it's just weird because i told him everything. like everything (well ok he knew everything about my life except i withheld one thing....which he now knows about...sort of...)
so it just means that he's not the one. like i had been praying for god to help me figure out what i should do about a lot of things and a week later steve breaks up with me, so i think that's a pretty big hint. so that's interesting, fate is bizarre, i don't really know what i believe but i think it was a pretty big sign that i need to go with my gut (which i probably should have done a month ago but everyone i went to for advice said not to, and my gut has been wrong A LOT)
what i did find out is that i have absolutely incredible friends. i hung out with matt and jeremy and my friend megan last night and had talked to lynn and robin and my (steve's) friend colin who just got back from deployment (which he loved, lucky him i guess since steve is apparently extremely miserable).
the hardest part is just general rejection. i know it wasn't anything that i did which is hard, it's not like things were bad, they were really good when he left, he just couldn't do it. so i spent the past 3 months surrounding myself with things that remind me of him and now i'm stuck with them. so that sucks a lot. i have his house key, half of his wardrobe, my marine sweats, tons of pictures, and a lot of stuff to send him. so i mean i'll probably still send the last pile of books i have. i don't know if i think he especially deserves them but i do want him to be happy...so if not being with me makes him happier, as hard as that may be to think about, then i'm glad that's the way it is. broken heart at all.
i will say though, something HAS GOT to give. how many times can a heart get broken before i end up totally bitter? fuck that nonsense.
it's weird, i'm sad but mostly i'm sad about being alone and having a lot of plans stomped on. i mean i've had feelings for ... not him for a while, and i had been playing with the idea of breaking up with him but when it came down to it...i had decided that i needed to wait it out until he came home.
i'm just a really confusing mix of things. at first i was really really upset and then i was just really really sad and now i just want him to be happy and i refuse to cry about it again.
breaking up is stupid whatever. it's just weird because i told him everything. like everything (well ok he knew everything about my life except i withheld one thing....which he now knows about...sort of...)
so it just means that he's not the one. like i had been praying for god to help me figure out what i should do about a lot of things and a week later steve breaks up with me, so i think that's a pretty big hint. so that's interesting, fate is bizarre, i don't really know what i believe but i think it was a pretty big sign that i need to go with my gut (which i probably should have done a month ago but everyone i went to for advice said not to, and my gut has been wrong A LOT)
what i did find out is that i have absolutely incredible friends. i hung out with matt and jeremy and my friend megan last night and had talked to lynn and robin and my (steve's) friend colin who just got back from deployment (which he loved, lucky him i guess since steve is apparently extremely miserable).
the hardest part is just general rejection. i know it wasn't anything that i did which is hard, it's not like things were bad, they were really good when he left, he just couldn't do it. so i spent the past 3 months surrounding myself with things that remind me of him and now i'm stuck with them. so that sucks a lot. i have his house key, half of his wardrobe, my marine sweats, tons of pictures, and a lot of stuff to send him. so i mean i'll probably still send the last pile of books i have. i don't know if i think he especially deserves them but i do want him to be happy...so if not being with me makes him happier, as hard as that may be to think about, then i'm glad that's the way it is. broken heart at all.
i will say though, something HAS GOT to give. how many times can a heart get broken before i end up totally bitter? fuck that nonsense.