fuck (men)struation as both currently make me crazy
i'm having a hard time with steve getting ready to leave. he'll be in iraq in less than a week. he's out with his guy friends and they're more or less getting him so drunk that they have to carry him home. he promised to call me tonight, i won't be mad if he doesn't but i'll be a little bit sad. i know that's ridiculous because i want him to have as much fun as possible before he leaves. but i'm selfish and this is hard for me and he has tons of people around him distracting him from leaving....and in the meantime i'll be here at home...and yeah i'll have a lot going on but i don't know -- this is extremely hard for me. i knew it would be. i just hope it gets better. i mean i'm past crying for the most part. i'm just numb...and numb hurts. i mean i call him after class most days. it makes having sat in class all day not suck so much. i mean sure i can email him, write him letters...but it's not the same. not the same not having talking to him or seeing him to look forward to.
i know it will be worth it in the long run. but right now it just feels miserable.
again, i know i made this decision.
part of me wishes i had just never gone out with him.
it feels weird, like breaking up even though i know we'll be together when he's back---but with breaking up i always knew i could find comfort in someone else (i know that sounds absolutely horrible/slutty but i mean even though i spent the year before i started dating steve single, i always had some guy in mind or someone around for comfort....not sex, don't misinterpret!)
i pray for the strength to be not a huge girl for him because i KNOW me being sad doesn't make his life any easier. and then i pray that our new president does what he said (and part of why i voted for him) and pulls us out of iraq quickly so that he's not gone for a year. and then i thank god that he's not going to afghanistan, even though he could go there next.
i'm proud of him, at one point he had the option of not going but it would have been detrimental to his carreer and he wanted to go -- so i'm proud of him for doing what's best for him, i would never ever want to leave all of the people i love for a year, even to serve my country.
so i'm just not okay. i'm trying really hard. i'm trying for him, i'm trying for me, i'm trying for my friends who ihave here to not be depressed and to get out of my bed and go out but i really don't feel like doing anything except sitting in bed i know pooooor laura, dating a really awesome guy, poooooor baby, has someone to love and who loves her back wah wah wah.
i don't think it makes it any better that i have my period for the first time in 3 months (i tampered with my birth control so that i wouldn't have my period while i was with steve knowning that he was going to be deploying) and i'm super overly emotional, crampy, bloated, i want to die. seriously. it's just not fair. worst period ever, and boyfriend going to the desert for entirely too fucking long. LAME.
lame lame lame lame lame.
on the bright side -- 14 weeks of class stand between me and nursing school ending.
i know it will be worth it in the long run. but right now it just feels miserable.
again, i know i made this decision.
part of me wishes i had just never gone out with him.
it feels weird, like breaking up even though i know we'll be together when he's back---but with breaking up i always knew i could find comfort in someone else (i know that sounds absolutely horrible/slutty but i mean even though i spent the year before i started dating steve single, i always had some guy in mind or someone around for comfort....not sex, don't misinterpret!)
i pray for the strength to be not a huge girl for him because i KNOW me being sad doesn't make his life any easier. and then i pray that our new president does what he said (and part of why i voted for him) and pulls us out of iraq quickly so that he's not gone for a year. and then i thank god that he's not going to afghanistan, even though he could go there next.
i'm proud of him, at one point he had the option of not going but it would have been detrimental to his carreer and he wanted to go -- so i'm proud of him for doing what's best for him, i would never ever want to leave all of the people i love for a year, even to serve my country.
so i'm just not okay. i'm trying really hard. i'm trying for him, i'm trying for me, i'm trying for my friends who ihave here to not be depressed and to get out of my bed and go out but i really don't feel like doing anything except sitting in bed i know pooooor laura, dating a really awesome guy, poooooor baby, has someone to love and who loves her back wah wah wah.
i don't think it makes it any better that i have my period for the first time in 3 months (i tampered with my birth control so that i wouldn't have my period while i was with steve knowning that he was going to be deploying) and i'm super overly emotional, crampy, bloated, i want to die. seriously. it's just not fair. worst period ever, and boyfriend going to the desert for entirely too fucking long. LAME.
lame lame lame lame lame.
on the bright side -- 14 weeks of class stand between me and nursing school ending.