don't you think this world is better than you expected?
Title: better than you expected
Author: quiddative
Recipient: dazedrose
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Cas, Sam, and mentions of Bobby
Genre: fluff, domestic, kid!fic, fallen!Cas
Warnings: none
Rating: G
Prompts Used: Fallen!Cas and this lovely picture prompt
Summary: It made sense that a child like Lydia would be hungry if she had just woken up. She was certainly more in tune with her five year old body than Castiel was with his. (Or, in which Team Free Will adopts a lot of children and Castiel slowly learns to be human.)
Notes: (set sometime after season 5 with a lot of magical handwaving) Oh man, I can’t tell you how much this fic nearly got away from me. There are so many things I wanted to add, possibly in a future ‘verse, but this is what my brain wanted for now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, dazedrose!
Castiel felt a tug on the hem of his shirt followed by a small voice, “I’m hungry.” He closed the text he was translating and looked down to find Lydia staring up at him.
“Oh, yes,” he said, standing up. The microwave clock told him that it was eight in the morning, reminding him that he’d been up since dawn working on a translation for Bobby and hadn’t eaten anything yet. Even though he’d been human for close to two months now he was still getting used to his body’s constant need for things that seemed inconsequential before he Fell. He often forgot to eat unless either Dean or Sam reminded him, though it was mostly Dean. It made sense that a child like Lydia would be hungry if she had just woken up. She was certainly more in tune with her five year old body than Castiel was with his.
He foraged the cupboards for the cereal the Winchester brothers usually gave to the children and felt proud for finding it on his first try. Next, calling to mind the brothers’ morning routine, he took out a bowl and spoon before getting the milk from the fridge. With the bowl in one hand he poured the cereal into it, making sure that it wouldn’t overflow. Sam was the one who told him that bugs could get into the house more easily if they left scraps of food lying around and they needed to be careful since at least one of the children was allergic to bug bites. Castiel himself wasn’t allergic but he got his first bug bite during his second week as a human and deemed it a highly unpleasant experience. He certainly wasn’t going to let any of the children go through that awful itching sensation if he could help it.
After pouring the milk in as well he set it down on the table, carefully so it wouldn’t spill, in front of where Lydia was sitting. She gave him a grateful smile which he returned, though he wasn’t sure how successful he was since he was still trying to get used to managing different facial expressions. He watched as Lydia picked up her spoon and paused just before it reached her mouth, frowning. Castiel suddenly felt anxious, an increasingly familiar emotion. “What’s wrong?”
Lydia shook her head and put her spoon back down. “There’s something wrong with my cereal,” she said, pushing the bowl towards Castiel. “It smells weird.”
Castiel leaned over to smell it but couldn’t detect anything outright. “I’m sure it’s fine,” he said after a moment.
“No, it’s-”
“Mornin’!” came Dean’s booming voice as he entered the kitchen.
“Dean,” said Lydia, pointing at what was supposed to be her breakfast, “there’s something wrong with my cereal.”
Curiously, Dean leaned over her shoulder to check. Then, just like Lydia, a frown appeared on his face. “Huh.” Castiel swallowed, the feeling of anxiety growing stronger. It was absolutely clear now that he did something wrong. Again.
Dean got up and opened the fridge. “Aw crap, the milk’s expired. Sam’s gonna kill me for not replacing it earlier,” he said, more to himself than to Castiel and Lydia. “Don’t worry, we’ll get some more from the grocery store later. How ‘bout an omelette instead?”
“Omelette!” Lydia chimed in happily, the cereal instantly forgotten.
Castiel wordlessly got up from his seat, gathered his books, and started heading up the stairs. He got all the way up to the landing when he felt a hand grasp his elbow. He turned around and met Dean’s brilliant green eyes. “Cas? what’s wrong?”
Castiel clenched his fingers more tightly around the books and looked away. “I should’ve been more careful. I could’ve gotten Lydia sick.”
“Hey, hey, come on,” said Dean soothingly. “Anyone could’ve made that mistake, I’m pretty sure I have once or twice. Even if she did get sick, no one’s going to blame you. In fact, you should really blame me for not getting rid of the milk when I should’ve.”
Castiel shook his head, because he could never accept that it was Dean’s fault. “No, no, you’re wrong.” At the worry in Dean’s eyes, he continued, “It’s not just this. It’s… ”
Before Castiel knew it, he was sitting on the landing with his head in his hands as Dean sat beside him rubbing his arms. The past few weeks had been… unpleasant, to put it simply. Even though Dean and Sam were unbearably patient and made sure the children were also, he still felt as if he were a waste of space in their house (theirs, not Castiel’s because he wasn’t the one who helped pay for it). As an angel he had a purpose and an assured place in his Father’s creation, but as a human… he wasn’t used to this feeling and hated it more than he’d ever felt about anything else in his entire existence.
And he told all this to Dean, unable to close his mouth until he was done.
“Cas, stop it. You’re not a waste of space,” Dean told him firmly.
“I can’t do anything right,” Castiel continued; it was the truth. He’d seen Dean, Sam, and the children do an infinite number of mundane tasks as if they were the simplest things in the world, yet he could hardly get through a day without one of them assisting him. He spent fifteen frustrating minutes the other day trying to remember how to use the laundry machine until Jake, one of the older children, came down to help him.
Dean pulled him close and pressed his lips into Castiel’s hair. Castiel knew that Dean would never have done something like this months ago, but the almost Apocalypse changed things. He was secretly glad that one of them was his relationship with Dean, though Dean himself had yet to actually call it a relationship, no matter what Sam said. “Cas,” he said gently, “you’ve only been human for what, six weeks now? Hell, it’s hard enough being human after thirty years-or seventy. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, is what I’m trying to say. You’re already doing a pretty good job as far as I’m concerned, keeping the kids busy when Sam and I aren’t here or reading them Dr. Seuss for the hundredth time in an hour.” Dean gave him an encouraging smile, which Castiel appreciated even though he didn’t really think he deserved it. “Seriously, man, I don’t know how you do that without tearing your hair out. I mean, I love The Cat in the Hat as much as the next person but I have limits, okay.”
“It doesn’t feel like it’s enough,” Castiel admitted, so quietly he didn’t think Dean could hear him at first.
“It is,” said Dean fiercely, like he couldn’t accept anything else. “I know you don’t believe me right now but it is.”
*
To Castiel’s surprise, they had all come out of the Apocalypse relatively unscathed. He expected, at best, that if someone was going to survive it wasn’t going to be him. Falling was only a little better than dying, though there were many times when Castiel was convinced it was worse than spending eternity in Purgatory.
Dean and Sam tried to continue hunting afterwards but were forced to stop after a supposedly simple hunt nearly got Sam killed. The younger Winchester’s eyesight was growing worse, to the point where he could barely go through a day without his glasses, and even though Castiel knew it wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to a hunter, it was what finally pushed the brothers into their official retirement (in Dean’s words). They settled in an old house surrounded by acres of land just outside of South Dakota. The property was surprisingly cheap in Castiel’s opinion, until Dean informed him that it was because people thought it was haunted.
Castiel personally thought that was ridiculous.
After checking every corner of the house, they concluded that the house was not, in fact, haunted, and began to move in, which proved to be a fairly simple process given that they owned very little between the three of them. Nothing, in Castiel’s case, except for Jimmy’s clothes.
Not a week after they settled down, they received a surprise visit from Bobby, who brought along a four year old Lydia. He explained that her father was a hunter who was arrested after being caught digging up a grave and thus his daughter needed a place to stay until he was released from custody. Dean and Sam tried to protest at first, to convince Bobby that they didn’t have the time or resource to care for a child and that they wouldn’t be good caretakers. Castiel mostly stood in the background silently. It wasn’t his place, he thought at the time.
“She doesn’t have anyone else,” Bobby told them, and it was then they all knew that Lydia was staying no matter what.
From there they began to acquire more children, whether it was other hunters’ children or those found orphaned on hunts. They had yet to say the word “family” out loud but sometimes, when some of the younger children cuddled around Castiel and Dean in their bed during a particularly bad storm, Castiel could let himself believe that he was still part of the Host.
*
“You sure you have enough film, Sammy?”
“For the twentieth time, yes,” said Sam as he finished setting up the tripod. “And I’ve got an extra twelve gig card just in case we run out of the sixteen gig one. Though I really doubt we will.”
Dean smacked him on the back of his head. “Bitch, if you miss one second of this, I’ll kick your ass.”
“Jerk.”
Castiel smiled and said nothing, simply revelling in the feel of Dean’s arm around his shoulder and the anticipation for the play.
It was Sam’s idea to enrol all the children in school in order to benefit their social interaction. The younger ones, like Lydia, were more enthusiastic about the idea while the older ones, like Jake, who was turning twelve that month, were more adamant about being home schooled by a pair of hunters and a former angel. Still, from what Castiel observed, they did benefit more from school in spite of the inevitable fights. In any case, they always had Sam, Dean, or Castiel to run to when they had a problem their teachers couldn’t fix.
“Oh, oh, it’s starting!” said Dean, his voice full of glee. The lights darkened and the daycare class began to tiptoe out on stage in single file. Castiel couldn’t help smiling when he caught sight of Alice, Danny, and Sandy, the youngest of the group, standing side by side, all three of them with wide smiles on their faces.
Once the play was over the three of them ran up to where Dean was holding a large sign that read, “GREAT JOB” complete with a yellow smiley face. “Did you see us?” Alice asked Sam shyly with her hands clasped behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her feet.
Sam picked her up and twirled her in a circle, laughing as he did so. “You were wonderful.”
Castiel smiled as the rest of their children crowded around to praise their performance. He felt someone tug at his coat and looked down. Danny was staring at him with wide eyes. “What did you think, Cas?”
“I think you were all amazing,” answered Castiel truthfully. Danny looked like it was the best news he had ever heard. He motioned to be picked up and Castiel happily obliged, carefully placing him on his shoulders just as Dean showed him.
Speaking of, he turned to face Dean, who was surrounded by the rest of their makeshift family, each of them wanting to hold the sign. Dean returned his gaze with a soft smile, his eyes full of so much fondness that Castiel was afraid he would stop breathing any second. Dean was soon by his side, sliding one hand into Castiel’s. “See? You’re not a waste of space,” he said with a nod to Danny, who was happily making airplane noises above Castiel’s head.
Castiel squeezed Dean’s fingers in gratitude. He still couldn’t bring himself to fully accept Dean’s words but it helped to hear them, bit by bit.
Author: quiddative
Recipient: dazedrose
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Cas, Sam, and mentions of Bobby
Genre: fluff, domestic, kid!fic, fallen!Cas
Warnings: none
Rating: G
Prompts Used: Fallen!Cas and this lovely picture prompt
Summary: It made sense that a child like Lydia would be hungry if she had just woken up. She was certainly more in tune with her five year old body than Castiel was with his. (Or, in which Team Free Will adopts a lot of children and Castiel slowly learns to be human.)
Notes: (set sometime after season 5 with a lot of magical handwaving) Oh man, I can’t tell you how much this fic nearly got away from me. There are so many things I wanted to add, possibly in a future ‘verse, but this is what my brain wanted for now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, dazedrose!
Castiel felt a tug on the hem of his shirt followed by a small voice, “I’m hungry.” He closed the text he was translating and looked down to find Lydia staring up at him.
“Oh, yes,” he said, standing up. The microwave clock told him that it was eight in the morning, reminding him that he’d been up since dawn working on a translation for Bobby and hadn’t eaten anything yet. Even though he’d been human for close to two months now he was still getting used to his body’s constant need for things that seemed inconsequential before he Fell. He often forgot to eat unless either Dean or Sam reminded him, though it was mostly Dean. It made sense that a child like Lydia would be hungry if she had just woken up. She was certainly more in tune with her five year old body than Castiel was with his.
He foraged the cupboards for the cereal the Winchester brothers usually gave to the children and felt proud for finding it on his first try. Next, calling to mind the brothers’ morning routine, he took out a bowl and spoon before getting the milk from the fridge. With the bowl in one hand he poured the cereal into it, making sure that it wouldn’t overflow. Sam was the one who told him that bugs could get into the house more easily if they left scraps of food lying around and they needed to be careful since at least one of the children was allergic to bug bites. Castiel himself wasn’t allergic but he got his first bug bite during his second week as a human and deemed it a highly unpleasant experience. He certainly wasn’t going to let any of the children go through that awful itching sensation if he could help it.
After pouring the milk in as well he set it down on the table, carefully so it wouldn’t spill, in front of where Lydia was sitting. She gave him a grateful smile which he returned, though he wasn’t sure how successful he was since he was still trying to get used to managing different facial expressions. He watched as Lydia picked up her spoon and paused just before it reached her mouth, frowning. Castiel suddenly felt anxious, an increasingly familiar emotion. “What’s wrong?”
Lydia shook her head and put her spoon back down. “There’s something wrong with my cereal,” she said, pushing the bowl towards Castiel. “It smells weird.”
Castiel leaned over to smell it but couldn’t detect anything outright. “I’m sure it’s fine,” he said after a moment.
“No, it’s-”
“Mornin’!” came Dean’s booming voice as he entered the kitchen.
“Dean,” said Lydia, pointing at what was supposed to be her breakfast, “there’s something wrong with my cereal.”
Curiously, Dean leaned over her shoulder to check. Then, just like Lydia, a frown appeared on his face. “Huh.” Castiel swallowed, the feeling of anxiety growing stronger. It was absolutely clear now that he did something wrong. Again.
Dean got up and opened the fridge. “Aw crap, the milk’s expired. Sam’s gonna kill me for not replacing it earlier,” he said, more to himself than to Castiel and Lydia. “Don’t worry, we’ll get some more from the grocery store later. How ‘bout an omelette instead?”
“Omelette!” Lydia chimed in happily, the cereal instantly forgotten.
Castiel wordlessly got up from his seat, gathered his books, and started heading up the stairs. He got all the way up to the landing when he felt a hand grasp his elbow. He turned around and met Dean’s brilliant green eyes. “Cas? what’s wrong?”
Castiel clenched his fingers more tightly around the books and looked away. “I should’ve been more careful. I could’ve gotten Lydia sick.”
“Hey, hey, come on,” said Dean soothingly. “Anyone could’ve made that mistake, I’m pretty sure I have once or twice. Even if she did get sick, no one’s going to blame you. In fact, you should really blame me for not getting rid of the milk when I should’ve.”
Castiel shook his head, because he could never accept that it was Dean’s fault. “No, no, you’re wrong.” At the worry in Dean’s eyes, he continued, “It’s not just this. It’s… ”
Before Castiel knew it, he was sitting on the landing with his head in his hands as Dean sat beside him rubbing his arms. The past few weeks had been… unpleasant, to put it simply. Even though Dean and Sam were unbearably patient and made sure the children were also, he still felt as if he were a waste of space in their house (theirs, not Castiel’s because he wasn’t the one who helped pay for it). As an angel he had a purpose and an assured place in his Father’s creation, but as a human… he wasn’t used to this feeling and hated it more than he’d ever felt about anything else in his entire existence.
And he told all this to Dean, unable to close his mouth until he was done.
“Cas, stop it. You’re not a waste of space,” Dean told him firmly.
“I can’t do anything right,” Castiel continued; it was the truth. He’d seen Dean, Sam, and the children do an infinite number of mundane tasks as if they were the simplest things in the world, yet he could hardly get through a day without one of them assisting him. He spent fifteen frustrating minutes the other day trying to remember how to use the laundry machine until Jake, one of the older children, came down to help him.
Dean pulled him close and pressed his lips into Castiel’s hair. Castiel knew that Dean would never have done something like this months ago, but the almost Apocalypse changed things. He was secretly glad that one of them was his relationship with Dean, though Dean himself had yet to actually call it a relationship, no matter what Sam said. “Cas,” he said gently, “you’ve only been human for what, six weeks now? Hell, it’s hard enough being human after thirty years-or seventy. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, is what I’m trying to say. You’re already doing a pretty good job as far as I’m concerned, keeping the kids busy when Sam and I aren’t here or reading them Dr. Seuss for the hundredth time in an hour.” Dean gave him an encouraging smile, which Castiel appreciated even though he didn’t really think he deserved it. “Seriously, man, I don’t know how you do that without tearing your hair out. I mean, I love The Cat in the Hat as much as the next person but I have limits, okay.”
“It doesn’t feel like it’s enough,” Castiel admitted, so quietly he didn’t think Dean could hear him at first.
“It is,” said Dean fiercely, like he couldn’t accept anything else. “I know you don’t believe me right now but it is.”
*
To Castiel’s surprise, they had all come out of the Apocalypse relatively unscathed. He expected, at best, that if someone was going to survive it wasn’t going to be him. Falling was only a little better than dying, though there were many times when Castiel was convinced it was worse than spending eternity in Purgatory.
Dean and Sam tried to continue hunting afterwards but were forced to stop after a supposedly simple hunt nearly got Sam killed. The younger Winchester’s eyesight was growing worse, to the point where he could barely go through a day without his glasses, and even though Castiel knew it wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to a hunter, it was what finally pushed the brothers into their official retirement (in Dean’s words). They settled in an old house surrounded by acres of land just outside of South Dakota. The property was surprisingly cheap in Castiel’s opinion, until Dean informed him that it was because people thought it was haunted.
Castiel personally thought that was ridiculous.
After checking every corner of the house, they concluded that the house was not, in fact, haunted, and began to move in, which proved to be a fairly simple process given that they owned very little between the three of them. Nothing, in Castiel’s case, except for Jimmy’s clothes.
Not a week after they settled down, they received a surprise visit from Bobby, who brought along a four year old Lydia. He explained that her father was a hunter who was arrested after being caught digging up a grave and thus his daughter needed a place to stay until he was released from custody. Dean and Sam tried to protest at first, to convince Bobby that they didn’t have the time or resource to care for a child and that they wouldn’t be good caretakers. Castiel mostly stood in the background silently. It wasn’t his place, he thought at the time.
“She doesn’t have anyone else,” Bobby told them, and it was then they all knew that Lydia was staying no matter what.
From there they began to acquire more children, whether it was other hunters’ children or those found orphaned on hunts. They had yet to say the word “family” out loud but sometimes, when some of the younger children cuddled around Castiel and Dean in their bed during a particularly bad storm, Castiel could let himself believe that he was still part of the Host.
*
“You sure you have enough film, Sammy?”
“For the twentieth time, yes,” said Sam as he finished setting up the tripod. “And I’ve got an extra twelve gig card just in case we run out of the sixteen gig one. Though I really doubt we will.”
Dean smacked him on the back of his head. “Bitch, if you miss one second of this, I’ll kick your ass.”
“Jerk.”
Castiel smiled and said nothing, simply revelling in the feel of Dean’s arm around his shoulder and the anticipation for the play.
It was Sam’s idea to enrol all the children in school in order to benefit their social interaction. The younger ones, like Lydia, were more enthusiastic about the idea while the older ones, like Jake, who was turning twelve that month, were more adamant about being home schooled by a pair of hunters and a former angel. Still, from what Castiel observed, they did benefit more from school in spite of the inevitable fights. In any case, they always had Sam, Dean, or Castiel to run to when they had a problem their teachers couldn’t fix.
“Oh, oh, it’s starting!” said Dean, his voice full of glee. The lights darkened and the daycare class began to tiptoe out on stage in single file. Castiel couldn’t help smiling when he caught sight of Alice, Danny, and Sandy, the youngest of the group, standing side by side, all three of them with wide smiles on their faces.
Once the play was over the three of them ran up to where Dean was holding a large sign that read, “GREAT JOB” complete with a yellow smiley face. “Did you see us?” Alice asked Sam shyly with her hands clasped behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her feet.
Sam picked her up and twirled her in a circle, laughing as he did so. “You were wonderful.”
Castiel smiled as the rest of their children crowded around to praise their performance. He felt someone tug at his coat and looked down. Danny was staring at him with wide eyes. “What did you think, Cas?”
“I think you were all amazing,” answered Castiel truthfully. Danny looked like it was the best news he had ever heard. He motioned to be picked up and Castiel happily obliged, carefully placing him on his shoulders just as Dean showed him.
Speaking of, he turned to face Dean, who was surrounded by the rest of their makeshift family, each of them wanting to hold the sign. Dean returned his gaze with a soft smile, his eyes full of so much fondness that Castiel was afraid he would stop breathing any second. Dean was soon by his side, sliding one hand into Castiel’s. “See? You’re not a waste of space,” he said with a nod to Danny, who was happily making airplane noises above Castiel’s head.
Castiel squeezed Dean’s fingers in gratitude. He still couldn’t bring himself to fully accept Dean’s words but it helped to hear them, bit by bit.