Drowning IN stuff
Well today I just feel like down loading, venting maybe if I put it down here I will feel better about stuff ...Im drowning with emotions,thoughts, words. Here I go Im jumping all over the place here so try to keep up.
Im beginning to hate school ,Im starting not to care not about not much of anything . Im getting there latter and latter every day. Then it hits me WTF am I doing ?Im wasting 10,000 by not caring.Gees Im having a bad day, week year, life ... grrrr... school is getting harder and harder . Only kool guy there left is Anthony (THANK GOD) Max has left and gone to the morning classes BOOOOO!!! another friend lost .I wasn't happy about that because I know no matter how we said we were going to try. I know in my heart that I wont see him as much or any at all...:-(But lucky him he will graduate in 9 months and I need to wait till Nov 2003 ....
speaking of graduation I cant wait! I wish it was sooner. till then my life is on hold.I mean totaly on hold. I was told today by the professor in class that Virginia is the place to get a great job with A+,Electronics and net working, I hear there is a big need for trained people like that there . In NY there are to many people here with that certification :-( so the pay is lower here.So I guess when this is all over I guess that where Im headed.lol you know what they say, Virginia is for lovers , any takers ? HA HA I can make twice the money there that I can make in NY.
Lost another friend today :-( she is from work .. but Im happy for her she went back to India to get married. I haven't worked there long but we got close in such a short time. Guess that's bound to happen when you work 10 hours a day with a person. Any way I wish her luck... lol Im such a romantic I think that's kool to run off with the guy you love, and to go threw such trouble just to be together..... hmmmm (thinking thoughts here )
I find that I hold a lot of things in or place them on the BS pile. Where I try to forget about them but there is only so much BS that a person can take , be fore I feel Im about to crack.I know that not showing what is going on in the inside is a bad thing . But I don't want people to see it.I don't want them to know what is going on inside me head...I know I can be a drama queen, been called that manny times be fore. I just cant help it at times . I hold in so much that I want to burst! Amd when I do you know it LOL....
Trust is a big issue with me. I want to rust I need to trust, but I trust no one with my true emotions(except you Rob) I just don't want to be judged or to be convicted of something that isn't true....Then before you know it they throw stuff in your face when you least expect it.
Why lord am I being punished in life? I have never done anything that I deserve this done to me.I try to only love and share my heart. But every time I attempt to be fair all I get is grief....
I just want things to be what I conceive as normal...
One day I feel Im going to die in my car. I drive way to fast and im just to impatient. "Take a dose of patience and a dose of tolerance with every cup of coffee" lol that still make me giggle when I hear that (Rob)I try dam nit its just that people are such idiots my patients run short for some adults and tolerance is way out the window .....
Long distance sux soooo much. its weird being on my own. I have never been without some one by my side since I was 15.Not being able to reach out and have some one hold me is a hard thing for me. I find that hard to except. I want that, I need that, is it so wrong to want that in my life? Its not a self esteem problem (Dom). I come to the conclusion that there are some things I want in life and to be happy is one of them.....
Im beginning to hate school ,Im starting not to care not about not much of anything . Im getting there latter and latter every day. Then it hits me WTF am I doing ?Im wasting 10,000 by not caring.Gees Im having a bad day, week year, life ... grrrr... school is getting harder and harder . Only kool guy there left is Anthony (THANK GOD) Max has left and gone to the morning classes BOOOOO!!! another friend lost .I wasn't happy about that because I know no matter how we said we were going to try. I know in my heart that I wont see him as much or any at all...:-(But lucky him he will graduate in 9 months and I need to wait till Nov 2003 ....
speaking of graduation I cant wait! I wish it was sooner. till then my life is on hold.I mean totaly on hold. I was told today by the professor in class that Virginia is the place to get a great job with A+,Electronics and net working, I hear there is a big need for trained people like that there . In NY there are to many people here with that certification :-( so the pay is lower here.So I guess when this is all over I guess that where Im headed.lol you know what they say, Virginia is for lovers , any takers ? HA HA I can make twice the money there that I can make in NY.
Lost another friend today :-( she is from work .. but Im happy for her she went back to India to get married. I haven't worked there long but we got close in such a short time. Guess that's bound to happen when you work 10 hours a day with a person. Any way I wish her luck... lol Im such a romantic I think that's kool to run off with the guy you love, and to go threw such trouble just to be together..... hmmmm (thinking thoughts here )
I find that I hold a lot of things in or place them on the BS pile. Where I try to forget about them but there is only so much BS that a person can take , be fore I feel Im about to crack.I know that not showing what is going on in the inside is a bad thing . But I don't want people to see it.I don't want them to know what is going on inside me head...I know I can be a drama queen, been called that manny times be fore. I just cant help it at times . I hold in so much that I want to burst! Amd when I do you know it LOL....
Trust is a big issue with me. I want to rust I need to trust, but I trust no one with my true emotions(except you Rob) I just don't want to be judged or to be convicted of something that isn't true....Then before you know it they throw stuff in your face when you least expect it.
Why lord am I being punished in life? I have never done anything that I deserve this done to me.I try to only love and share my heart. But every time I attempt to be fair all I get is grief....
I just want things to be what I conceive as normal...
One day I feel Im going to die in my car. I drive way to fast and im just to impatient. "Take a dose of patience and a dose of tolerance with every cup of coffee" lol that still make me giggle when I hear that (Rob)I try dam nit its just that people are such idiots my patients run short for some adults and tolerance is way out the window .....
Long distance sux soooo much. its weird being on my own. I have never been without some one by my side since I was 15.Not being able to reach out and have some one hold me is a hard thing for me. I find that hard to except. I want that, I need that, is it so wrong to want that in my life? Its not a self esteem problem (Dom). I come to the conclusion that there are some things I want in life and to be happy is one of them.....