Bullet Points for Brevity and a Katy Perry-Inspired Rant
- I really like my job. It's easy, comfortable, there's free coffee, and it pays well. Last week was my last week of full-time, and for the next two weeks I'm only working Monday/Tuesday/Thursday. It'll be nice to have some free time, but I also enjoy money.
- I think working full-time has caused me to shove my impending move out of my mind. When I stop working, I think I'm going to go into panic mode. But that's okay, because I think I need to be.
- My uncle had a stroke on Thursday when an aneurysm in his brain burst. He came out of it really well (absolutely no neurological damage), and ever since has been doing just about as well as possible. He first checked into a local hospital, but he got moved to Stanford after a couple hours. Apparently, one of the top neurosurgeons in the country who works there saw his brain scans had him transferred there, and he had surgery on Friday afternoon. My aunt and my parents have been visiting him non-stop, and I feel guilty for not visiting him yet, but my parents keep insisting that it's fine and that there wouldn't be much point in going. Thankfully, tomorrow he'll likely get moved out of the ICU, which means there will be fewer restrictions on visitors. So I'll visit him tomorrow with my parents, and we'll also have dinner with my sister, who's moving to Austria in a week or two to live with her boyfriend. (Don't worry, she's 31.)
- Holy shit. I'm pretty much only in California for another month. I've got a lot of stuff to do before I leave.
The other day, I was driving home from Oakland down 580, uneventfully listening to the radio, and Katy Perry’s “California Gurls (sic)” (yes, that is spelled with a “U”) came on. This is a song I’ve heard plenty of times without thinking about it too much. It’s poppy, catchy in spite of itself, tolerable at its very best, and devoid of all substance. Musical rice cakes, if you will. The best part is likely Snoop Dogg’s rap in the middle. It really breaks up the monotony of Katy Perry sucking hard while repeting the same seven lines over and over again.
Yet, I digress. For whatever reason, listening to “California Gurls (sic)” this time brought to mind an internet article I read a while ago that stated that Ms. Perry wrote this song as sort of a response to Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind.” She wanted to represent California just like Jay-Z and Alicia Keys did New York. I have two problems with this. First, this is America. Generally, we elect our representatives. I don’t believe I was given an opportunity to put in my two cents on who should represent California. I wouldn’t want Ms. Perry to represent any patch of dirt on the ground, let alone our entire state to the music-listening public at large. Second, although Jay-Z is perhaps not an utmost paragon of artistic and literary merit, I feel relatively safe saying that he can produce a song with inspired lyrics and actual meaning. Ms. Perry will instead be found “freak[ing] in [her] jeep” or “sippin’ on gin and juice.”
As a proud Californian, I have to say that her intentions are good. Noble, even. But I can’t get behind something as vapid and empty-headed as the Southern California rich blonde girls that come to mind when I listen to it. Instead of singing the praises of what is really good and remarkable about this state, Ms. Perry returns again and again to ages-old stereotypes, most of which are beach related (“You can travel the world,/But nothing comes close to the Golden Coast).” I don’t know if the Santa Barbara-reared Ms. Perry has ever ventured inland, so I wouldn’t know if she would be surprised to learn that the coastline actually represents a tiny portion of the state’s area. Yet if so, let this be a wake-up call. Katy Perry, California is full of plenty of other geological formations you can sing about. The tall, snow-capped Sierra Nevada, the state’s distant second-most famous landmark, gets nary a mention in the song. Mount Lassen is a volcano! What’s hotter than lava? Not even something like “DUDE WE GOT MOUNTAINS HERE TOO” gets thrown in somewhere. What about the Central Valley? Does the fact that it feeds much of the Western United States merit no credit? There are rice paddies in Sacramento, tomatoes in Escalon, and orchards of stone fruit and nut trees as far as the eye can see. What makes for a monotonous drive down I-5 is a bustling agricultural sector of staggering economic importance.
Further, I feel like Southern California gets special treatment in the song. All of the scenarios in the lyrics seem unabashedly SoCal, where the beaches are warm enough in the summer to do what Ms. Perry so artfully delineates. (The far superior) Northern California gets nothing until Snoop Dogg says that he “love[s] the Bay like he loves L.A.” At least good ol’ Snoop Doggy Dogg can throw us a bone. (I deserve to be hurt for that one.)
In conclusion, I urge all Californians who don’t consider passing out in a sandy fire pit after a bonfire party to be just another Friday night to reject “California Gurls (sic),” Kary Perry, and what they stand for. As for those of you from outside our lovely (and highly diverse!) state, I beseech you to ignore the hot air (Santa Ana winds?) blowing from Ms. Perry’s mouth. Do not ever allow stereotypes and popular myths and misconceptions to elevate (or maybe deflate) your perception of California to the point of contracting our equivalent of Paris Syndrome, or, like a French pen pal a friend once had, believing that Californians surf to school. All 37 million of us.
tl;dr: Katy Perry can suck my (Northern!) California cock.