(no subject)
No motivation. Plenty of work to do (studying for impending doom AP tests, Civics homework, scholarship essays up the wazoo), no will. The only thing I want to do is watch the West Wing and melt into my computer chair. And eat.
Perhaps this is why my best friend, who outdoes me at just about everything (except French; I got her there) by just the tiniest smidge, a couple percentage points here and there, is winning awards and accolades left and right while I'm left in the dust fuming with jealousy. At Santa Clara, she got half of her tuition paid for (a Provost's Scholarship). I got the inferior Dean's Scholarship. She's getting interviewed for a $5,000 scholarship I also applied for. I'm not.
I know, I know, I need to suck it the fuck up, get working, and not let this or anything else distract me. Doing my best is all I can do. But it kills me to think that so, so little has separated us academically over the last four years and what a difference it's made in the end. We almost went to the same college. I'm thrilled we're not. I love her to death, but this kind of situation of continued comparison would crush me.
I NEED TO LEAVE AND START OVER, AND I NEED IT NOW.
Perhaps this is why my best friend, who outdoes me at just about everything (except French; I got her there) by just the tiniest smidge, a couple percentage points here and there, is winning awards and accolades left and right while I'm left in the dust fuming with jealousy. At Santa Clara, she got half of her tuition paid for (a Provost's Scholarship). I got the inferior Dean's Scholarship. She's getting interviewed for a $5,000 scholarship I also applied for. I'm not.
I know, I know, I need to suck it the fuck up, get working, and not let this or anything else distract me. Doing my best is all I can do. But it kills me to think that so, so little has separated us academically over the last four years and what a difference it's made in the end. We almost went to the same college. I'm thrilled we're not. I love her to death, but this kind of situation of continued comparison would crush me.
I NEED TO LEAVE AND START OVER, AND I NEED IT NOW.