Saturday Update.
I haven't posted to my personal journal yet and thought I should do so.
I found an old LJ that I had 6 years ago when I was doing so well with losing weight. I was almost 60 pounds lighter than I am now. I was doing so good. I read through the journal and so many memories came flooding back to me. I remembered what I did to lose those pounds, what I was eating, and I even remembered what exercises I was doing. I was so proud of myself and still am.
Back then I was purging but not alot. I restricted A LOT and fasted as well. That with all the exercise I was doing, I was losing alot of weight.
I tried to remember what happened and why I stopped writing in my LJ and it was all over a guy. He wanted me to recover and even shed some tears over it. So I did. I stopped. Well the pounds piled on and the relationship has long ended and what do I have to show for it? All that weight back!!
I am now living with my Fiance and his 2 helions (boys) and I give everything to them and I have totally let myself go. I chopped all my hair off, I don't wear make up anymore and all I do is wear jeans and t-shirts. I was thinking this morning how I don't even feel like a girl anymore and I HATE it.
I want to be beautiful again. I want to have gorgeous hair and make up. I want to wear pretty things.
I don't know...I don't understand why I can't control my eating and give that to myself. Give myself a smaller body and shed the weight that is holding me back. I want to be able to put everyone else's problems aside and concentrate on me. I want to be selfish. But I can't...
Can't...what is this word doing in my vocabulary? I need to erase it from existence. I need to do for me and only me.
I hope to VERY soon.
I found an old LJ that I had 6 years ago when I was doing so well with losing weight. I was almost 60 pounds lighter than I am now. I was doing so good. I read through the journal and so many memories came flooding back to me. I remembered what I did to lose those pounds, what I was eating, and I even remembered what exercises I was doing. I was so proud of myself and still am.
Back then I was purging but not alot. I restricted A LOT and fasted as well. That with all the exercise I was doing, I was losing alot of weight.
I tried to remember what happened and why I stopped writing in my LJ and it was all over a guy. He wanted me to recover and even shed some tears over it. So I did. I stopped. Well the pounds piled on and the relationship has long ended and what do I have to show for it? All that weight back!!
I am now living with my Fiance and his 2 helions (boys) and I give everything to them and I have totally let myself go. I chopped all my hair off, I don't wear make up anymore and all I do is wear jeans and t-shirts. I was thinking this morning how I don't even feel like a girl anymore and I HATE it.
I want to be beautiful again. I want to have gorgeous hair and make up. I want to wear pretty things.
I don't know...I don't understand why I can't control my eating and give that to myself. Give myself a smaller body and shed the weight that is holding me back. I want to be able to put everyone else's problems aside and concentrate on me. I want to be selfish. But I can't...
Can't...what is this word doing in my vocabulary? I need to erase it from existence. I need to do for me and only me.
I hope to VERY soon.