(no subject)
*sigh*
I've been filled with self doubt the past couple days, no bueno. I'm just glad I don't have a kid to worry about in addition to myself, I mean my dog and fish is enough responisibility................. re.spons.i.bil.ity... responsibility... is that even right? -.-
I'm really really looking forward to work this week, it may help my doubt a little. We'll see. it was just a not so good week I rarely doubt anything. I've been praying a lot and it's been helping A LOT, and regardless what you believe it's just nice to have something to believe in, no?
I feel like I'm missing something, I don't know if it's family, considering mine IS across the universe, or if I'm just longing for a significant other. I mean, this is not the 1980's, not even close, but if I was 24 in 1980, I'd be married with kids and pretending I'm straight... not a given, but more than likely, of course I'd probably get a divorce today and find a man, but it's just odd. I still have the mentality as if it is 1980 and altho I'm gay I want to find a husband and have kids and build a family, I AM only 24, but I just think to myself if I haven't found a guy even to be boyfriends with at this age, who's gonna want me when I'm 40? You know? Its a messed up way for me to think, someone out there loves me, no matter what age I am or will be, it's just a matter of finding them. Seems impossible to be a 24 yr old gay male virgin looking for a real relationship in San Diego. Someone will come along, they will be cute and mature and respect my morals and love me just the way I am. They won't ask me to lose weight but will encourage me if >> I << decide I'd like to.
I work tomorrow at 10am, it's hard for me to get in there by 10 for some reason, I just don't like mornings. lol That's something I think will change when I'm older too, but for now that's how it is.
My dog made a huge mess in the bathroom I accidentally left her dogfood bag sit out and she tore into it and then she peed, and pooped and ruined all of the food, she's an old lady and I was gone for 12 hours for work, it was just a bad day, and I came home to that and was really not in a good mood tho I know it wasn't her fault... except she could have NOT tore into the bag of dog food. I shouldn't have left it out I know, but dang. So today I cleaned that mess, and bathed her, and I have a load of laundry in right now, I cleaned up around the outside of the house and took out a lot of garbage, it wasn't even a cleaning day, it just needed really done.
I'm hoping to be a server by the New Year, we'll see. I'd just make SO much more money, my friend made enough in THREE days to pay her RENT AND her CAR INSURANCE... REALLY?! I don't make near that. But anyhow, I'm a really good worker, I'm one of their favorite bussers, so I think New Years, if not sooner is a good goal. If I make better money you can best believe I'm going to treat myself to a maid twice a month. lol
I have a radio alarm clock that doens't pick up ANY STATION AT ALL, but it does help me wake up and that's most important lol. Anyhow, I found the IHeartRADIO app on my blackberry and I've been listening to the radio (and commercials) all day, but I'm excited because I get to hear my favorite radio station with the funniest DJs and it's good for me. lol
I think that's everything, I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a good work week, feel free to comment if you want, if not that's ok too and thanks for readin :)
I've been filled with self doubt the past couple days, no bueno. I'm just glad I don't have a kid to worry about in addition to myself, I mean my dog and fish is enough responisibility................. re.spons.i.bil.ity... responsibility... is that even right? -.-
I'm really really looking forward to work this week, it may help my doubt a little. We'll see. it was just a not so good week I rarely doubt anything. I've been praying a lot and it's been helping A LOT, and regardless what you believe it's just nice to have something to believe in, no?
I feel like I'm missing something, I don't know if it's family, considering mine IS across the universe, or if I'm just longing for a significant other. I mean, this is not the 1980's, not even close, but if I was 24 in 1980, I'd be married with kids and pretending I'm straight... not a given, but more than likely, of course I'd probably get a divorce today and find a man, but it's just odd. I still have the mentality as if it is 1980 and altho I'm gay I want to find a husband and have kids and build a family, I AM only 24, but I just think to myself if I haven't found a guy even to be boyfriends with at this age, who's gonna want me when I'm 40? You know? Its a messed up way for me to think, someone out there loves me, no matter what age I am or will be, it's just a matter of finding them. Seems impossible to be a 24 yr old gay male virgin looking for a real relationship in San Diego. Someone will come along, they will be cute and mature and respect my morals and love me just the way I am. They won't ask me to lose weight but will encourage me if >> I << decide I'd like to.
I work tomorrow at 10am, it's hard for me to get in there by 10 for some reason, I just don't like mornings. lol That's something I think will change when I'm older too, but for now that's how it is.
My dog made a huge mess in the bathroom I accidentally left her dogfood bag sit out and she tore into it and then she peed, and pooped and ruined all of the food, she's an old lady and I was gone for 12 hours for work, it was just a bad day, and I came home to that and was really not in a good mood tho I know it wasn't her fault... except she could have NOT tore into the bag of dog food. I shouldn't have left it out I know, but dang. So today I cleaned that mess, and bathed her, and I have a load of laundry in right now, I cleaned up around the outside of the house and took out a lot of garbage, it wasn't even a cleaning day, it just needed really done.
I'm hoping to be a server by the New Year, we'll see. I'd just make SO much more money, my friend made enough in THREE days to pay her RENT AND her CAR INSURANCE... REALLY?! I don't make near that. But anyhow, I'm a really good worker, I'm one of their favorite bussers, so I think New Years, if not sooner is a good goal. If I make better money you can best believe I'm going to treat myself to a maid twice a month. lol
I have a radio alarm clock that doens't pick up ANY STATION AT ALL, but it does help me wake up and that's most important lol. Anyhow, I found the IHeartRADIO app on my blackberry and I've been listening to the radio (and commercials) all day, but I'm excited because I get to hear my favorite radio station with the funniest DJs and it's good for me. lol
I think that's everything, I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a good work week, feel free to comment if you want, if not that's ok too and thanks for readin :)