(no subject)
where to start?
well i guess i'll start by explaining that i already wrote two paragraphs for this post, it started of by praising the dead zone for it's dialouge. after the second paragraph i went to take a break and resume later, this is me resuming later. something felt odd, it was overstated.. the first two paragraphs. they were explaining like i was explaining to a child, i guess that can serve as good example of how i am, how i've been. you just get to a level where you don't wish to go out of your way to get a point across, or where you just aren't trying to get something across, just express.
i'll 'start' by going further back, y'know set the stage.
i went to work, i had a great place, and time of my own, without interruption, when all went through their motions, i relized 'your own' isn't enviromental, it's personal, i'm reminded of a bouncing souls lyric
'i don't worry where i need to be, wherever i am that's the place to be'
good line, people really underrate that band
so i dropped out, i guess i was training myself for that place, but at the time i thought i was there, more and more each day i train myself not to invest myself in the idea that i am there, i just train, so now i do
let's get it going now
last week i was at a show, two things happened, one that caught my attention and one that twisted my grits, i'll start with the one that caught my attention
at one point i was repremanded for an illegal yes but not wrong action, the person who repremanded me i have no problem with his criticism, some people do, not me, he's a good dude, a good friend, and an honest one at that, but in that way he serves as a good referance point for what i'd call 'the old way', back when punks were punk, and a scene was something fought for, not just allowed, when he scolded me i knew and acknowledged his legit discontents, but he said a word 'condone'
something struck me about that word, it was so politically motivated, like i was in charge of other people's minds, i remember and to this day still feel very enlightened by the lyrics of jesse michaels, why? because he was concious but had no political agenda, and he always encouraged personal growth, something admirable in that vaguety, you could say philisophically speaking it is the epitome of diy ethic, and it's something that i can probably attribute a lot of who i am today to
the other is much more impacting and much less enlightening, i've been thinking about adding a bass player to without a oO(___), and i had found a great canidate, phil of the sandrags, currently of summer salts, to bring you up to date austin's been acting more and more elitest, which i'll just say now i don't understand why that can be such a prominent feature amongst that circle of friends, it just seems so undeserved, he was complaining about how he didn't know phil, and in a way where it was no one knew him, which i can't express how niave such is
but that isn't half of it, there seems to be these conflicting sides to austin's involvement, one half doesn't want to have anything to do with the band outside of drumming, one half has to have a say/problem with every aspect of the running of the band, either i wouldn't i have a problem with, but the confliction between the two is too fickle to deal with, but after a good deal of having to work with him (eghhh) i got him to come out and meet phil
he shows up way after phil plays but odd enough at an opportune time to play, refuses to (which is kind of against what the band is centered around) and takes of after 10 minutes or so, needless to say it only further the idea that a problem with being in a band with this dude wasn't a possibility anymore, it was a fact
the next day i didn't know how to feel, i canceled practice knowing that it would only give austin the entertainment he only wanted from the band (which is good proof that the side that pretends to have so much to say about the runnings of the band is false) and just took a day to think about the situation, what i came to is that things wouldn't be resolved without actually talking to the dude
so the next day, i attempted to arrange such, austin just ditched out to see the x-files movie and eventually just validated it by saying he doesn't do 'those kind of conversations', then he expected me to do 'those kind of relationships' needless to say things as of now or inexistant between us
i'm happy, it's like loosing dead weight, but unfortunently it empties your hand from what you worked hard to have.. and it was a good premise
i went to emilys and just chilled, her friend and roommate fabricio converted lately, she hates it, the morning after his baptism she had so many complaints with the whole system, but every other line she reverted to her manners and told me how beautiful it was, oh how romanticism plagues logic, i spent the day trying to help her calm down, trying to root her into her reality, the day ended with us sitting in a parking lot and her annoying the shit out of me
i spent the night at isaacs with the intention of going to day labour in the morning, i woke up and after a minute or two of contemplation i proceeded to say fuck it, when isaac woke up i asked him to give me a lift to my folks and i've spent the past 4 days codiened up, in the evenings i'll make my way down to ihop, not to write or anything really, just analyze my situation, i still don't know where i stand, i'll keep you up to date, but for now i give you this
'?...'
two other things
the night of 8 bit i say great music, it reminded me how nerd is a social deviant in our society jsut like me
i also went to ol south with alex and michael, and i felt completely comfortable talking about drug use in front of them, i'm glad, and now that i type that i also relize how michael is and was always good about people living different lifestyles, i'm really glad
also alex's girlfriend is very nice but... i dunno she kind of like alex, acts like a know it all, but isn't a know it all, and knows she doesn't know it all, it's a very mild form of pretention, interesting
isaac and me got in a talk about sublime at one point, isaac acted big headed, i hope it's not from hanging with austin and tyler cause i just can't put up with that kind of behavior right now, something about complaining about things like they just effect you so much, it's like you're just trying to hard to have an opinion.. and it's weak
i hope i can sit down with nick soon
and kerstn is amazing, i can't believe i didn't hook up with her cause of 'comradery'
well i guess i'll start by explaining that i already wrote two paragraphs for this post, it started of by praising the dead zone for it's dialouge. after the second paragraph i went to take a break and resume later, this is me resuming later. something felt odd, it was overstated.. the first two paragraphs. they were explaining like i was explaining to a child, i guess that can serve as good example of how i am, how i've been. you just get to a level where you don't wish to go out of your way to get a point across, or where you just aren't trying to get something across, just express.
i'll 'start' by going further back, y'know set the stage.
i went to work, i had a great place, and time of my own, without interruption, when all went through their motions, i relized 'your own' isn't enviromental, it's personal, i'm reminded of a bouncing souls lyric
'i don't worry where i need to be, wherever i am that's the place to be'
good line, people really underrate that band
so i dropped out, i guess i was training myself for that place, but at the time i thought i was there, more and more each day i train myself not to invest myself in the idea that i am there, i just train, so now i do
let's get it going now
last week i was at a show, two things happened, one that caught my attention and one that twisted my grits, i'll start with the one that caught my attention
at one point i was repremanded for an illegal yes but not wrong action, the person who repremanded me i have no problem with his criticism, some people do, not me, he's a good dude, a good friend, and an honest one at that, but in that way he serves as a good referance point for what i'd call 'the old way', back when punks were punk, and a scene was something fought for, not just allowed, when he scolded me i knew and acknowledged his legit discontents, but he said a word 'condone'
something struck me about that word, it was so politically motivated, like i was in charge of other people's minds, i remember and to this day still feel very enlightened by the lyrics of jesse michaels, why? because he was concious but had no political agenda, and he always encouraged personal growth, something admirable in that vaguety, you could say philisophically speaking it is the epitome of diy ethic, and it's something that i can probably attribute a lot of who i am today to
the other is much more impacting and much less enlightening, i've been thinking about adding a bass player to without a oO(___), and i had found a great canidate, phil of the sandrags, currently of summer salts, to bring you up to date austin's been acting more and more elitest, which i'll just say now i don't understand why that can be such a prominent feature amongst that circle of friends, it just seems so undeserved, he was complaining about how he didn't know phil, and in a way where it was no one knew him, which i can't express how niave such is
but that isn't half of it, there seems to be these conflicting sides to austin's involvement, one half doesn't want to have anything to do with the band outside of drumming, one half has to have a say/problem with every aspect of the running of the band, either i wouldn't i have a problem with, but the confliction between the two is too fickle to deal with, but after a good deal of having to work with him (eghhh) i got him to come out and meet phil
he shows up way after phil plays but odd enough at an opportune time to play, refuses to (which is kind of against what the band is centered around) and takes of after 10 minutes or so, needless to say it only further the idea that a problem with being in a band with this dude wasn't a possibility anymore, it was a fact
the next day i didn't know how to feel, i canceled practice knowing that it would only give austin the entertainment he only wanted from the band (which is good proof that the side that pretends to have so much to say about the runnings of the band is false) and just took a day to think about the situation, what i came to is that things wouldn't be resolved without actually talking to the dude
so the next day, i attempted to arrange such, austin just ditched out to see the x-files movie and eventually just validated it by saying he doesn't do 'those kind of conversations', then he expected me to do 'those kind of relationships' needless to say things as of now or inexistant between us
i'm happy, it's like loosing dead weight, but unfortunently it empties your hand from what you worked hard to have.. and it was a good premise
i went to emilys and just chilled, her friend and roommate fabricio converted lately, she hates it, the morning after his baptism she had so many complaints with the whole system, but every other line she reverted to her manners and told me how beautiful it was, oh how romanticism plagues logic, i spent the day trying to help her calm down, trying to root her into her reality, the day ended with us sitting in a parking lot and her annoying the shit out of me
i spent the night at isaacs with the intention of going to day labour in the morning, i woke up and after a minute or two of contemplation i proceeded to say fuck it, when isaac woke up i asked him to give me a lift to my folks and i've spent the past 4 days codiened up, in the evenings i'll make my way down to ihop, not to write or anything really, just analyze my situation, i still don't know where i stand, i'll keep you up to date, but for now i give you this
'?...'
two other things
the night of 8 bit i say great music, it reminded me how nerd is a social deviant in our society jsut like me
i also went to ol south with alex and michael, and i felt completely comfortable talking about drug use in front of them, i'm glad, and now that i type that i also relize how michael is and was always good about people living different lifestyles, i'm really glad
also alex's girlfriend is very nice but... i dunno she kind of like alex, acts like a know it all, but isn't a know it all, and knows she doesn't know it all, it's a very mild form of pretention, interesting
isaac and me got in a talk about sublime at one point, isaac acted big headed, i hope it's not from hanging with austin and tyler cause i just can't put up with that kind of behavior right now, something about complaining about things like they just effect you so much, it's like you're just trying to hard to have an opinion.. and it's weak
i hope i can sit down with nick soon
and kerstn is amazing, i can't believe i didn't hook up with her cause of 'comradery'