here i am
hurrumph
i dunno i never start a post like that
regardless here i am at toni an derek's place over off by lover's lane, i must say i'm feeling rather level right now, which i am taking my time doing, lord knows how things can get
i've been sick and practically doing nothing the past few days, my ears also been stopped up for a week and i just haven't felt up to anything at all, oh and did i ention my bike got a flat and the only way to get one anytime soon is to walk all the way down to tcu with this summer heat bearin down on me, how i spent the past few days was reading and when i was bored with reading i stared off and thought about what i read, intermitent was tedious ways to pass a few minutes, petting my cat, playing drums or ordering pizza just to keep from the store or cooking, the ac running at just an ungodly rate, it's hard to know whne it's time for sleep whne you haven't exhausted your body in the least bit, time slips by but it has nothing to do with how preoccuppied you are but how every hour is indistinguishable from the one prior, i remember when i was so ok with my lack of direction and every other moment my life had found new meaning, the consistancy i asked for hasn't arrived yet but the problems are familiar and the response are jaded
i don't know if i get more depressed, angry, discouraged than i did in the passing years of my very early adulthood, but i sure as hell get more affected by it
maybe though
maybe my lack of movement only mirrors my productions
regardless it gets deep
so very deep
but that's why i'm posting for as of now i'm over at toni and dereks place, not too far from hauling my ass back to ft. worth, last night was mediocre, i had a blast regardless maybe it was just the change of scenery and the yet tapped relationships, but if you ask me there something more to it, yesterday i said this admist myself
'there something about the city, it dignifies my solitude'
in the mass, it places grave importance on the self
this is truly unrelated to my state of being besides the point the that very dignity brings a respect for my mischievious depression
and as i know it is that very hold on reality that fuels the progress
'the progress' how robotic and detached
but oh how the city is robotic and detached
i feel as if i'm at some sort of 'right' place
and these moments have been dwindling lately
that feeling of being at the 'right' place
so i take a deep drink
it might not come this way any time soon
here i am, ok with who i am
i dunno i never start a post like that
regardless here i am at toni an derek's place over off by lover's lane, i must say i'm feeling rather level right now, which i am taking my time doing, lord knows how things can get
i've been sick and practically doing nothing the past few days, my ears also been stopped up for a week and i just haven't felt up to anything at all, oh and did i ention my bike got a flat and the only way to get one anytime soon is to walk all the way down to tcu with this summer heat bearin down on me, how i spent the past few days was reading and when i was bored with reading i stared off and thought about what i read, intermitent was tedious ways to pass a few minutes, petting my cat, playing drums or ordering pizza just to keep from the store or cooking, the ac running at just an ungodly rate, it's hard to know whne it's time for sleep whne you haven't exhausted your body in the least bit, time slips by but it has nothing to do with how preoccuppied you are but how every hour is indistinguishable from the one prior, i remember when i was so ok with my lack of direction and every other moment my life had found new meaning, the consistancy i asked for hasn't arrived yet but the problems are familiar and the response are jaded
i don't know if i get more depressed, angry, discouraged than i did in the passing years of my very early adulthood, but i sure as hell get more affected by it
maybe though
maybe my lack of movement only mirrors my productions
regardless it gets deep
so very deep
but that's why i'm posting for as of now i'm over at toni and dereks place, not too far from hauling my ass back to ft. worth, last night was mediocre, i had a blast regardless maybe it was just the change of scenery and the yet tapped relationships, but if you ask me there something more to it, yesterday i said this admist myself
'there something about the city, it dignifies my solitude'
in the mass, it places grave importance on the self
this is truly unrelated to my state of being besides the point the that very dignity brings a respect for my mischievious depression
and as i know it is that very hold on reality that fuels the progress
'the progress' how robotic and detached
but oh how the city is robotic and detached
i feel as if i'm at some sort of 'right' place
and these moments have been dwindling lately
that feeling of being at the 'right' place
so i take a deep drink
it might not come this way any time soon
here i am, ok with who i am