Nah, that's crap.ext_94150September 7 2008, 20:12:16 UTC
First and foremost, some activities can be seen as "doing what it takes to effect change" or "complaining" depending on how you feel about them, or about the person doing them. Protesting, publicizing, expressing disapproval or fear or worry, asking for help...which are they?
Second, where the hell did this justification come from? Who gets to tell me when I'm right to express my annoyance/anger/pain? Screw them, and screw anyone else who decides the first amendment ends where their disapproval begins.
Third, who draws the line between "unwilling" and "incapable" for everyone? Are we supposed to do it for ourselves? Does that mean we are each supposed to magically and infallibly know when we are able or not able to do something?
I could go on and talk about abused spouses and make you look like a real asshole (you dirty wife-beater, you!), but to summarize instead: crap.
A more useful, less self-flagellating aphorism might be "Make sure you're not wasting too much useful time bemoaning things; when you encounter a problem, take a little time to assess the steps you might need to take to solve it entirely, and just those needed to alleviate it to different degrees, then decide where along that scale the demands those steps would have on your time and happiness would align with with the rewards you'd get from following them. If you can't think of any solution, even one that only avoids or temporarily mitigates the trouble, then try not to let concern about it get you down: recenter your focus on what you're actively working on, but keep an eye out for things that may shift the balance of effort-needed/reward-gained on the problem you've laid aside."
We like to discourage ourselves from "complaining" around others. ("We" being cool people.) Maybe we've known self-centered people, and seen how grating and unhelpful some of their complaints are, and we're afraid of being them. Ceasar had someone to remind him he was mortal, but we peer over our own shoulder and say "Remember, no one cares about thy bullshit."
Except of course that some people do care about it. Why not? Ours tends to be less useless, less demanding and less blindly egotistical, and what's more, we're endearing enough that it genuinely matters to our friends if we're bothered, whether we complain about it or not. In fact, sometimes they'll be annoyed if we don't complain, because it means we chose to put that extra barrier between them and us; we decided for them that they don't care about our pain and comfort. Depending on how close they thought they were to us, they can feel quite hurt. Betrayed. Judged lacking.
So we should be careful before assuming that we shouldn't speak up.
Second, where the hell did this justification come from? Who gets to tell me when I'm right to express my annoyance/anger/pain? Screw them, and screw anyone else who decides the first amendment ends where their disapproval begins.
Third, who draws the line between "unwilling" and "incapable" for everyone? Are we supposed to do it for ourselves? Does that mean we are each supposed to magically and infallibly know when we are able or not able to do something?
I could go on and talk about abused spouses and make you look like a real asshole (you dirty wife-beater, you!), but to summarize instead: crap.
A more useful, less self-flagellating aphorism might be "Make sure you're not wasting too much useful time bemoaning things; when you encounter a problem, take a little time to assess the steps you might need to take to solve it entirely, and just those needed to alleviate it to different degrees, then decide where along that scale the demands those steps would have on your time and happiness would align with with the rewards you'd get from following them. If you can't think of any solution, even one that only avoids or temporarily mitigates the trouble, then try not to let concern about it get you down: recenter your focus on what you're actively working on, but keep an eye out for things that may shift the balance of effort-needed/reward-gained on the problem you've laid aside."
We like to discourage ourselves from "complaining" around others. ("We" being cool people.) Maybe we've known self-centered people, and seen how grating and unhelpful some of their complaints are, and we're afraid of being them. Ceasar had someone to remind him he was mortal, but we peer over our own shoulder and say "Remember, no one cares about thy bullshit."
Except of course that some people do care about it. Why not? Ours tends to be less useless, less demanding and less blindly egotistical, and what's more, we're endearing enough that it genuinely matters to our friends if we're bothered, whether we complain about it or not. In fact, sometimes they'll be annoyed if we don't complain, because it means we chose to put that extra barrier between them and us; we decided for them that they don't care about our pain and comfort. Depending on how close they thought they were to us, they can feel quite hurt. Betrayed. Judged lacking.
So we should be careful before assuming that we shouldn't speak up.
Reply
Leave a comment