(Untitled)

[bettertolive]

I miss Mimi at times like these. I haven't had someone that I felt I could just talk to ever since she and I were quit of each other. It's remarkably, and completely unintelligibly, helpful to have someone in one's life that one can really talk to about everything that's going on

Comments

[oceansbabe]

The following I say gently: Don't mistake the freedom you have to come and go, to be in contact or not as you please, to mean that your value to me is low or that I wouldn't like more of you in my life. I believe you care about me, love me, but I have to take that on faith because the actions that would demonstrate your care for me are all but absent. And, quite frankly, you do not encourage me to be close to you when whatever gesture I make is almost rebuffed if it's acknowledged at all. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around hurt all the time, I have a life, etc., but I miss you, and I've been missing you for quite some time. Whatever I may have done that told you not to want or need or expect much of me, if that's where this comes from, I deeply regret those actions and would change them if I could.

To get the connection you imply you want is to understand the reciprocity involved, and it's more than a mental exercise that's required. I think it's a lesson all of us are here to learn, part of being human. Sorry to break it to you, but those little social conventions and expressions you haven't seen the need of, well, they matter for exactly the purpose of defraying the aloneness, for telling all of us walking around feeling lonely that we are not invisible: they connect us. Anyway, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, or at least suspect. It's not that you are confused or ignorant, it's just difficult, and no other significance needs to be attached to it because difficult is enough.