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[bettertolive]

I miss Mimi at times like these. I haven't had someone that I felt I could just talk to ever since she and I were quit of each other. It's remarkably, and completely unintelligibly, helpful to have someone in one's life that one can really talk to about everything that's going on

Comments

[bettertolive]

I suppose I can't compete with "my close friend died". You are right though, in that the functional problem is largely the same (I think that's what you mean, anwyay), though I could perhaps argue that it is worse to be rejected by a living person who was close to you rather than to lose contact with someone who did not reject you but instead died, though I'm not sure if I'm really allowed to compare apples to oranges like that.

You are right about the "emo" thing. I've been called "emo" in the past by some, much to my chagrin. I suppose that by the conventional definition of such I am, since I place a great deal of value on emotional experience and focus on such things more so than other more cynical folks (though I am myself quite cynical in my own right, and am the first line of criticism to my own "emo" thoughts). I understand that the one reaction is to say, "Yeah, your problem sucks, but we all have it, so stop whining." But on the other hand, I want to say, "We all have the same problem. Doesn't that mean we can do _something_ about it, rather than just telling people to stop complaining about it?" Aren't we obligated to work towards _solving_ problems that are universal rather than telling people to ignore them and shut up about them? That sounds like a path that won't lead to solutions at all, where a universal acknowledgement might lead to, at the very least, a lessening of individual burdens in everyday life.

[ext_94150]

Well, whatever you do, don't try to "really talk" with the many people you know who have yet to sequester themselves from your life. That would be crazy! You're "not special," after all, so there's no way that they'd be interested in hearing about your problems!

Sorry, but friends are, in fact, special. It's fine for one to accept that, on a cosmic scale or to a disinterested observer, one has little that stands out from other young tall male American human. But if you don't accept that you are special to some people, that you do stand out from the crowd to them, then your behavior towards them tells them that they're idiots for wasting their feelings on you. Then you're surprised when they decide to stop hanging around. Except when you're not, of course, because the event gives you the satisfaction of confirming the world-view of your unimportance and worthlessness. "I knew it! I knew they were just hanging around to be polite, or still figuring out that I'm not worth knowing, or because they had nothing better to do!" Congratulations: when introspective, you are the ultimate wet blanket, the supreme ruiner of all good feelings directed at you.

The other reaction than "suck up and deal" is, as you say, to try to do something about it. However, whenever I've tried to help you do something about it, you've tried to disengage from the subject, minimize the importance of the problem, mock it and me...If we're obligated to work towards solving problems, why don't you?

That was a rhetorical question. The answer is: no good reason. Move on, foster emotional connections between yourself and your friends or people who could be your friends, recognize that there isn't a mystical "worth" value separate from positive impact in the lives of folk and that you can do a thousand things a day to magnify that impact which you currently don't, celebrate all the good things and people in your life, and try to increase their number. That's the only secret of those people you see who seem to be uninfected by emo-ness. They're not any better than you, they've just made the vanishingly small effort required to be human being to themselves and others.