Wow, Hello Again!
I randomly happened upon my LJ, and I started to read all of my old entries. It has been 6 years since I started it, and 3 since I last wrote in it.
So much has happened, and so much has changed.
It seems as though no one else much uses their LJ anymore, which I guess is okay with me, because I never really wrote in mine for the sole purpose of getting comments.
I don't know that I can sum up everything that has happened in the past three years that I have been absent from my LJ.
For now, I can start where I am at, and just continue on from there.
I am now together with Matt Fitzgerald. Yes, THE Matt Fitzgerald. I was with him when I was 12, and mentioned him a couple times in past LJ entries. I was so in love with him, and he was always who I considered to be my first and only love. Ever since he moved away from the neighborhood when I was like...14, I myspace stalked and looked for him. I missed him, and to this day, I'm still hazy as to the reason we fought so hard and 'broke up'. I put it in quotes because we were never really going out to begin with. Anyways, I found him on Myspace in November/December 2009. I added him and was quite nervous about doing so. I assumed he would have a girlfriend/fiancee and be happy without me, which most often happens with exes I happen to have even the most modest feelings for.
I was also nervous and gun-shy, because for one, I was pregnant, and for two, I had just broken up with Tony. Now, Tony is a completely different and seperate story that I will probably get into at a later date, as it is a long, shitty, horribad and involved story.
I was around 5/6 months pregnant. In the case that Matt didn't havea girlfriend, I was sure that he would not want to talk to me again, and if he did, he most certainly would not want to get involved in any way with a girl who was pregnant.
Never in my life have I been so happy to be wrong. Matt was flabbergasted to find out that I had tracked him down, and that I wanted to talk to him. I missed him so much. This kid had my heart before anyone else ever did. He was the first person who I thought of having sex with, back when the mere thought of sex made me blush and almost cry. lol. He was the person who I connected so well with, I thought of what our wedding would be like, what our kids would look like, and all that weird, girly fantasy,
I have to say, since I started talking to him again, he has been here for me no matter what. He was with me for the birth of London, and he went to San Diego with me when I needed my second PTE surgery. Every time I've been in the hospital, he has come with me. Everything I have needed he has tried his hardest to make happen. I have come to love him even more than I did before, if that is even possible. He gave me a promise ring on Christmas. We have always talked about marriage, but it's not like it was with other people, with him. We talk about it so casually, and so sure. It's always seemed like a fantasy, or a dream when I've talked of it with other people, but with him, it seems like we're talking about plans for dinner next week. Don't get me wrong, that is a GREAT thing. It's like, we both know it's going to happen, it's only a matter of when. It's not a matter of fantasy, or dreams, or something we're not sure of. It WILL happen.
Like I said, he's been here fo rme, but he's also been here for London. He has been the best Daddy. She loves him so much. I couldn't have hoped for a better person. He treats us both like queens. Sometimes it's so confusing, because I've never been treated this well for this long without some huge downfall or some catch. I'm learning there is no catch to his love. He's not using me to take his virginity and for sex (ahem, Keith), he's not complaining that we don't have sex ((because we do. luls.))(ahem, Phil.), he's not using me just for sex and for money (ahem, Abe), he's not using me to take care of him, financially, emotionally and physically (ahem, Tony). He does everything he does because he loves us both.
The only thing currently wrong in my life is the fact that my family dislikes him and his family, and him and his family dislike my family. It is harder on me than anyone could ever know. I feel like I'm constantly being made to choose, no matter what. Each time I'm with one, they always make it a point to make snide remarks about the other. I've constantly asked them both to stop talking shit, stop being negative about each other, but it never stops. I hope they fucking stop before London really realizes that her Mommy's family and Daddy's family are at each others' throats.
Anyways, I think it will be good for me to get back to LJ. I mean, come on, I've had this thing for 6 years! The longest relationship I've ever had is with my online journal...yeah, I'm that cool :P
So, I think I'm gonna enjoy my LJ again. It's nice, I like the layout, and I figure things can go back to me just spurting out everything I think without worrying about who will read it and what they will think. I don't think anyone still reads this, and even if they do, they certainly don't care what happens, or what I write about. lol.
So, in closing, I just wanna say welcome back to me. :D
So much has happened, and so much has changed.
It seems as though no one else much uses their LJ anymore, which I guess is okay with me, because I never really wrote in mine for the sole purpose of getting comments.
I don't know that I can sum up everything that has happened in the past three years that I have been absent from my LJ.
For now, I can start where I am at, and just continue on from there.
I am now together with Matt Fitzgerald. Yes, THE Matt Fitzgerald. I was with him when I was 12, and mentioned him a couple times in past LJ entries. I was so in love with him, and he was always who I considered to be my first and only love. Ever since he moved away from the neighborhood when I was like...14, I myspace stalked and looked for him. I missed him, and to this day, I'm still hazy as to the reason we fought so hard and 'broke up'. I put it in quotes because we were never really going out to begin with. Anyways, I found him on Myspace in November/December 2009. I added him and was quite nervous about doing so. I assumed he would have a girlfriend/fiancee and be happy without me, which most often happens with exes I happen to have even the most modest feelings for.
I was also nervous and gun-shy, because for one, I was pregnant, and for two, I had just broken up with Tony. Now, Tony is a completely different and seperate story that I will probably get into at a later date, as it is a long, shitty, horribad and involved story.
I was around 5/6 months pregnant. In the case that Matt didn't havea girlfriend, I was sure that he would not want to talk to me again, and if he did, he most certainly would not want to get involved in any way with a girl who was pregnant.
Never in my life have I been so happy to be wrong. Matt was flabbergasted to find out that I had tracked him down, and that I wanted to talk to him. I missed him so much. This kid had my heart before anyone else ever did. He was the first person who I thought of having sex with, back when the mere thought of sex made me blush and almost cry. lol. He was the person who I connected so well with, I thought of what our wedding would be like, what our kids would look like, and all that weird, girly fantasy,
I have to say, since I started talking to him again, he has been here for me no matter what. He was with me for the birth of London, and he went to San Diego with me when I needed my second PTE surgery. Every time I've been in the hospital, he has come with me. Everything I have needed he has tried his hardest to make happen. I have come to love him even more than I did before, if that is even possible. He gave me a promise ring on Christmas. We have always talked about marriage, but it's not like it was with other people, with him. We talk about it so casually, and so sure. It's always seemed like a fantasy, or a dream when I've talked of it with other people, but with him, it seems like we're talking about plans for dinner next week. Don't get me wrong, that is a GREAT thing. It's like, we both know it's going to happen, it's only a matter of when. It's not a matter of fantasy, or dreams, or something we're not sure of. It WILL happen.
Like I said, he's been here fo rme, but he's also been here for London. He has been the best Daddy. She loves him so much. I couldn't have hoped for a better person. He treats us both like queens. Sometimes it's so confusing, because I've never been treated this well for this long without some huge downfall or some catch. I'm learning there is no catch to his love. He's not using me to take his virginity and for sex (ahem, Keith), he's not complaining that we don't have sex ((because we do. luls.))(ahem, Phil.), he's not using me just for sex and for money (ahem, Abe), he's not using me to take care of him, financially, emotionally and physically (ahem, Tony). He does everything he does because he loves us both.
The only thing currently wrong in my life is the fact that my family dislikes him and his family, and him and his family dislike my family. It is harder on me than anyone could ever know. I feel like I'm constantly being made to choose, no matter what. Each time I'm with one, they always make it a point to make snide remarks about the other. I've constantly asked them both to stop talking shit, stop being negative about each other, but it never stops. I hope they fucking stop before London really realizes that her Mommy's family and Daddy's family are at each others' throats.
Anyways, I think it will be good for me to get back to LJ. I mean, come on, I've had this thing for 6 years! The longest relationship I've ever had is with my online journal...yeah, I'm that cool :P
So, I think I'm gonna enjoy my LJ again. It's nice, I like the layout, and I figure things can go back to me just spurting out everything I think without worrying about who will read it and what they will think. I don't think anyone still reads this, and even if they do, they certainly don't care what happens, or what I write about. lol.
So, in closing, I just wanna say welcome back to me. :D