How stupid i felt
I went to visit steve yesterday.. and knew what exit to take. what gate ..but not what street to turn down inside of rose hills.. I felt so stupid walking up and down looking for the name Steven Matthew Lofing.. only to finally talk to the park manager and he says the name isnt in the computer ..so at this point im pissed im like how the hell could his name not be in there?..so then to drive all the way down to Gate one and give them the name and date of birth and even the little card with his picture on it that i keep in my wallet.. and finally they find it..it was the very top street that I didnt turn down..And i usually can find the marker based on flowers or balloons so once I turned down the street i knew exactly which one was his.. so i got out and walked up the hill.. looked at all the other flowers there and smiled and said " Finally steve i found ya!" I put the white rose down that i got him and well .. just remembered all the memories and friends that came with me to visit him before..Its hard to believe three years has passed by because well I cant imagine how my life is Ok without him here. I was in church yesterday and while praying i just broke down and cried..Remembering him.. I always go to visit him and promise myself that im not going to cry about it...but every single time i do!..I told him how i couldnt belive how bad of a friend i was by not remembering where he was buried..and I still cant belive how comfortable and peaceful it feels up there..with the LA view in the distance..and one of my best friends at my side i could almost fall asleep..I had no worries..and no thoughts but of him...I thank god for my friends and family everyday.. and i thank him for giving me so much strength at the moments i wanted to be gone.. well iguess thats all i got. .