just thinking
i lower my eyes wishing i could cry more and care less
I was thinking about some things, about me (because I’m self centered), and about how I’ve changed in the last couple years. One of the days I was in Maine with Astrid (friend from school) she said that the only time she had seen me really angry was this one particular incident where someone had stolen something from me. It struck me that in a year she had only seen me get angry once. If anyone remembers…I used to have quite a temper. I could fly into a rage with the best of them (is there a best f the ragers?). It’s something I sort of got from my mother and made a concerted effort to squash it down. Apparently I did a decent job. The thing is, it’s had weird side effects. I watched 3 hours of TV this morning and got teary eyed about 3 times. I haven’t cried that much about my real life all year. I used to cry a lot. I guess this should be a good thing, but I can’t see it that way. There were definitely times this year where I wanted nothing more than a good cry and I couldn’t. I never used to cry over movies or plays…now commercials make me misty, Blah blah blah psych terms. I’m sure there is some lovely analysis that could be made of this.
I get so annoyed now when people get bent out of shape over little things. Whether they’re angry or upset I just can’t handle when people freak out about things I think are insignificant. I just want to tell them to shut the hell up. (more so about being angry then upset, because who am I to qualify or disqualify someone else’s pain). I don’t know what it I, but maybe they are all right. Are we supposed to get mad about the little things? Am I too acquiescent with the world…too complacent? It’s not that I don’t feel shit anymore…believe me…I get emotionally distraught like everyone else…In fact I freak out about stuff too….Belliveau haha…I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore…I guess that brings me to the quote at the top. Erm…I’m done mind vomiting now.
~Lauren
I was thinking about some things, about me (because I’m self centered), and about how I’ve changed in the last couple years. One of the days I was in Maine with Astrid (friend from school) she said that the only time she had seen me really angry was this one particular incident where someone had stolen something from me. It struck me that in a year she had only seen me get angry once. If anyone remembers…I used to have quite a temper. I could fly into a rage with the best of them (is there a best f the ragers?). It’s something I sort of got from my mother and made a concerted effort to squash it down. Apparently I did a decent job. The thing is, it’s had weird side effects. I watched 3 hours of TV this morning and got teary eyed about 3 times. I haven’t cried that much about my real life all year. I used to cry a lot. I guess this should be a good thing, but I can’t see it that way. There were definitely times this year where I wanted nothing more than a good cry and I couldn’t. I never used to cry over movies or plays…now commercials make me misty, Blah blah blah psych terms. I’m sure there is some lovely analysis that could be made of this.
I get so annoyed now when people get bent out of shape over little things. Whether they’re angry or upset I just can’t handle when people freak out about things I think are insignificant. I just want to tell them to shut the hell up. (more so about being angry then upset, because who am I to qualify or disqualify someone else’s pain). I don’t know what it I, but maybe they are all right. Are we supposed to get mad about the little things? Am I too acquiescent with the world…too complacent? It’s not that I don’t feel shit anymore…believe me…I get emotionally distraught like everyone else…In fact I freak out about stuff too….Belliveau haha…I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore…I guess that brings me to the quote at the top. Erm…I’m done mind vomiting now.
~Lauren