it all runs together

[better_than_oh]

The past few days have been strange. Monday night, after significant trauma, I found myself driving up to Menlo Park rather late in the evening and then driving around with Laurie and talking. We added Zack to the mixture and went to "the Doggy" where we always succeed in being out of place and/or more immature than usual. Something about that night I felt was important to remember, but of course I haven't. We eventually met up with Kelly breifly at the park and I made my way home. Sleep is a remarkable thing. I woke up and started packing the next day, in a somewhat normal distracted state, expecting...well I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe a good conversation. Not closure? I was starting to get ansty when he called, and his upset voice nearly shattered me. Not today, he said. I needed to get out. There's no one left in San Jose. I decided to get Sarah's birthday present so I went to the Goodwill. I had called Michael, Laurie, and Dorothy at that point. I wasn't feeling inspired but I eventually found a good idea. Everything still felt strange and lonely and slightly fuzzy as many foreign things do. I cried a little. Broke down on the phone to Sarah. I picked up my drycleaning and then met up with her. To do something. I needed something different. We went thrifiting in Saratoga and Los Gatos and I had a bagel sandwich and coffee. It helped my mood quite a bit. Sarah has that way about her, too. She always cheers me up. I bought a jewelery box and some shoes. I went home before we went out to dinner with my grandma and cousin. I seemed to have lost my patience and social skills by that point again. Grandma seemed rather upset to see me leaving again to Seattle. I had a headache. My dad said the meal was the worst he had had in a long time. I agreed, but unlike him, I didn't want to dwell on it. I took some tylonol and went to bed later than when I was initially tired. My brother got another call from his girlfriend at 4 in the morning. No comment. I woke up early for my appointment. The male RN was entertaining and only slightly awkward. He talked to me about 60s country music compilations and other things while i flipped through sunset magazine. I wore a baseball cap all day, which seemed out of character. I ate nothing but chocolate pie and greek pastry. I went to the mall with Laurie and her friend and continued to pack up things in my room. Things things things. I finished loading things onto my laptop and sewing things for my mother. My face is bright red and stings. I picked up my brother from school. Soon I'll go out with Sarah-tomorrow is her birthday. Tomorrow morning we will pick up Laurie and Kelly's things in the truck and all of my stuff will be packed away. And I'll see him for the last time for a long time. I still feel so strange and sad about it all.
For once I don't feel like getting that dressed up.

That sort of lipgloss only looks good in pictures.