Friendship
It's complicated. I don't really know what to say other than that. It's harder for me than being a relationship. That isn't easy, per say, but more focused and intimate.
Though, over the past few years, particularly the past few months, I feel like I've finally gotten to the place again where I have close friends I care about. I moved from Delaware to San Diego in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. And people were hugely different, and I withdrew, and really, California just never fit.
I moved to Illinois 3 years ago. It fits. The people feel right, my life feels right. But even so, it's really taken until my most recent job for me to develop relationships with girls there that I really feel close to, that I can be open with and have fun with. And that's been big because it's been a while since I've really had close girl friends. Guys have always been easier, for me.
On the internet, it's a bit the same way, which is why the prospect of cons is a little terrifying. A lot of people have already made close connections and it was intimidating to walk into that. Particularly since I think I hang on the outskirts of fandom, especially since I don't write. So this weekend was a little mix of terrifying and wonderful, because yeah, it was tough to go into that alone. But at the same time, I am SO happy I met people I was able to have a nice time with and continue talking to.
But boy, bridging the gap between the internet and real life is always so STRANGE! I mean, I've done it before (our roommates are the best example of that), but always, it's just the oddest experience. And still, really, I'm on the edges, but it just felt nice to have such a good time with people I met.
There's no point to this, I'm just feeling contemplative and present, at the moment.
Though, over the past few years, particularly the past few months, I feel like I've finally gotten to the place again where I have close friends I care about. I moved from Delaware to San Diego in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. And people were hugely different, and I withdrew, and really, California just never fit.
I moved to Illinois 3 years ago. It fits. The people feel right, my life feels right. But even so, it's really taken until my most recent job for me to develop relationships with girls there that I really feel close to, that I can be open with and have fun with. And that's been big because it's been a while since I've really had close girl friends. Guys have always been easier, for me.
On the internet, it's a bit the same way, which is why the prospect of cons is a little terrifying. A lot of people have already made close connections and it was intimidating to walk into that. Particularly since I think I hang on the outskirts of fandom, especially since I don't write. So this weekend was a little mix of terrifying and wonderful, because yeah, it was tough to go into that alone. But at the same time, I am SO happy I met people I was able to have a nice time with and continue talking to.
But boy, bridging the gap between the internet and real life is always so STRANGE! I mean, I've done it before (our roommates are the best example of that), but always, it's just the oddest experience. And still, really, I'm on the edges, but it just felt nice to have such a good time with people I met.
There's no point to this, I'm just feeling contemplative and present, at the moment.