(no subject)
Today I came home at lunch from school, because since this morning I just haven't been feeling great. My throught it all sore, and I'm just exhausted. I think it's due to school work, and the fact that there has been so much family drama. Emotional stress is so draining.
I've also had to figure out what I'm gonna do next year. The program that I'm in is done at the end of April. I'm so glad I decided to go to college. It has helped me so much. I've learned how to cope with 'adult' school. I've pretty much decided that in September I'm going to go to Western.
The campus I'd be at is called Breschia, which is actually an all-girls campus. The whole all girls thing took a while for me to come around to, but it really is easier for me to learn in that type of environment. The classes are also really small. Also, the main campus would be down the hill, so if I ever wanted anything else I could just go there. I had to decide between McMaster and Western. I really love McMaster's campus, but academically, it just wasn't the right fit, and for me. I think that if I could have done the program from Breschia at McMaster, it would have been the perfect thing, but it's just not the case.
I look at it this way, I'll give it a year, and if I really hate it, I can go from there. I can always transfer to another school if I really don't like it. But, I need to try. Also, it'll give me the experience of living away, and being on my own. I've never been good at moving away from home, so it'll be a big thing for me. I get anxiety just thinking about that first night sleeping in a new place, with a room mate I won't know. I just try to tell myself that it'll be ok, and that if I don't try, I'll never grow. I'm hoping they give me a room mate that isn't fresh out of high school. I'm nervous about moving out of Toronto, but I think London is enough of a city, that I'll be ok. I'm not a clubbing type anyway, so it's not like I need to have a ton of bars and stuff. I'm just gonna have to adjust to the transit and everything else.
I looked up the prices online for the greyhouse, and it'll cost me about 50 dollars to come into Toronto for a weekend. If I buy the 6 pack of passes or whatever, which I think has a discount, it won't be too bad. And, I know I'm gonna want to come visit, so I think it'll just be a cost I'll need to figure out.
I'm scared of getting to London, not making friends, and being miserable. I know it sounds strange, but I feel a bit like I'm abandoning one of my friends in Toronto by moving away for school. I just want to transition successfully, and know that I'll be ok without having my Toronto base at my fingertips. I guess because I've lived at home for so long, I've become accustomed to it, and don't know any other way of living. I have anticipatory anxiety I guess. It's not my responsibility to stay in Toronto for my friend, but sometimes I feel like I should. This was actually part of the reason it took me so long to decide where to go, because if I picked McMaster, I would only be in Hamilton, which is like 45 minutes away. But, I can't just pick a school because of it's location. I mean, McMaster is close, and has a nice campus, but if I'm miserable in the program, I won't be happy. And, I want to be happy.
The deadline for McMaster is today, and so I'm not gonna think about it anymore. Western has a better program for me, and will give me the opportunity to try something new. I'll be happier in a small program, and the program itself is better suited for me. I'll make friends, and it'll all be ok.
I've also had to figure out what I'm gonna do next year. The program that I'm in is done at the end of April. I'm so glad I decided to go to college. It has helped me so much. I've learned how to cope with 'adult' school. I've pretty much decided that in September I'm going to go to Western.
The campus I'd be at is called Breschia, which is actually an all-girls campus. The whole all girls thing took a while for me to come around to, but it really is easier for me to learn in that type of environment. The classes are also really small. Also, the main campus would be down the hill, so if I ever wanted anything else I could just go there. I had to decide between McMaster and Western. I really love McMaster's campus, but academically, it just wasn't the right fit, and for me. I think that if I could have done the program from Breschia at McMaster, it would have been the perfect thing, but it's just not the case.
I look at it this way, I'll give it a year, and if I really hate it, I can go from there. I can always transfer to another school if I really don't like it. But, I need to try. Also, it'll give me the experience of living away, and being on my own. I've never been good at moving away from home, so it'll be a big thing for me. I get anxiety just thinking about that first night sleeping in a new place, with a room mate I won't know. I just try to tell myself that it'll be ok, and that if I don't try, I'll never grow. I'm hoping they give me a room mate that isn't fresh out of high school. I'm nervous about moving out of Toronto, but I think London is enough of a city, that I'll be ok. I'm not a clubbing type anyway, so it's not like I need to have a ton of bars and stuff. I'm just gonna have to adjust to the transit and everything else.
I looked up the prices online for the greyhouse, and it'll cost me about 50 dollars to come into Toronto for a weekend. If I buy the 6 pack of passes or whatever, which I think has a discount, it won't be too bad. And, I know I'm gonna want to come visit, so I think it'll just be a cost I'll need to figure out.
I'm scared of getting to London, not making friends, and being miserable. I know it sounds strange, but I feel a bit like I'm abandoning one of my friends in Toronto by moving away for school. I just want to transition successfully, and know that I'll be ok without having my Toronto base at my fingertips. I guess because I've lived at home for so long, I've become accustomed to it, and don't know any other way of living. I have anticipatory anxiety I guess. It's not my responsibility to stay in Toronto for my friend, but sometimes I feel like I should. This was actually part of the reason it took me so long to decide where to go, because if I picked McMaster, I would only be in Hamilton, which is like 45 minutes away. But, I can't just pick a school because of it's location. I mean, McMaster is close, and has a nice campus, but if I'm miserable in the program, I won't be happy. And, I want to be happy.
The deadline for McMaster is today, and so I'm not gonna think about it anymore. Western has a better program for me, and will give me the opportunity to try something new. I'll be happier in a small program, and the program itself is better suited for me. I'll make friends, and it'll all be ok.