The Internet Plague
because i have been on the move for such a a long time. i have not had the chance to be on here like used to. i actually find that quite refreshing. i am actually afraid of the maze of livejournals, diary-x's, facebook, and myspace profiles. i am afriad because there is always the chance that dirty lil secrets are spilled or i have the curiousity to go find someone i havent talked to in a while. there is a certain amount of restraint that i must use everytime i get on to ensure that my internet usuage will be a pleasurable experience.
i love writing in here....especially when it helps me cope with something.. but otherwise i feel like i am letting down my viewers. my ratings are not as high as they where when i was suidical and that is a damn shame for this journal but not for me. my life now consists of school and work and the frustrations of finding a new job which when i come home and chill out i don't want to talk about. it consists of band practice and shows and if he's lucky shawn....i dont even want to talk about him because i am so tired of thinking. i never thought i could say that and mean it. i am tired of thinking about my life. my life is not exciting and dramatic anymore. and when things do happen it tends to get purposely pushed aside because nothing is important anymore.
it seems that nothing is important anymore. welcome to the adult world i guess of doing what you have to do but not nescessarily liking it....no not even that... its just being there and going thru the motions...not really feeling anything significant. my emotions arent as strong as they used to be..cept for anger...its still going strong. but even after anger....i still tend to come back down to some neutral state that has been around for so long that i am forgetting what some things used to feel like. which is good and bad.
yes my ratings suck....because of this babbling...doesnt make sense i know...therefore i shall stop now.
i love writing in here....especially when it helps me cope with something.. but otherwise i feel like i am letting down my viewers. my ratings are not as high as they where when i was suidical and that is a damn shame for this journal but not for me. my life now consists of school and work and the frustrations of finding a new job which when i come home and chill out i don't want to talk about. it consists of band practice and shows and if he's lucky shawn....i dont even want to talk about him because i am so tired of thinking. i never thought i could say that and mean it. i am tired of thinking about my life. my life is not exciting and dramatic anymore. and when things do happen it tends to get purposely pushed aside because nothing is important anymore.
it seems that nothing is important anymore. welcome to the adult world i guess of doing what you have to do but not nescessarily liking it....no not even that... its just being there and going thru the motions...not really feeling anything significant. my emotions arent as strong as they used to be..cept for anger...its still going strong. but even after anger....i still tend to come back down to some neutral state that has been around for so long that i am forgetting what some things used to feel like. which is good and bad.
yes my ratings suck....because of this babbling...doesnt make sense i know...therefore i shall stop now.