(no subject)

[bethyskuz20]

i have reached numerous conclusions in the past couple of days. i really only intend to write about one of them. the biggest one in fact. i believe it is a proven fact that you cannot be happy in a relationship and also be happy with friendships. and i used to believe that wasn't true. recently i've been trying to prove my theory that you can have both. but while i'm trying to have both friendship and a relationship i am so unhappy with both areas that i just want to quit. i hate the saying "chicks before dicks" it is absolutely asinine. the belief that your friends will always be there but a guy won't is even more erroneous than believing in the rhymed metaphor. because friendships come and go. you can say "we'll be friends forever" and try to believe it. i've been extremely lucky. i have a group of 4 people that i have been friends with for a decade. and we are just as close 12 hours apart as we were when we had 5th period lunch together. at the beginning of this year i thought it was going to be amazing. but slowly the people i'm closest with at school are slipping away. is it because i'm no longer single? no. i believe that my schedule and my friends schedules don't allow for relationships. this first half of first semester of my junior year just makes me realize how much i miss home. granted relationships were different at home, they weren't so up in your face but at the same time its them who know me. people who have known me from the start, people who know how to handle me when i'm being sensitive. i miss it so much it hurts. i want to move back to west chicago but then if i move back everyone else is still at school. i dug my grave and i have to lie in it.

michigan state is of course a grand time. i'm just sick of the stress with school. i'm sick of worrying "are they pissed at me?" i'm just sick of it all and i want to be back on the mag mile in my comfort zone.