Alone at last?
This is quite odd for me. I'm spending the night alone. No Abby, Greg is not down the hall, and my parents aren't even upstairs. I'm here at school, by myself, because I forgot my meds and had to drive back for them. Goofy really, but I'm starting to get used to it. It was hard at first. I went and talked to Sprague so I could sit on Gregory's bed. For some reason I didn't feel lonely as long as I was sitting there. I would have slept there, but Sprague might not have liked that. So, here I am, in our room, except now it's my room, in my sports bra. This is lovely.
I think it might be sick how much I love my friends though, I really feel very strange without them in the same building for a weekend. I'm glad they're spending time with thier families though, as I will be tomorrow and the day after. I sang their "die die song," but my dafodills were no where to be found. "Stay stay," I sang. It made my heart sore, but I knew they hadn't wasted away. They'll be back this spring. I was driving home, I mean back to school, tonight and began to cry. Not because I was sad, but because I realized how incredibly happy I am. I am so grateful for what I have right now. I am loved, I have a sound mind emotionaly and academically, and I have no doubt in my mind that it is only by the grace of God that I am in the glorious spot I am in today. Even if He gave me the pain of last year, He gave me it so I could feel the joy of today. "When you're in that place, you know it will end, but sometimes you wonder if it's worth the wait." It's worth the wait. It really is. And things aren't fabulous. That's what makes it so wonderful, because it's so real. I know I'm not pretending, not making it up as I go. If I was imagining the peace and happiness I'm feeling, it would be much more colorful and faultless than this. But it's not faultless, it's imperfect, sad at times, happy at others, and all together beautiful.
And so, there's no one to hold me tonight, but I'm in much stronger arms now then before. What it comes down to is that I haven't had a night alone with Him in a while. On lonely nights in years past He would envelope me. "Lie still," He whispers. "Let me hold you child." A thick heaviness would rush over me. I felt more safe, more loved, more content than I ever could without Him. And when all was quiet, the thin air, the room, my heart and my soul, I would sing to Him.
I love you
I think it might be sick how much I love my friends though, I really feel very strange without them in the same building for a weekend. I'm glad they're spending time with thier families though, as I will be tomorrow and the day after. I sang their "die die song," but my dafodills were no where to be found. "Stay stay," I sang. It made my heart sore, but I knew they hadn't wasted away. They'll be back this spring. I was driving home, I mean back to school, tonight and began to cry. Not because I was sad, but because I realized how incredibly happy I am. I am so grateful for what I have right now. I am loved, I have a sound mind emotionaly and academically, and I have no doubt in my mind that it is only by the grace of God that I am in the glorious spot I am in today. Even if He gave me the pain of last year, He gave me it so I could feel the joy of today. "When you're in that place, you know it will end, but sometimes you wonder if it's worth the wait." It's worth the wait. It really is. And things aren't fabulous. That's what makes it so wonderful, because it's so real. I know I'm not pretending, not making it up as I go. If I was imagining the peace and happiness I'm feeling, it would be much more colorful and faultless than this. But it's not faultless, it's imperfect, sad at times, happy at others, and all together beautiful.
And so, there's no one to hold me tonight, but I'm in much stronger arms now then before. What it comes down to is that I haven't had a night alone with Him in a while. On lonely nights in years past He would envelope me. "Lie still," He whispers. "Let me hold you child." A thick heaviness would rush over me. I felt more safe, more loved, more content than I ever could without Him. And when all was quiet, the thin air, the room, my heart and my soul, I would sing to Him.
I love you