Thursday night church & dinner
Today is Thursday, or at least it will be for a few more minutes, which means that college-age Bible study was tonight. I always dread the part where they say "stand up and greet each other" because David always makes me tell him how many hands I shook, and I only get the three or so people who decide they want to reach out to the shy girl who's sitting there with her hands in her lap and her head down. Why do I do that? Quite frankly I think it's mostly habit at this point. I've always been shy and reserved around people I don't know, and to actually get up and offer my hand around (as opposed to simply responding when prompted) would take a tremendous amount of effort. It would be an extremely difficult ripping sort of process, one I don't seem to have the will power for at the moment. And to be honest, I actually like that David asks me how many hands. At least in a way. I hate it because it reminds me of how I'm too shy to go interact with people, but I appreciate it because he cares, and that means a lot to me.
Anyway, that only lasts a few minutes. Then we get to why I love going to this church. The guy who teaches is really great. A lot of the churches I've been to have been somewhat lacking, at least to my taste. In once church, the preacher's sermons were annoying because he always liked to stick as many synonyms into his sentences as possible, as if he was trying (unsuccessfully) to show off an impressive vocabulary. At another one, the college group leader never seemed to know what the heck he was talking about. He would print articles off the internet, read off of them a lot, and then make whatever point he was going for. But it always seemed like things were a bit over his head. At one point, he was talking about being intellectual and learning about the universe and stuff, and he kept referring to what I'm sure he must have meant as "astronomy," but he kept saying "astrology." I'm pretty sure a Bible-believing church leader wouldn't be encouraging the study of astrology. That was pretty funny. Everyone was whispering, but no one felt comfortable saying anything. It was quite sad, actually. Granted, he was quite young for a leader, but still. Astronomy vs. astrology? Come on now.
Anyway, my point here is that coming to this church is refreshing because I like the college group leader a lot. Nothing in his style of speaking annoys me, and it's very obvious that he knows what he's talking about it and he's sincere in his passion to teach about it. He's like the one teacher in school whose talks you actually enjoyed listening to, if you were lucky enough to have that in high school. Church may seem like a good time for a nap with some pastors, but I wouldn't think of sleeping through these Bible studies.
After church a bunch of us went out to eat. Everyone talked and had a good time with each other--except me. I just ate and held David's hand, mentally chastising myself for being so lame. Maybe the more I hang out with the group, the more comfortable I'll get. I don't know. It's funny, though: I'm considerably more shy around girls than guys. I think it's because I feel more pressure to make friends. Around guys I'm more relaxed and don't feel any pressure for things to move to an advanced level of friendliness. If they do, great, if they don't, oh well. I need a female companion more anyway. But then if a girl says hi to me, it's like, "Oh crap, what do I say? Boy I feel awkward. I wonder what she thinks of me--does she think my quietness seems rude?" At least that's how it is if it's someone who doesn't feel like just a facade. Do you know the kind of people I'm talking about? The people who approach you with almost an excessive friendliness and a smile that seems just a bit too wide to be natural. The don't necessarily seem insincere, but they don't seem quite real either. Those people I don't feel pressure to make friends with because I feel like they're just there to say "welcome to our church" and that's about it. Sounds kind of cold, but hey, I've been to lots of churches and there's always one or two like that.
But I digress. The point here is that I'm still extremely awkward and shy at this church, I don't want to be, but I can't seem to kick myself in the rear hard enough to get myself going, either. David does some shoving, of course, but that's been pretty ineffectual so far, which obviously is entirely my fault. The expression is true: old habits die hard.
Anyway, that only lasts a few minutes. Then we get to why I love going to this church. The guy who teaches is really great. A lot of the churches I've been to have been somewhat lacking, at least to my taste. In once church, the preacher's sermons were annoying because he always liked to stick as many synonyms into his sentences as possible, as if he was trying (unsuccessfully) to show off an impressive vocabulary. At another one, the college group leader never seemed to know what the heck he was talking about. He would print articles off the internet, read off of them a lot, and then make whatever point he was going for. But it always seemed like things were a bit over his head. At one point, he was talking about being intellectual and learning about the universe and stuff, and he kept referring to what I'm sure he must have meant as "astronomy," but he kept saying "astrology." I'm pretty sure a Bible-believing church leader wouldn't be encouraging the study of astrology. That was pretty funny. Everyone was whispering, but no one felt comfortable saying anything. It was quite sad, actually. Granted, he was quite young for a leader, but still. Astronomy vs. astrology? Come on now.
Anyway, my point here is that coming to this church is refreshing because I like the college group leader a lot. Nothing in his style of speaking annoys me, and it's very obvious that he knows what he's talking about it and he's sincere in his passion to teach about it. He's like the one teacher in school whose talks you actually enjoyed listening to, if you were lucky enough to have that in high school. Church may seem like a good time for a nap with some pastors, but I wouldn't think of sleeping through these Bible studies.
After church a bunch of us went out to eat. Everyone talked and had a good time with each other--except me. I just ate and held David's hand, mentally chastising myself for being so lame. Maybe the more I hang out with the group, the more comfortable I'll get. I don't know. It's funny, though: I'm considerably more shy around girls than guys. I think it's because I feel more pressure to make friends. Around guys I'm more relaxed and don't feel any pressure for things to move to an advanced level of friendliness. If they do, great, if they don't, oh well. I need a female companion more anyway. But then if a girl says hi to me, it's like, "Oh crap, what do I say? Boy I feel awkward. I wonder what she thinks of me--does she think my quietness seems rude?" At least that's how it is if it's someone who doesn't feel like just a facade. Do you know the kind of people I'm talking about? The people who approach you with almost an excessive friendliness and a smile that seems just a bit too wide to be natural. The don't necessarily seem insincere, but they don't seem quite real either. Those people I don't feel pressure to make friends with because I feel like they're just there to say "welcome to our church" and that's about it. Sounds kind of cold, but hey, I've been to lots of churches and there's always one or two like that.
But I digress. The point here is that I'm still extremely awkward and shy at this church, I don't want to be, but I can't seem to kick myself in the rear hard enough to get myself going, either. David does some shoving, of course, but that's been pretty ineffectual so far, which obviously is entirely my fault. The expression is true: old habits die hard.