re*la*tion*ship
When defining things, the scholar in me tends to turn first to the dictionary. While it may not encompass all the nuances of life, it can be a good starting point. So as I struggle to define my own relationship, and struggle to define it in terms of words as well, I turned to the literary powers that be.
re•la•tion•ship
[ri-ley-shuh n-ship] Show IPA
noun
1.
a connection, association, or involvement.
2.
connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3.
an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4.
a sexual involvement; affair.
We form many relationships in our lives, professional relationships, friendships, academic relationships, we join sports teams & social clubs, and choose romantic partners for a Relationship with a capital R as in dictionary definitions #2 and #4, and what is common between all of these in a strictly literary dictionary sense of the word is that there is a connection to others, other teammates, classmates, family members, pets, socialites, friends, etc. So in defining or classifying a specific relationship, perhaps I need to examine what the connection is or what is the source of the connection? (I am now realizing I could write pages about each of my relationships in life, and maybe this is a topic for another day. I am interested in exploring further the relationship with my dogs as well as my professional relationships or my relationship to my job, which I have touched on in the past).
Oftentimes a connection is formed by common interests or beliefs. Oftentimes there is an emotional connection, perhaps strengthened by common interests or beliefs. Oftentimes there is a physical connection, perhaps strengthened by an emotional connection. So as you see it is all related, but how does this connection remain strong? Why is it that some people come and go from our lives without heartache while others cause a lifetime of emotional turbulence? (I fear I am raising more questions than I am answering).
In the year of the midlife crisis at the age of 33, where I have come to question everything that I am and everything that I aspire to become and accomplish, I may have come up with an answer, for better or worse. I believe that the success of a relationship hinges on working towards a common goal. This is so incredibly simple and complex at the same time that it makes my head spin. This is easy to see in straight forward relationships. For example our soccer team, quite literally, works towards a common goal, of scoring goals and winning games. It can be broken down further to say that we share common beliefs in cooperation and physical fitness and the physical and emotional benefits of outdoor activities. Oh, I want to add that by being in a successful relationship, working towards a common goal, one can achieve emotional and physical benefits/health. How’s that for defining a relationship? It can be seen in a professional relationship too, ideally everyone is working towards the common goals of the business, if there are not common goals, the business will not see success.
Now the big one, Relationship. To be successful, or even be considered a relationship, by definition, there must be a connection. In this case it is an emotional connection and a physical connection. In order to establish the connection there must be some common beliefs and feelings. In order to maintain the connection and achieve success you must be working towards a common goal, which may be as simple/complicated as the success of the relationship.
It’s hard to achieve a goal that doesn’t exist, and in the year of the midlife crisis at the age of 33, where I have come to question everything that I am and everything that I aspire to become and accomplish I have been working on defining what my personal goals are (which I’ve written about at length), and now I am struggling to define the common goals of the Relationship. I know what my goals are in the Relationship that I want to be common goals, however I do not know what Clayton’s personal goals are or if he shares in the common goals of the relationship. He may or may not have defined his personal goals in life, which may or may not have bearing on the Relationship. This I am not particularly concerned about, as your personal goals are an ever evolving ambition. What concerns me is the inability to define the common goals of the Relationship. Do we have any common goals? Are we on the same page? Do we have any goals at all? I have goals that I want him to share in, and even if I express them as clearly as I can, I can’t seem to get an answer as to whether or not this is a shared goal, whether or not he feels the same way, whether or not he is working towards the same things as I. I wonder if Clayton has a single goal in terms of our Relationship, and what his goal(s) may be for us. I can’t seem to get him to say, but I suppose that doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t exist (as I struggle to play the part of the eternal optimist). How do we achieve/maintain/measure success? How do we establish emotional health, love, caring, an inseparable bond? What is our shared purpose? What are our shared goals? Why move forward when you’re not moving closer to something, closer to success? I know what I want from a Relationship with a capital R, but I don’t know what’s wanted/expected from me and I don’t know if Clayton wants the same thing, and I don’t know if he even knows what he wants because he seems incapable of expressing this and I’m not a mind reader.
P.S. I am not a mind reader.
I will spell it out again for the sake of clarity. These are some of my goals in life. These are goals that I would like to work towards with a partner. I would like them to be common goals in a Relationship that we are both working towards. I believe that if I am working towards these goals with another person that I can attain success. I am not trying to say that I do not believe in my personal strength or ability to achieve a goal or attain success. I am talking about the success of a relationship, which by very definition, takes two or more individuals.
1. I would like to meet/find/establish a partner who shares in some of the following life goals/dreams/ambitions in the form of a husband who loves me to the moon and back and wants to spend the rest of his life working on these things with me in the name of emotional/spiritual happiness.
2. I would like to travel the world with said husband and learn and explore and grow and share in all the beauty and knowledge of the earth and its inhabitants on our path to spiritual success and emotional wellbeing.
3. I would like to achieve physical success both in terms of a romantic relationship with said husband that is strengthened by our emotional success, but also in terms of staying fit and sharing in (preferably outdoor) physical activity together whether it be hiking or yoga or playing sports or skiing/snowboarding or swimming or any other activity that keeps us physically healthy together for I believe physical health to be the cornerstone of emotional health. (You know how hard it is to feel good mentally when you feel bad physically, whether sick or injured or otherwise compromised).
4. I would like to establish a family. I want to take all that I have learned and all that I have become and to share this with children of my own. I want to grow our love and share the vast knowledge of the world. I want to inspire hope and incite change and establish a nourishing home life and foster success.
Somehow this has become my life mission. It is incredibly simple and incredibly complex. I feel like I just need someone to read it and sign on the dotted line and say I agree to the terms and conditions of the contract and I am on board 100% and if I fail to perform the specific duties of the job as outlined herein this Relationship may be terminated with or without notice or explanation.
End.
re•la•tion•ship
[ri-ley-shuh n-ship] Show IPA
noun
1.
a connection, association, or involvement.
2.
connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3.
an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4.
a sexual involvement; affair.
We form many relationships in our lives, professional relationships, friendships, academic relationships, we join sports teams & social clubs, and choose romantic partners for a Relationship with a capital R as in dictionary definitions #2 and #4, and what is common between all of these in a strictly literary dictionary sense of the word is that there is a connection to others, other teammates, classmates, family members, pets, socialites, friends, etc. So in defining or classifying a specific relationship, perhaps I need to examine what the connection is or what is the source of the connection? (I am now realizing I could write pages about each of my relationships in life, and maybe this is a topic for another day. I am interested in exploring further the relationship with my dogs as well as my professional relationships or my relationship to my job, which I have touched on in the past).
Oftentimes a connection is formed by common interests or beliefs. Oftentimes there is an emotional connection, perhaps strengthened by common interests or beliefs. Oftentimes there is a physical connection, perhaps strengthened by an emotional connection. So as you see it is all related, but how does this connection remain strong? Why is it that some people come and go from our lives without heartache while others cause a lifetime of emotional turbulence? (I fear I am raising more questions than I am answering).
In the year of the midlife crisis at the age of 33, where I have come to question everything that I am and everything that I aspire to become and accomplish, I may have come up with an answer, for better or worse. I believe that the success of a relationship hinges on working towards a common goal. This is so incredibly simple and complex at the same time that it makes my head spin. This is easy to see in straight forward relationships. For example our soccer team, quite literally, works towards a common goal, of scoring goals and winning games. It can be broken down further to say that we share common beliefs in cooperation and physical fitness and the physical and emotional benefits of outdoor activities. Oh, I want to add that by being in a successful relationship, working towards a common goal, one can achieve emotional and physical benefits/health. How’s that for defining a relationship? It can be seen in a professional relationship too, ideally everyone is working towards the common goals of the business, if there are not common goals, the business will not see success.
Now the big one, Relationship. To be successful, or even be considered a relationship, by definition, there must be a connection. In this case it is an emotional connection and a physical connection. In order to establish the connection there must be some common beliefs and feelings. In order to maintain the connection and achieve success you must be working towards a common goal, which may be as simple/complicated as the success of the relationship.
It’s hard to achieve a goal that doesn’t exist, and in the year of the midlife crisis at the age of 33, where I have come to question everything that I am and everything that I aspire to become and accomplish I have been working on defining what my personal goals are (which I’ve written about at length), and now I am struggling to define the common goals of the Relationship. I know what my goals are in the Relationship that I want to be common goals, however I do not know what Clayton’s personal goals are or if he shares in the common goals of the relationship. He may or may not have defined his personal goals in life, which may or may not have bearing on the Relationship. This I am not particularly concerned about, as your personal goals are an ever evolving ambition. What concerns me is the inability to define the common goals of the Relationship. Do we have any common goals? Are we on the same page? Do we have any goals at all? I have goals that I want him to share in, and even if I express them as clearly as I can, I can’t seem to get an answer as to whether or not this is a shared goal, whether or not he feels the same way, whether or not he is working towards the same things as I. I wonder if Clayton has a single goal in terms of our Relationship, and what his goal(s) may be for us. I can’t seem to get him to say, but I suppose that doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t exist (as I struggle to play the part of the eternal optimist). How do we achieve/maintain/measure success? How do we establish emotional health, love, caring, an inseparable bond? What is our shared purpose? What are our shared goals? Why move forward when you’re not moving closer to something, closer to success? I know what I want from a Relationship with a capital R, but I don’t know what’s wanted/expected from me and I don’t know if Clayton wants the same thing, and I don’t know if he even knows what he wants because he seems incapable of expressing this and I’m not a mind reader.
P.S. I am not a mind reader.
I will spell it out again for the sake of clarity. These are some of my goals in life. These are goals that I would like to work towards with a partner. I would like them to be common goals in a Relationship that we are both working towards. I believe that if I am working towards these goals with another person that I can attain success. I am not trying to say that I do not believe in my personal strength or ability to achieve a goal or attain success. I am talking about the success of a relationship, which by very definition, takes two or more individuals.
1. I would like to meet/find/establish a partner who shares in some of the following life goals/dreams/ambitions in the form of a husband who loves me to the moon and back and wants to spend the rest of his life working on these things with me in the name of emotional/spiritual happiness.
2. I would like to travel the world with said husband and learn and explore and grow and share in all the beauty and knowledge of the earth and its inhabitants on our path to spiritual success and emotional wellbeing.
3. I would like to achieve physical success both in terms of a romantic relationship with said husband that is strengthened by our emotional success, but also in terms of staying fit and sharing in (preferably outdoor) physical activity together whether it be hiking or yoga or playing sports or skiing/snowboarding or swimming or any other activity that keeps us physically healthy together for I believe physical health to be the cornerstone of emotional health. (You know how hard it is to feel good mentally when you feel bad physically, whether sick or injured or otherwise compromised).
4. I would like to establish a family. I want to take all that I have learned and all that I have become and to share this with children of my own. I want to grow our love and share the vast knowledge of the world. I want to inspire hope and incite change and establish a nourishing home life and foster success.
Somehow this has become my life mission. It is incredibly simple and incredibly complex. I feel like I just need someone to read it and sign on the dotted line and say I agree to the terms and conditions of the contract and I am on board 100% and if I fail to perform the specific duties of the job as outlined herein this Relationship may be terminated with or without notice or explanation.
End.