(no subject)
I like to think I live my life with little regard to money. I don't feel that it should be all consuming and important, yet I find myself being consumed by financial woes when I can't afford to buy groceries or put gas in my car. It's bad enough I can't be with my family for the holidays, and now I can't afford to send them a package either. I budget and overall find myself to be fiscally responsible, even planned for the time I would be unemployed, but owning my condo over the years I time and again find I have to make up for others lack of planning and inability to pay the bills. I broke off the engaguement and can't afford it alone. I'm tired of being responsible. When is the part when I can be carefree and have fun? I try and find a balance between the two, but as I meet more people it seems the only ones who are well off in their wallets are those that slaved away in their corporate lives for years. Where is my shot at being a self-made millionaire? Even if I start my own business, as I'd like to, I have a feeling it will be a rough road ahead. What sacrifices do I make? What lifestyle must I live to be content with where I am in life, and how much time can I devote to making a quick buck to pay for it? If I am doing all the things I love to do, then why do I still struggle to find happiness? Growing up with a family to provide for me I never had to worry about where my next meal was coming from, and I don't want to worry about it now. I work hard at everything I set out to do, and I feel like it doesn't get me anywhere. I will never own a new car, when mine finally dies I will be riding the bus. The new carpet won't come until long after we've worn through to the neighbors ceiling, and we'll be sitting on the floor for months before I can get a new couch. Sunny and I will share our food and I will continue to hike and ride and spend all of my free time playing in the snow and marveling at the mountains, wondering where I went wrong, or if I really did.