Things I'm Not Good At & What I Need
Things I am not good at:
Forgetting old hurts. Knowing that "stopping" is not the same as "giving up." Keeping track of my keys. Delegating. Compromising. Negotiating. Thinking rationally when my heart is involved. Routine. Letting go of the people we never were. Letting go of being right if it means I'll be happy.
Math.
Guys, I am really terrible at math, and I have this job running this merch company and as part of my job I have to do lots of math. I spend a lot of time worrying about math, avoiding it, doing it wrong, and double-checking it and having to start all over. Repeat, ad nauseam.
I was doing the sales numbers right around Christmas and when I added everything up, it turned out we'd done SIX MILLION DOLLARS in sales that month. It took me almost an hour to figure out where there were numbers with too many zeros multiplied by other numbers with incorrect decimal points.
I always over-tip because then I don't have to do the math in my head. Yes, I know you just double the tax. Yes, I know you move one decimal point and then double it. No, knowing those things still doesn't help me avoid accidentally stiffing the waiter because I transposed two of the numbers by accident. I'll just leave a ten, okay?
I am at the top of the curve when it comes to "creative problem solving" and I am at the bottom when it comes to "adding the same numbers and getting the same answer twice in a row."
I am reading a book that is really obnoxious and terrible in places but is also really inspired in other places, and one of the concepts in it really hit home.
Having someone else do the parts of your job that you're not good at isn't called "failure;" it's called "outsourcing."
Where is the logic in my spending six hours mangling sales numbers into some sort of order when someone who is actually good at math could do it better in less than two? So someone else could spend two hours of their time doing something they're good at while I spend six hours of my time doing something I'm good at and WE ALL WIN?
I don't make New Year's resolutions, and I've missed the boat by quite a bit already, but here's my "Life is About To Get Awesome" resolution:
I'm going to find people to do the things I'm not good at so I can focus my time and energy on the ones I do well.
I posted on Twitter about looking for a Post-War Trade intern, and also about being bad at math, and it really surprised me how many people offered to help. It turns out that not only are there people who are good at math, there are some who actually ENJOY doing it and like to use that power to help indie merch companies!
That's a fucking revelation.
So it occurs to me, let's cast the net a little further.
I need help with some things I am not good at. I need someone (or a variety of someones) to:
- Sort and organize seven years' worth of images I've taken, most of which are on a hard drive in folders with precise descriptive names like "Canon 104," "That Thing" or "July." Many of the images are duplicated in different sizes in several different folders. In my ideal world, duplicates would be deleted and all the photos would be organized by TYPE (people, landscapes, random snapshots, naked photos) and then by SPECIFIC SUBJECT (Hannah, that old graveyard, makeshift memorials on the side of the highway, nipples.)
- Email galleries, art spaces and coffee shops to persuade them to hang my work.
- Call people who haven't paid me to say "Give Her The Money." (tm @neilhimself)
- Help me identify and prioritize tasks that I have to do personally.
- Balance my checkbook or, if that's too outdated a phrase, create a very simple chart for me with bright colors and other visual cues that shows me where my money is going and how it can be better managed.
- Proofread and critique the chapters of the book I've been (very slowly) writing for several years.
- Create schedules for photo/film shoot days, coordinating talent (aka any friends I can draft into it) and crew (ditto).
- Make sure I'm on time for my own shoots, meetings and parties.
- Keep running list of ART THINGS I'M DOING sortable by type (photography, writing, mixed media, film, yenta-ing) and by stage of completion.
- In-person tasks like errands, art-supply organization, and finding that pen I know I had just a second ago, although this part is probably the least of all of it since I can always buy more pens.
- Compile organized lists from completely disjointed emails, then handle as many list items as possible. So if I wrote an email that said:
"I still need to call those people about that check that I lost when I was out with Mercy--- that reminds me, Mercy has a show tomorrow or... sometime this week at least, and I am going to go and when I do, I need to remember to bring that book I said I'd loan her. Also, the dryer on the far left smells like burnt hair again, I know because my shirt smells like burnt hair and I'm going to have to change in a minute because it's driving me nuts, but the best option is for me to remember not to use that dryer. Yeah, fuck that dryer. And there was something else I meant to tell you but I can't remember what it was. I'm sure I'll remember as soon as I send this email. Oh, right, the invoice I owe Sarah, that needs to go out. That wasn't the thing I was trying to remember but it's A thing, you know?"
... my excellent thought-organizer would turn it into this:
- Mercy's show is on THURSDAY at 8.
- The book you are loaning to her is "When She Was Bad," which is the one about female serial killers. I will text you on Thursday at 6 to remind you to take it with you.
- I created the invoice for $X.XX for the gig you did for Sarah and sent it to her. It's already been paid into your account.
- I called XZY company and told them that the check for $X.XX never arrived. They're reissuing it. I'll ask you about it in a week to make sure you've received it. If not I will follow up with them.
- Put a post-it on your laundry card that says "FAR LEFT DRYER SMELLS LIKE CANNIBALISM" so you don't ever use it. Do this RIGHT NOW before you forget.
- Perhaps the thing you were trying to remember was that it's Valentine's day on Tuesday. Do you want me to remind you to pick up a new video game for Kayla? Ultimate Space Battle II just came out and the reviews are particularly good. There is a copy at the Gamestop on 14th Street if you'd like to pick it up.
- Call your mother.
That last one is probably the most important.
That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there are a lot more things I'm forgetting.
Anyone who would be helping me in my work and life and art would have to be warm, calm and exceedingly patient. I'm one of those "sensitive artists" who is 89% chaos, and I frequently need an anchor in the whirlwind of my own making. I love people who know when to speak slowly and when to join in the tempest; it's an art form in itself, reading people and responding with the energy they need. I'm also one of those absentminded professor types who loses pens, keys, checks and other things that make life go because I'm miles away, deconstructing something that happened last week in today's context. And I'm stubborn. Really, really stubborn.
I also know when to ask for help. It's time.
The way I am working and living now is not sustainable; I have spent too many years running myself into the ground. I always thought if I worked hard enough and long enough, I'd be rewarded. Rewarded with what? Money, success, leisure--- retirement?
Fuck that, the only reward that's coming IS the life I've been putting off until tomorrow, and it's time to stop doing math and start making more art.
Looking over the list of Things That Need Doing I've written above I realize that anyone capable of doing it all well would deserve a six-figure salary.
Anyone who could do it for more than a month would qualify for sainthood...
... but three years ago I did something kind of similar for someone, because she needed help and I liked to help and even though it didn't pay it was worth it because I wanted to learn what she could teach me.
So who out there wants to learn what I can teach?
I'm an artist, an innovator, a problem-solver and a businesswoman (who is bad at math). I create images and I write stories that are mostly true and I read tarot cards. I know more about the economics of vinyl records than I ever thought I would, considering I don't have a record player and couldn't identify a song by the White Stripes if my life depended on it. I am the world's best cheerleader and sounding board for everyone else's projects, and I still really, truly love to help.
The role that needs to be filled in my life is less internship and more apprenticeship. I am good at what I do and I will teach you everything I know, but I need you to remind me about the dryer on the left because what you worried about when you were a kid is reality; every new thing you learn DOES push an old thing out of your brain.
Three years ago, I was the apprentice. I was organized, I reminded someone else about her appointments and made spreadsheets and did many things I have a hard time conceiving of now. I actually frequently wondered why she'd ask me to email people for her, when it was just as much time to write to me to tell me to do it as it would be to write directly to them. I couldn't fathom why she wanted things compiled in an email instead of a document; I sent you the document, it's the same information, so what's the point of my pasting it into an email and sending it to you again?
I understand now: as I started to juggle more and more information and responsibilities, having the time and energy to get into the headspace to write the polite, well-phrased email became a harder task. Now if someone sends me information in an email, I have it in front of me and will happen upon it again if I get distracted; if I download a document, I may or may not ever remember to open it. That extra step ends up derailing me.
I am tired of being derailed. I am tired of struggling with numbers that jump around on the page, I am tired of forgetting the book I meant to lend, and I am tired of all my clothes smelling like I just char-grilled my neighbors.
I need help, and I've been waiting around for the universe to just... send it. The universe gives us what we need, right? That's why I've always got just enough money to pay the rent and just enough time to catch that train. Not a lot of wiggle room, but things always work out because some force out there is looking out for drunks, babies and me.
Sometimes even the universe needs specific instructions. I have to believe there's someone out there who'll read this and think, "I'm perfect for that and I want that."
Stranger things have happened.
Love,
Beth
Forgetting old hurts. Knowing that "stopping" is not the same as "giving up." Keeping track of my keys. Delegating. Compromising. Negotiating. Thinking rationally when my heart is involved. Routine. Letting go of the people we never were. Letting go of being right if it means I'll be happy.
Math.
Guys, I am really terrible at math, and I have this job running this merch company and as part of my job I have to do lots of math. I spend a lot of time worrying about math, avoiding it, doing it wrong, and double-checking it and having to start all over. Repeat, ad nauseam.
I was doing the sales numbers right around Christmas and when I added everything up, it turned out we'd done SIX MILLION DOLLARS in sales that month. It took me almost an hour to figure out where there were numbers with too many zeros multiplied by other numbers with incorrect decimal points.
I always over-tip because then I don't have to do the math in my head. Yes, I know you just double the tax. Yes, I know you move one decimal point and then double it. No, knowing those things still doesn't help me avoid accidentally stiffing the waiter because I transposed two of the numbers by accident. I'll just leave a ten, okay?
I am at the top of the curve when it comes to "creative problem solving" and I am at the bottom when it comes to "adding the same numbers and getting the same answer twice in a row."
I am reading a book that is really obnoxious and terrible in places but is also really inspired in other places, and one of the concepts in it really hit home.
Having someone else do the parts of your job that you're not good at isn't called "failure;" it's called "outsourcing."
Where is the logic in my spending six hours mangling sales numbers into some sort of order when someone who is actually good at math could do it better in less than two? So someone else could spend two hours of their time doing something they're good at while I spend six hours of my time doing something I'm good at and WE ALL WIN?
I don't make New Year's resolutions, and I've missed the boat by quite a bit already, but here's my "Life is About To Get Awesome" resolution:
I'm going to find people to do the things I'm not good at so I can focus my time and energy on the ones I do well.
I posted on Twitter about looking for a Post-War Trade intern, and also about being bad at math, and it really surprised me how many people offered to help. It turns out that not only are there people who are good at math, there are some who actually ENJOY doing it and like to use that power to help indie merch companies!
That's a fucking revelation.
So it occurs to me, let's cast the net a little further.
I need help with some things I am not good at. I need someone (or a variety of someones) to:
- Sort and organize seven years' worth of images I've taken, most of which are on a hard drive in folders with precise descriptive names like "Canon 104," "That Thing" or "July." Many of the images are duplicated in different sizes in several different folders. In my ideal world, duplicates would be deleted and all the photos would be organized by TYPE (people, landscapes, random snapshots, naked photos) and then by SPECIFIC SUBJECT (Hannah, that old graveyard, makeshift memorials on the side of the highway, nipples.)
- Email galleries, art spaces and coffee shops to persuade them to hang my work.
- Call people who haven't paid me to say "Give Her The Money." (tm @neilhimself)
- Help me identify and prioritize tasks that I have to do personally.
- Balance my checkbook or, if that's too outdated a phrase, create a very simple chart for me with bright colors and other visual cues that shows me where my money is going and how it can be better managed.
- Proofread and critique the chapters of the book I've been (very slowly) writing for several years.
- Create schedules for photo/film shoot days, coordinating talent (aka any friends I can draft into it) and crew (ditto).
- Make sure I'm on time for my own shoots, meetings and parties.
- Keep running list of ART THINGS I'M DOING sortable by type (photography, writing, mixed media, film, yenta-ing) and by stage of completion.
- In-person tasks like errands, art-supply organization, and finding that pen I know I had just a second ago, although this part is probably the least of all of it since I can always buy more pens.
- Compile organized lists from completely disjointed emails, then handle as many list items as possible. So if I wrote an email that said:
"I still need to call those people about that check that I lost when I was out with Mercy--- that reminds me, Mercy has a show tomorrow or... sometime this week at least, and I am going to go and when I do, I need to remember to bring that book I said I'd loan her. Also, the dryer on the far left smells like burnt hair again, I know because my shirt smells like burnt hair and I'm going to have to change in a minute because it's driving me nuts, but the best option is for me to remember not to use that dryer. Yeah, fuck that dryer. And there was something else I meant to tell you but I can't remember what it was. I'm sure I'll remember as soon as I send this email. Oh, right, the invoice I owe Sarah, that needs to go out. That wasn't the thing I was trying to remember but it's A thing, you know?"
... my excellent thought-organizer would turn it into this:
- Mercy's show is on THURSDAY at 8.
- The book you are loaning to her is "When She Was Bad," which is the one about female serial killers. I will text you on Thursday at 6 to remind you to take it with you.
- I created the invoice for $X.XX for the gig you did for Sarah and sent it to her. It's already been paid into your account.
- I called XZY company and told them that the check for $X.XX never arrived. They're reissuing it. I'll ask you about it in a week to make sure you've received it. If not I will follow up with them.
- Put a post-it on your laundry card that says "FAR LEFT DRYER SMELLS LIKE CANNIBALISM" so you don't ever use it. Do this RIGHT NOW before you forget.
- Perhaps the thing you were trying to remember was that it's Valentine's day on Tuesday. Do you want me to remind you to pick up a new video game for Kayla? Ultimate Space Battle II just came out and the reviews are particularly good. There is a copy at the Gamestop on 14th Street if you'd like to pick it up.
- Call your mother.
That last one is probably the most important.
That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there are a lot more things I'm forgetting.
Anyone who would be helping me in my work and life and art would have to be warm, calm and exceedingly patient. I'm one of those "sensitive artists" who is 89% chaos, and I frequently need an anchor in the whirlwind of my own making. I love people who know when to speak slowly and when to join in the tempest; it's an art form in itself, reading people and responding with the energy they need. I'm also one of those absentminded professor types who loses pens, keys, checks and other things that make life go because I'm miles away, deconstructing something that happened last week in today's context. And I'm stubborn. Really, really stubborn.
I also know when to ask for help. It's time.
The way I am working and living now is not sustainable; I have spent too many years running myself into the ground. I always thought if I worked hard enough and long enough, I'd be rewarded. Rewarded with what? Money, success, leisure--- retirement?
Fuck that, the only reward that's coming IS the life I've been putting off until tomorrow, and it's time to stop doing math and start making more art.
Looking over the list of Things That Need Doing I've written above I realize that anyone capable of doing it all well would deserve a six-figure salary.
Anyone who could do it for more than a month would qualify for sainthood...
... but three years ago I did something kind of similar for someone, because she needed help and I liked to help and even though it didn't pay it was worth it because I wanted to learn what she could teach me.
So who out there wants to learn what I can teach?
I'm an artist, an innovator, a problem-solver and a businesswoman (who is bad at math). I create images and I write stories that are mostly true and I read tarot cards. I know more about the economics of vinyl records than I ever thought I would, considering I don't have a record player and couldn't identify a song by the White Stripes if my life depended on it. I am the world's best cheerleader and sounding board for everyone else's projects, and I still really, truly love to help.
The role that needs to be filled in my life is less internship and more apprenticeship. I am good at what I do and I will teach you everything I know, but I need you to remind me about the dryer on the left because what you worried about when you were a kid is reality; every new thing you learn DOES push an old thing out of your brain.
Three years ago, I was the apprentice. I was organized, I reminded someone else about her appointments and made spreadsheets and did many things I have a hard time conceiving of now. I actually frequently wondered why she'd ask me to email people for her, when it was just as much time to write to me to tell me to do it as it would be to write directly to them. I couldn't fathom why she wanted things compiled in an email instead of a document; I sent you the document, it's the same information, so what's the point of my pasting it into an email and sending it to you again?
I understand now: as I started to juggle more and more information and responsibilities, having the time and energy to get into the headspace to write the polite, well-phrased email became a harder task. Now if someone sends me information in an email, I have it in front of me and will happen upon it again if I get distracted; if I download a document, I may or may not ever remember to open it. That extra step ends up derailing me.
I am tired of being derailed. I am tired of struggling with numbers that jump around on the page, I am tired of forgetting the book I meant to lend, and I am tired of all my clothes smelling like I just char-grilled my neighbors.
I need help, and I've been waiting around for the universe to just... send it. The universe gives us what we need, right? That's why I've always got just enough money to pay the rent and just enough time to catch that train. Not a lot of wiggle room, but things always work out because some force out there is looking out for drunks, babies and me.
Sometimes even the universe needs specific instructions. I have to believe there's someone out there who'll read this and think, "I'm perfect for that and I want that."
Stranger things have happened.
Love,
Beth