For Barbara

[bethofalltrades]

It is hard to sum up a person with something as limited as words. If only I could give you a feeling, hand it to you across the table and say, "This. This is what she was like," and you would nod your head and understand.

On Thursday, a woman died.

Comments

Part 2 of previous post.

[anonymous]

The other person I just mentioned, Laura, was a safe haven in a turbulent and stormy childhood. Both of my parents were... not so well prepared or knowledgeable... when it came to raising a child and from comments made by others as I grew it was obvious. I was once told by the family physician that she clearly saw that "I was raising my parents" (Also when I turned out to have severe depression in high school this same physician told me "Oh don't worry 3 more years is nothing, then you can move far far away from your parents".) When I went to Laura's house I knew I was safe - I would not be blamed, I would not have to fear for my safety or my mothers from her psycho husband who liked to shoot off his shot gun in the front yard when he was angry at my mother, I would not be yelled at (my mother literally screamed at me for dropping my hat once), back handed, told I was bad or wrong or too ugly or too fat. I knew that I could simply climb up on the couch and curl up watching cartoons and not worry about anything. I could be you know, a fucking 8 year old. I remember I wanted to call her mom at one point but refrained for fear of my actual mothers reaction. Laura the one who I knew was calm, kind, loving, understanding and sensitive when the rest of my world angry, loud, hurtful, abusive and painful. When I knew that my 'family' was not the ones I could turn to, as they commonly weren't, I went to her. Days at her house were met with the utmost joy as it seemed like a shield against all the bad things in my life. She was always calm, understanding and encouraging of me. She inspired me to create by giving me a book which she co-authored for my 6th birthday. Over 2 dozen moves later that book is one of the only things I still own from my childhood. It is my most prized possession.

Laura moved away when I was around 9 or 10 to PA. I never saw her again as she died from cancer two years later. I never got to say goodbye, I've never been to her gravesite, I am in fact crying as I write this because I love and miss her so much. Every so often I wear a bandana around my neck just as Laura did in remembrance of her, in her honor. It was one of the things I did as a child to try to emulate her.

I wonder some days if Zeb was Laura's answer to my question of "I wonder if she'd be proud of me now." -- I think it is.

~Aer