(no subject)
Wow, LJ.
Ugh. Things are not good. I feel most like writing when I feel awful (which is kind of all the time), but I don't know that this is a good venue for that. Or if there's a good venue for that at all, anywhere. There are a few dimensions to my feeling so badly. Some of them, I can try to do something about (apply for jobs, I guess), and some that i can't do anything about. Or at least I don't think I can.
For the past year, I've lived in a nice neighborhood. A town. I had never lived in a "town" before. I often, including now, think that maybe I should take a walk. It's getting light, and there are so many pretty flowering trees and bushes on the streets. I like it. But I also kind of don't want to see nice things, when I feel like this. They mock me, in their way. I also feel that being up and out is for the working people, and I am not one of them.
I need to take care of a couple things online, including applying for a few jobs (to no avail, probably), Then I guess I can go to bed and think about how i feel like such a colossal failure (professionally, socially, romantically, anything-ally) before I fall asleep for 16 or so hours.
Ugh. Things are not good. I feel most like writing when I feel awful (which is kind of all the time), but I don't know that this is a good venue for that. Or if there's a good venue for that at all, anywhere. There are a few dimensions to my feeling so badly. Some of them, I can try to do something about (apply for jobs, I guess), and some that i can't do anything about. Or at least I don't think I can.
For the past year, I've lived in a nice neighborhood. A town. I had never lived in a "town" before. I often, including now, think that maybe I should take a walk. It's getting light, and there are so many pretty flowering trees and bushes on the streets. I like it. But I also kind of don't want to see nice things, when I feel like this. They mock me, in their way. I also feel that being up and out is for the working people, and I am not one of them.
I need to take care of a couple things online, including applying for a few jobs (to no avail, probably), Then I guess I can go to bed and think about how i feel like such a colossal failure (professionally, socially, romantically, anything-ally) before I fall asleep for 16 or so hours.