(no subject)
how is it that i feel all the love in the world, yet i still feel like something's wrong, like i don't deserve to be this happy? all my life, everything i've done always seemed to go unappreciated, and the love i wanted, never seemed like it existed, and now i have something, someone that gives me that, but i can't leave the idea of i don't deserve it alone. like i'm not enough to make any one person happy. all the shit that happened in the past is running a rat race over my thoughts, and i wish i could just have a moment of clarity. i know i'm insecure, maybe because i've never been enough for anyone to make them fully happy. i dunno. i'm tired of finding more females added to his buddy list, yet i'm the one who gets ragged on about finding someone else.
if i go anywhere, it's the store, work or to the bus. i don't go out with anyone, not even jenn and brandon. i drive by myself to the store. the only people i talk to at work are the bosses, to get my assignment. that's about it. i alienate myself from humanity, so i don't have to deal with bull-shit and drama. i gave my word, didn't i? i'm holding onto it. i'm not a liar, i'm not a "dirty nigga", i'm real. no bull-shit. never that. i've had enough of that.... i love you so much, i don't know how else to show you that you're it...sometimes i really think you just don't have any idea how much i love you. you make me laugh, you make me smile, in more ways than one, you make me feel safe, i'm open and very comfortable with you. you read me like the open book i am, at least i'm an open book to you....i wish you could spend 5 minutes walking around in my head, maybe you'd understand how i think a little better. i'm just as insecure as you. doesn't make me less of a mess, u know? sometimes, i think it's easier for me to talk to you in words, only because you can't run away from words, they're permanent...
if i go anywhere, it's the store, work or to the bus. i don't go out with anyone, not even jenn and brandon. i drive by myself to the store. the only people i talk to at work are the bosses, to get my assignment. that's about it. i alienate myself from humanity, so i don't have to deal with bull-shit and drama. i gave my word, didn't i? i'm holding onto it. i'm not a liar, i'm not a "dirty nigga", i'm real. no bull-shit. never that. i've had enough of that.... i love you so much, i don't know how else to show you that you're it...sometimes i really think you just don't have any idea how much i love you. you make me laugh, you make me smile, in more ways than one, you make me feel safe, i'm open and very comfortable with you. you read me like the open book i am, at least i'm an open book to you....i wish you could spend 5 minutes walking around in my head, maybe you'd understand how i think a little better. i'm just as insecure as you. doesn't make me less of a mess, u know? sometimes, i think it's easier for me to talk to you in words, only because you can't run away from words, they're permanent...