(no subject)
I think I just figured out why I haven't gone home for more than a night or a day at most in the last few months. This is due to the fact that apparently all I can manage to do while there is dissappoint someone. I am very tired of having everyone angry at me.
My dad didn't seem to mind that due to the storm I decided to stay at home today (as I had a chiropractor appointment last night and was too tired to go back last night). I fully intend to pick up my room and such. Then we figured out that next semester all I owe is $152.50 for everything. (Plus the text books that I already bought ( like 300 can you say ouch) but Daddy can be reimbursed for that I guess if I buy them through the school which I did.)
Anyways, we figured out how much I owed and Daddy is gonna write a check and just withdraw the money from my savings account. I think that I need to open a checking account. But we will see what next year holds. So everything was going ok... Daddy hadn't gotten mad at me once. And I had been home for 12 hours already. That's when he decides he wants to take my cell phone to work cause we are trading his phone and Kyle's phone in cause they don't work correctly. That's when shit went wrong. Evidently when I went to bring Andy home last night I dropped my cell phone or when I was bringing my junk in from the car cause will anyone help even though I am carrying like 5 bags... that would be a negative... and therefore my cellphone spent the night out on the driveway. And it got fucking cold out there. So now my display screen looks all cracked. I hope to God that it isn't and that once it warms up it doesn't look fractured anymore.
If it does still and doesn't work looks like I will be without a cell phone. Its ok though cause I should only use it for emergencies but I end up using it for convience instead. I should really work on that.
So now Daddy is mad at me. He didn't yell like he usually does. Now don't get me wrong I love my Daddy alot. But he tends to let little things bug him... like my messy room sighs. And the boys have him so constantly annoyed that the one thing I do seems to always set him off and where he should be like lecturing me to take better care of expensive things he ends up just yelling about how I am an ungrateful wretch and how he wishes he had never had children. At least he has stopped saying how he would be better off dead. He pulled that last summer and I think I ended up crying for over an hour before we finally were able to talk. NEVER USE THE THREAT OF SUICIDE AS A PUNISHMENT!!! I don't think he would actually do it but he is my Daddy and I can't lose him you know.
My mum has been really depressed lately. My brother and our family Dr. are worried about her. She has a chemical imbalance and Kyle thinks she might be having suicidal thoughts. Daddy says she seems to be going out of her way to get fired. Which would be very bad. Both of thoes things would be very bad. I would rather have her unemployed than dead though. I guess I don't get how my mum works. She seems to be mad at me alot. Like for instance she is mad right now because I choose to go to John's house during the weekends. I get work done when I am there, and nobody yells at me. I feel truly accepted there and I go to sleep at night not worried that I am going to piss someone off and not know that I am doing it.
I think things will be better once I am living in Canada. Of course I could be wrong. So many things go wrong now. Sometimes I am half afraid that one day out of the blue John is gonna announce that I am too much of a headcase for him and call us quits. I don't think anything can hurt as much as losing his love. I think right now he is the only one who isn't being totally judgmental all the time.(This is in no way a slam to any of my friends. I just mean in my family/social life)
Perhaps I have a depression problem as well. Sighs and things had been going so well lately. I think I have gotten an A in every class if not then a very very high b.
sighs ok going to work on my room. At least that will make him happy. Keep your fingers crossed for my phone.
My dad didn't seem to mind that due to the storm I decided to stay at home today (as I had a chiropractor appointment last night and was too tired to go back last night). I fully intend to pick up my room and such. Then we figured out that next semester all I owe is $152.50 for everything. (Plus the text books that I already bought ( like 300 can you say ouch) but Daddy can be reimbursed for that I guess if I buy them through the school which I did.)
Anyways, we figured out how much I owed and Daddy is gonna write a check and just withdraw the money from my savings account. I think that I need to open a checking account. But we will see what next year holds. So everything was going ok... Daddy hadn't gotten mad at me once. And I had been home for 12 hours already. That's when he decides he wants to take my cell phone to work cause we are trading his phone and Kyle's phone in cause they don't work correctly. That's when shit went wrong. Evidently when I went to bring Andy home last night I dropped my cell phone or when I was bringing my junk in from the car cause will anyone help even though I am carrying like 5 bags... that would be a negative... and therefore my cellphone spent the night out on the driveway. And it got fucking cold out there. So now my display screen looks all cracked. I hope to God that it isn't and that once it warms up it doesn't look fractured anymore.
If it does still and doesn't work looks like I will be without a cell phone. Its ok though cause I should only use it for emergencies but I end up using it for convience instead. I should really work on that.
So now Daddy is mad at me. He didn't yell like he usually does. Now don't get me wrong I love my Daddy alot. But he tends to let little things bug him... like my messy room sighs. And the boys have him so constantly annoyed that the one thing I do seems to always set him off and where he should be like lecturing me to take better care of expensive things he ends up just yelling about how I am an ungrateful wretch and how he wishes he had never had children. At least he has stopped saying how he would be better off dead. He pulled that last summer and I think I ended up crying for over an hour before we finally were able to talk. NEVER USE THE THREAT OF SUICIDE AS A PUNISHMENT!!! I don't think he would actually do it but he is my Daddy and I can't lose him you know.
My mum has been really depressed lately. My brother and our family Dr. are worried about her. She has a chemical imbalance and Kyle thinks she might be having suicidal thoughts. Daddy says she seems to be going out of her way to get fired. Which would be very bad. Both of thoes things would be very bad. I would rather have her unemployed than dead though. I guess I don't get how my mum works. She seems to be mad at me alot. Like for instance she is mad right now because I choose to go to John's house during the weekends. I get work done when I am there, and nobody yells at me. I feel truly accepted there and I go to sleep at night not worried that I am going to piss someone off and not know that I am doing it.
I think things will be better once I am living in Canada. Of course I could be wrong. So many things go wrong now. Sometimes I am half afraid that one day out of the blue John is gonna announce that I am too much of a headcase for him and call us quits. I don't think anything can hurt as much as losing his love. I think right now he is the only one who isn't being totally judgmental all the time.(This is in no way a slam to any of my friends. I just mean in my family/social life)
Perhaps I have a depression problem as well. Sighs and things had been going so well lately. I think I have gotten an A in every class if not then a very very high b.
sighs ok going to work on my room. At least that will make him happy. Keep your fingers crossed for my phone.