(no subject)
I thought I'd take advantage of this glorious day, where I don't technically have ANY class, to update this journal. I really thought I'd be better about this, but it's been a month since I last posted and I don't feel guilty. Na na na na na.
I had a really interesting (AIM) conversation last night about change. Now, normally, I hate change. Change and I don't mesh. I avoid it. I eschew it. I run away shrieking when it gets close. This is, by the way, totally the fault of change itself - it's not at all that I'm weird. Really! But last night I was talking with a friend from high school about our 50th high school reunion, and he made it sound really fun. Not that we were looking forward to the event, per se, but the idea of living that long. Being able to look back over our lives, and know that we had done all sorts of things. In essence, we were looking forward to changing. Weird. And then I got all paranoid, and started thinking about all the horrible things that will happen by then. I'll have to handle the death of my parents, maybe even the death of my sister. I'll have to not only have a job, but (in today's economy) hop from job to job, with no sense of security. I'll probably have my heart broken hundreds of times in those 50 years. I'll have to deal with my own body getting older, (more) unattractive, falling apart even. All of this is just me personally - the world will probably have blown itself up by then anyway. And yeah - there could be good things, too, but most of them are a lot more chancy and ethereal. I might "really accomplish something" or "be happy," but there's no guarantee, and what do those things mean, anyway? Basically, the future is gonna suck, a lot of the time. So much pain. But then, I got to thinking again. There's been a lot of crappiness in the present, too. And I pretty much handled it ok. I'm still alive, I'm still sane, I'm still whole. How much worse could it possibly get?
And then we reincarnated Floora, goddess of floors.
So, yeah. I'm back in college. Shoulder to the wheel, nose to grindstone, and the one light in my life is the little orange one on the side of the coffeemaker. But it feels good to be here. Maybe it's just that we're out of the sweltering bit of September, and into the crisp bit. I like the crisp bit better. Like granny smith apples. Or...saltine crackers, except that analogy is a lot less appealing. We'll stick with the apples one. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples, for I am sick of love.
So, really, the only big news is that I finally found people to go to church with. Other than that, things are a lot like last year. Except more so, since most of my friends are here, living in my building. Thus, making it sort of like last year squared. Twice the drama, four times the ammount of video games I get to watch people play!
Did I mention I don't have any class today? Yeah. Just thought I'd repeat for emphasis. :P
Current Irrational Desire: snowball fight!
I had a really interesting (AIM) conversation last night about change. Now, normally, I hate change. Change and I don't mesh. I avoid it. I eschew it. I run away shrieking when it gets close. This is, by the way, totally the fault of change itself - it's not at all that I'm weird. Really! But last night I was talking with a friend from high school about our 50th high school reunion, and he made it sound really fun. Not that we were looking forward to the event, per se, but the idea of living that long. Being able to look back over our lives, and know that we had done all sorts of things. In essence, we were looking forward to changing. Weird. And then I got all paranoid, and started thinking about all the horrible things that will happen by then. I'll have to handle the death of my parents, maybe even the death of my sister. I'll have to not only have a job, but (in today's economy) hop from job to job, with no sense of security. I'll probably have my heart broken hundreds of times in those 50 years. I'll have to deal with my own body getting older, (more) unattractive, falling apart even. All of this is just me personally - the world will probably have blown itself up by then anyway. And yeah - there could be good things, too, but most of them are a lot more chancy and ethereal. I might "really accomplish something" or "be happy," but there's no guarantee, and what do those things mean, anyway? Basically, the future is gonna suck, a lot of the time. So much pain. But then, I got to thinking again. There's been a lot of crappiness in the present, too. And I pretty much handled it ok. I'm still alive, I'm still sane, I'm still whole. How much worse could it possibly get?
And then we reincarnated Floora, goddess of floors.
So, yeah. I'm back in college. Shoulder to the wheel, nose to grindstone, and the one light in my life is the little orange one on the side of the coffeemaker. But it feels good to be here. Maybe it's just that we're out of the sweltering bit of September, and into the crisp bit. I like the crisp bit better. Like granny smith apples. Or...saltine crackers, except that analogy is a lot less appealing. We'll stick with the apples one. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples, for I am sick of love.
So, really, the only big news is that I finally found people to go to church with. Other than that, things are a lot like last year. Except more so, since most of my friends are here, living in my building. Thus, making it sort of like last year squared. Twice the drama, four times the ammount of video games I get to watch people play!
Did I mention I don't have any class today? Yeah. Just thought I'd repeat for emphasis. :P
Current Irrational Desire: snowball fight!