Na na na na NaNoWriMo
Day 1. Oooof. I told Hiedi I'd post my stuff online as well, so here it is.
My prediction: I will be a zombie by late next week.
Tell Me a Joke
by Shawn Vandre
“Tell me a joke.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“What kind of joke?”
“Whatever strikes your fancy at the moment,” Autumn said dismissively. She curled up on the floor and rested her head on Oliver’s lap. Her light brown hair fell through the gaps between his legs. She nuzzled her head into his right knee as if it were a teddy bear. Oliver’s arms instinctively wrapped around the back of her head and scratched her neck. She gave a short sigh of comfort, though the look on her face was frozen with worry.
“Knock knock,” Oliver tried, eliciting nothing more than a groan from the vulnerable Autumn.
“I don’t want to hear a stupid joke,” she complained. “If I wanted that, I could ask my brother. Tell me a funny one.” Her hand found his, and she started kissing it. She held onto it like the comfort blanket to the bed of his lap.
“I don’t have funny jokes,” he said, casually sliding his fingers through her hair. “Only punny ones.”
“Come on, you’ve got to have some.”
“Um.”
“I could ask your dad,” she said, smiling quietly. “He always has a joke.”
“Do you want to hear one of my dad’s jokes?” he asked as gently as he stroked her hair.
“Umm...” Autumn smiled a little wider and kissed the back of Oliver’s hand. She let his arm go and continued to snuggle with his knee, as though the gentleness of his words brought her even greater comfort. “Sure.”
“So a priest, a rabbi, and a minister are all on a boat.” Oliver paused. Autumn tilted her head up to look at him.
“Yeah?”
“Have you heard this one?”
Autumn broke into a sweet chuckle. She turned her attention back to Oliver’s knee.
“I don’t know, hon. You have to actually tell it first.”
“Okay,” he began again. “So they’re all in this boat.”
“Who is?”
“I just told you!” he said, smiling widely. She chuckled to herself. She paused in an effort to determine the best way to explain herself.
“I forgot. Already.” That would have to do for now. Oliver sighed, smiling enough to bare his front teeth.
“A priest, a rabbi, and a minister.” He paused, expecting an interruption from his audience. She said nothing. He continued. “They’re all in a boat.”
“You said that,” she said tauntingly.
“You probably forgot it by now.”
“Shut up. Get on with it.”
“I am.”
“Good.”
“Three guys, all in a boat.”
“Yes.”
“The priest says he’s getting hungry, so he stands up, walks on water, goes to the snack bar, walks back, and gets in the boat.”
“...Okay.”
“The minister says the same thing, he’s getting hungry. So he stands up and does the same thing. Walks on water, gets a snack, walks back, and sits down.”
“Creepy.”
“I know. I’m not done.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. So, the rabbi’s just sitting there, like ‘What the hell just happened?’”
“Yeah...?”
“Well, he figures it’s safe. So he says he’s getting hungry too. He stands up, walks off the boat, and falls through the water. The minister turns to the priest and says, ‘I guess he missed the stepping stones.’”
Autumn began laughing with a short “tsss” noise, followed by several gentle laughs, as though she were trying to keep quiet during a lecture.
“That’s a good one,” she said. He resumed stroking her hair, having momentarily abandoned his task in favor of slight storytelling gestures. He chuckled at her response.
“I can’t believe you’ve never heard that one before.”
“What can I say? My family’s never been too big on jokes.”
“Except knock-knock jokes.”
“Yeah, but no stories like that.”
“It’s not a very good one,” he said, looking away in modesty.
“You just think that ‘cause you’ve heard it so much.” She looked up at him just as he was looking down at her. They locked glances for a few seconds. Their hands forgot their gentle touches as Autumn and Oliver focused solely on each other’s expression. Perhaps it was Oliver that smiled first. Perhaps it was Autumn.
Perhaps it didn’t matter. They were smiling, and that was that.
Chapter 1.
The cold wind blew through Autumn’s lengthy hair. She pulled her arms tightly into the front pocket of her red sweatshirt, trying desperately to keep herself warm. It wasn’t very cold that night, by autumn’s standard, but the temperature had dropped very quickly in the past few weeks. She leaned up against her car as if she were trying to sit. The car, a light blue hybrid affair, leaned slightly to one side as she rested. The small, occasionally blinking red light inside the driver side window taunted Autumn. It reflected off a metal hook on the purse hanging from her arm. It was her constant reminder that no one could break into this car without dire consequences.
Great idea, but why tonight?
She could see her breath hanging faintly in the air. She stood up from her car and danced in place, hoping to keep herself warm. It worked, sort of. She couldn’t help but shake the feeling that every passing driver was staring at her. Surely she looked suspicious, out there in the parking lot, all by herself. And so late at night, she thought. The mall closed almost an hour ago. And she stood by a single car. She consciously tried to make herself look as innocent as possible. She saw a car passing down the street along the lot. She acted very determined as she pulled her arms out from her pocket and forcefully opened her purse. She dug through the random items for a few seconds, then looked up at the sky, closed the purse, and with a sigh, resumed her earlier position. With the performance complete, it was safe for her to check her audience. They had driven right past her. Good.
She pulled her phone out of the front pocket of her jeans. With a quick flip and a few button presses, her phone told her Oliver had received her call fifty-seven minutes ago. She slammed the phone shut. “I would have been better off pushing it home,” she said to nobody. She realized after speaking that her handbrake was on, and her sarcastic comment made no sense. Oh well. At least nobody heard it.
Every passing car looked like his. Every time one of them came to the intersection, she tried in vain to look past its headlights and get a glimpse at the driver inside. She could never see them, but even if she had, they would have been of no interest to her. Only one motorist had even noticed her presence, but he quickly turned his head after seeing her. Makes sense, she thought. Who goes out to the mall an hour after it closes?
She shut her eyes for five or ten seconds and tried to reflect on her situation. The world didn’t give her much time, thanks to that old adage about watched pots. A grey sedan whipped through the parking lot as though it were on a quest. Autumn’s eyes popped open to the sound of its squealing tires. She flipped her phone open again. Sixty-one minutes. He’d better have a damn good excuse, she thought. The sedan pulled up to the spot right next to Autumn. The engine stopped, the door opened, and out emerged Oliver, triumphantly holding a jangling keychain in the air. He walked around the car and fell to one knee before her.
“M’lady,” he said chivalrously.
“Sure took you long enough,” she said dryly, snatching the keys from his hand. “How was your night, anyway?” Oliver lifted his head.
“Well, it was-”
“Must have been pretty fun, you know, considering it took you ass long to get here.” She pushed a button on the keychain. Her car’s lights flashed twice, accompanied by a small honk. “Are you following me, or am I following you?” Oliver got up from the ground and brushed off his knees. He moved in a very stilted manner, shocked at the sudden turn of the conversation.
“Well, I don’t, um... where are we going?” he asked quietly. Autumn brushed his arm gently, her expression still blank, then pulled her hand back into her pocket.
“I thought you’d have an idea, or something,” she replied.
“No, I...” he paused for a moment, considering his words lightly. “I was just trying to get here. I was worried about you.”
“Okay.”
“So...”
“Maybe we should go to my house,” she tried. “It’s closer. We can drop off my car and figure something out.”
“Okay, honey.”
Oliver leaned in slightly to give her a kiss on the cheek. She accepted it without much fanfare.
“So you follow me back home, and we’ll go from there, right?”
“Yeah,” he replied, dejected. “I’ll be thinking of stuff on the way.”
“Okay.” She opened her car door and sat down. Oliver shifted his weight to the ball of his foot, in an attempt to speak over the door.
“I love you,” he said heavily.
“I love you too,” came the automatic reply. The door slammed shut. She thought she heard him say “Drive safe,” but she couldn’t be too certain. She started the car, and Oliver ran around to get back in his sedan. He started it and blew her a kiss.
She didn’t notice.
* * *
Oliver changed the stations on his car radio. Country, country, rap, country. Country. He shut the radio off instead, opting to listen to the sounds of the open road. Following Autumn’s car was an experience in and of itself. He wasn’t sure how they left the conversation. He wasn’t sure how to act. He wasn’t sure how to apologize.
For once, though, he did know what to apologize for.
As they drew nearer to the intersection, they both pulled into the right turn lane and stopped for the red light. Oliver tried to get Autumn’s attention in her rear-view mirror. He waved around and stuck out his tongue. He couldn’t even see her to know if she was reacting to him. All he saw was her car leaping forward and turning, just before an onslaught of evenly-spaced cars coming from the other way. Oliver pulled forward and sighed. Still red. This light takes forever, he thought. And there’s no end to these damn cars.
“Well,” he considered aloud, “this certainly gives me some time to think.“
My prediction: I will be a zombie by late next week.
Tell Me a Joke
by Shawn Vandre
“Tell me a joke.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“What kind of joke?”
“Whatever strikes your fancy at the moment,” Autumn said dismissively. She curled up on the floor and rested her head on Oliver’s lap. Her light brown hair fell through the gaps between his legs. She nuzzled her head into his right knee as if it were a teddy bear. Oliver’s arms instinctively wrapped around the back of her head and scratched her neck. She gave a short sigh of comfort, though the look on her face was frozen with worry.
“Knock knock,” Oliver tried, eliciting nothing more than a groan from the vulnerable Autumn.
“I don’t want to hear a stupid joke,” she complained. “If I wanted that, I could ask my brother. Tell me a funny one.” Her hand found his, and she started kissing it. She held onto it like the comfort blanket to the bed of his lap.
“I don’t have funny jokes,” he said, casually sliding his fingers through her hair. “Only punny ones.”
“Come on, you’ve got to have some.”
“Um.”
“I could ask your dad,” she said, smiling quietly. “He always has a joke.”
“Do you want to hear one of my dad’s jokes?” he asked as gently as he stroked her hair.
“Umm...” Autumn smiled a little wider and kissed the back of Oliver’s hand. She let his arm go and continued to snuggle with his knee, as though the gentleness of his words brought her even greater comfort. “Sure.”
“So a priest, a rabbi, and a minister are all on a boat.” Oliver paused. Autumn tilted her head up to look at him.
“Yeah?”
“Have you heard this one?”
Autumn broke into a sweet chuckle. She turned her attention back to Oliver’s knee.
“I don’t know, hon. You have to actually tell it first.”
“Okay,” he began again. “So they’re all in this boat.”
“Who is?”
“I just told you!” he said, smiling widely. She chuckled to herself. She paused in an effort to determine the best way to explain herself.
“I forgot. Already.” That would have to do for now. Oliver sighed, smiling enough to bare his front teeth.
“A priest, a rabbi, and a minister.” He paused, expecting an interruption from his audience. She said nothing. He continued. “They’re all in a boat.”
“You said that,” she said tauntingly.
“You probably forgot it by now.”
“Shut up. Get on with it.”
“I am.”
“Good.”
“Three guys, all in a boat.”
“Yes.”
“The priest says he’s getting hungry, so he stands up, walks on water, goes to the snack bar, walks back, and gets in the boat.”
“...Okay.”
“The minister says the same thing, he’s getting hungry. So he stands up and does the same thing. Walks on water, gets a snack, walks back, and sits down.”
“Creepy.”
“I know. I’m not done.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. So, the rabbi’s just sitting there, like ‘What the hell just happened?’”
“Yeah...?”
“Well, he figures it’s safe. So he says he’s getting hungry too. He stands up, walks off the boat, and falls through the water. The minister turns to the priest and says, ‘I guess he missed the stepping stones.’”
Autumn began laughing with a short “tsss” noise, followed by several gentle laughs, as though she were trying to keep quiet during a lecture.
“That’s a good one,” she said. He resumed stroking her hair, having momentarily abandoned his task in favor of slight storytelling gestures. He chuckled at her response.
“I can’t believe you’ve never heard that one before.”
“What can I say? My family’s never been too big on jokes.”
“Except knock-knock jokes.”
“Yeah, but no stories like that.”
“It’s not a very good one,” he said, looking away in modesty.
“You just think that ‘cause you’ve heard it so much.” She looked up at him just as he was looking down at her. They locked glances for a few seconds. Their hands forgot their gentle touches as Autumn and Oliver focused solely on each other’s expression. Perhaps it was Oliver that smiled first. Perhaps it was Autumn.
Perhaps it didn’t matter. They were smiling, and that was that.
Chapter 1.
The cold wind blew through Autumn’s lengthy hair. She pulled her arms tightly into the front pocket of her red sweatshirt, trying desperately to keep herself warm. It wasn’t very cold that night, by autumn’s standard, but the temperature had dropped very quickly in the past few weeks. She leaned up against her car as if she were trying to sit. The car, a light blue hybrid affair, leaned slightly to one side as she rested. The small, occasionally blinking red light inside the driver side window taunted Autumn. It reflected off a metal hook on the purse hanging from her arm. It was her constant reminder that no one could break into this car without dire consequences.
Great idea, but why tonight?
She could see her breath hanging faintly in the air. She stood up from her car and danced in place, hoping to keep herself warm. It worked, sort of. She couldn’t help but shake the feeling that every passing driver was staring at her. Surely she looked suspicious, out there in the parking lot, all by herself. And so late at night, she thought. The mall closed almost an hour ago. And she stood by a single car. She consciously tried to make herself look as innocent as possible. She saw a car passing down the street along the lot. She acted very determined as she pulled her arms out from her pocket and forcefully opened her purse. She dug through the random items for a few seconds, then looked up at the sky, closed the purse, and with a sigh, resumed her earlier position. With the performance complete, it was safe for her to check her audience. They had driven right past her. Good.
She pulled her phone out of the front pocket of her jeans. With a quick flip and a few button presses, her phone told her Oliver had received her call fifty-seven minutes ago. She slammed the phone shut. “I would have been better off pushing it home,” she said to nobody. She realized after speaking that her handbrake was on, and her sarcastic comment made no sense. Oh well. At least nobody heard it.
Every passing car looked like his. Every time one of them came to the intersection, she tried in vain to look past its headlights and get a glimpse at the driver inside. She could never see them, but even if she had, they would have been of no interest to her. Only one motorist had even noticed her presence, but he quickly turned his head after seeing her. Makes sense, she thought. Who goes out to the mall an hour after it closes?
She shut her eyes for five or ten seconds and tried to reflect on her situation. The world didn’t give her much time, thanks to that old adage about watched pots. A grey sedan whipped through the parking lot as though it were on a quest. Autumn’s eyes popped open to the sound of its squealing tires. She flipped her phone open again. Sixty-one minutes. He’d better have a damn good excuse, she thought. The sedan pulled up to the spot right next to Autumn. The engine stopped, the door opened, and out emerged Oliver, triumphantly holding a jangling keychain in the air. He walked around the car and fell to one knee before her.
“M’lady,” he said chivalrously.
“Sure took you long enough,” she said dryly, snatching the keys from his hand. “How was your night, anyway?” Oliver lifted his head.
“Well, it was-”
“Must have been pretty fun, you know, considering it took you ass long to get here.” She pushed a button on the keychain. Her car’s lights flashed twice, accompanied by a small honk. “Are you following me, or am I following you?” Oliver got up from the ground and brushed off his knees. He moved in a very stilted manner, shocked at the sudden turn of the conversation.
“Well, I don’t, um... where are we going?” he asked quietly. Autumn brushed his arm gently, her expression still blank, then pulled her hand back into her pocket.
“I thought you’d have an idea, or something,” she replied.
“No, I...” he paused for a moment, considering his words lightly. “I was just trying to get here. I was worried about you.”
“Okay.”
“So...”
“Maybe we should go to my house,” she tried. “It’s closer. We can drop off my car and figure something out.”
“Okay, honey.”
Oliver leaned in slightly to give her a kiss on the cheek. She accepted it without much fanfare.
“So you follow me back home, and we’ll go from there, right?”
“Yeah,” he replied, dejected. “I’ll be thinking of stuff on the way.”
“Okay.” She opened her car door and sat down. Oliver shifted his weight to the ball of his foot, in an attempt to speak over the door.
“I love you,” he said heavily.
“I love you too,” came the automatic reply. The door slammed shut. She thought she heard him say “Drive safe,” but she couldn’t be too certain. She started the car, and Oliver ran around to get back in his sedan. He started it and blew her a kiss.
She didn’t notice.
* * *
Oliver changed the stations on his car radio. Country, country, rap, country. Country. He shut the radio off instead, opting to listen to the sounds of the open road. Following Autumn’s car was an experience in and of itself. He wasn’t sure how they left the conversation. He wasn’t sure how to act. He wasn’t sure how to apologize.
For once, though, he did know what to apologize for.
As they drew nearer to the intersection, they both pulled into the right turn lane and stopped for the red light. Oliver tried to get Autumn’s attention in her rear-view mirror. He waved around and stuck out his tongue. He couldn’t even see her to know if she was reacting to him. All he saw was her car leaping forward and turning, just before an onslaught of evenly-spaced cars coming from the other way. Oliver pulled forward and sighed. Still red. This light takes forever, he thought. And there’s no end to these damn cars.
“Well,” he considered aloud, “this certainly gives me some time to think.“