Be the Change
I chose this name because the quote "You must be the change you wish to see in the world" has been going through my head every day for the past 2 years. Although, I haven't done a thing about it. I have so many ideas, so many things I want to accomplish. When I start on the right path, I get scared and take the comfortable road. I've been doing this since I was 5 years old. I'm at a place again, where I can start over. The regrets I have are huge, and there are so many relationships that I need to mend, so many people that I need to apologize to for my past actions.
I moved in with my boyfriend not too long ago, to a city a couple provinces over from my family, from where I grew up. He encourages me and supports every thing I do, so now I really have no reason not to move forward. I started this blog so I had something to answer to other then myself. I tried that in the past, and it didn't work so well. Turns out I accept my own excuses way too easily.
It's not January first, but I'm going to write down some resolutions that I will start right now.
1. Find a better job - I'm miserable at my current job. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for having it and rely on it to pay the bills, but I know there's something better out there. I got it when I moved out here in April and just accepted that this is what I would do. I'm grumpy when I wake up in the morning before work, I'm checking the clock 50 times a day to see if it's 5 yet, and I know that if I'm that unhappy there, I'm probably not very pleasant to my co-workers either. I'm an administrative assistant at a trucking company, what little talents I do have, I know I'm wasting.
2. Go back to school - Apparently I thought a high school education would get my through life just fine. That was great for the first couple years out of high school, but I'm 21 and seeing that I'm not qualified for every job I want out there is getting depressing. I want a career. I don't want to dread going to work every day for the rest of my life. I know happiness is a mind set, and there are people on the other side of the world with so much less that wake up smiling every day, but I have the tools to expand my talents and I don't plan on wasting those forever.
3. Start thinking about other people - It's not that I have ever hurt anyone intentionally, I don't believe I'm mean spirited and I do want the best for people, but I know I've let some of my friends down in the past. One woman not too long ago tried to help my expand my life. She had my best interests at heart. I'm not sure if I didn't see that or if I did but was too selfish to acknowledge it. I'm not sure what made me realize this now, maybe it's because I've stepped back and really thought about it, but I need to apologize to her. It certainly won't be easier, but it's something I need to do in order to move forward as a person. I also need to start listening to my current friends more. I mean really listening, the kind where you answer back and feel for them. I think I've been selfish in the past, and that's not the person I want to be.
4. Trust more, be independent- I've always thought everyone wanted the worst for me. I was convinced friends were against me, that they wanted nothing good for me. Maybe that's why it's always been so easy to stop talking. I've loved all my friends, but I never really trusted them. I also need to stop relying on other people to make me happy. My boyfriend, God bless him, must be driven nuts with me sometimes. Even little things, like trying to figure out my iPod, I never do for myself. I'm a big girl now, 21 and if I act like this forever I'm going to know as much about everything when I'm 80. There's lots of things to discover out there, and I need to stop holding everyone's hand.
5. Volunteer- I've grown more living out here for the past 5 months then I have in my 20 years back home. I'm not sure what sparked the change, it could have been him, could have been the absence of a big city and so may distractions, but my eyes have seen a lot more. I started to educate myself on the state of the world. It's easy when you grow up in suburbia to think that the world is a wonderful, happy place. It's easy to hear about another car bombing in Asia and be comforted that I'm safe and sound in my house. At what point in time did humans lose their basic compassion? We are so numb to other peoples suffering. As long as we are ok, the world is ok.
I've read the news, bought books about humanity, formed an opinion, debated. The things I have learned convinced me that everyone should be helping in one way or another. If it's your time, or even your money, I don't know how people can close their eyes at night knowing what's going on out there. It's great that I've discovered this, but I should also be acting upon it.
6. Get a Hobby -This one doesn't seem as important as the others, but it is a key to finding out who you really are. Again, since I've moved out here I've discovered I'm very interested in humanity, politics, writing, reading, the state of the environment. Heck, I've even became a vegetarian and am interested in animal rights.
My first step with a hobby is yoga. There's tons of studios out here and I need to take some classes. The challenge will be getting around without a car, but I've done it before and I really need to suck it up.
So, here's a start to the person I want to become. If I want to change the world, I'm not going to do that in front of the t.v.
M.K.
I moved in with my boyfriend not too long ago, to a city a couple provinces over from my family, from where I grew up. He encourages me and supports every thing I do, so now I really have no reason not to move forward. I started this blog so I had something to answer to other then myself. I tried that in the past, and it didn't work so well. Turns out I accept my own excuses way too easily.
It's not January first, but I'm going to write down some resolutions that I will start right now.
1. Find a better job - I'm miserable at my current job. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for having it and rely on it to pay the bills, but I know there's something better out there. I got it when I moved out here in April and just accepted that this is what I would do. I'm grumpy when I wake up in the morning before work, I'm checking the clock 50 times a day to see if it's 5 yet, and I know that if I'm that unhappy there, I'm probably not very pleasant to my co-workers either. I'm an administrative assistant at a trucking company, what little talents I do have, I know I'm wasting.
2. Go back to school - Apparently I thought a high school education would get my through life just fine. That was great for the first couple years out of high school, but I'm 21 and seeing that I'm not qualified for every job I want out there is getting depressing. I want a career. I don't want to dread going to work every day for the rest of my life. I know happiness is a mind set, and there are people on the other side of the world with so much less that wake up smiling every day, but I have the tools to expand my talents and I don't plan on wasting those forever.
3. Start thinking about other people - It's not that I have ever hurt anyone intentionally, I don't believe I'm mean spirited and I do want the best for people, but I know I've let some of my friends down in the past. One woman not too long ago tried to help my expand my life. She had my best interests at heart. I'm not sure if I didn't see that or if I did but was too selfish to acknowledge it. I'm not sure what made me realize this now, maybe it's because I've stepped back and really thought about it, but I need to apologize to her. It certainly won't be easier, but it's something I need to do in order to move forward as a person. I also need to start listening to my current friends more. I mean really listening, the kind where you answer back and feel for them. I think I've been selfish in the past, and that's not the person I want to be.
4. Trust more, be independent- I've always thought everyone wanted the worst for me. I was convinced friends were against me, that they wanted nothing good for me. Maybe that's why it's always been so easy to stop talking. I've loved all my friends, but I never really trusted them. I also need to stop relying on other people to make me happy. My boyfriend, God bless him, must be driven nuts with me sometimes. Even little things, like trying to figure out my iPod, I never do for myself. I'm a big girl now, 21 and if I act like this forever I'm going to know as much about everything when I'm 80. There's lots of things to discover out there, and I need to stop holding everyone's hand.
5. Volunteer- I've grown more living out here for the past 5 months then I have in my 20 years back home. I'm not sure what sparked the change, it could have been him, could have been the absence of a big city and so may distractions, but my eyes have seen a lot more. I started to educate myself on the state of the world. It's easy when you grow up in suburbia to think that the world is a wonderful, happy place. It's easy to hear about another car bombing in Asia and be comforted that I'm safe and sound in my house. At what point in time did humans lose their basic compassion? We are so numb to other peoples suffering. As long as we are ok, the world is ok.
I've read the news, bought books about humanity, formed an opinion, debated. The things I have learned convinced me that everyone should be helping in one way or another. If it's your time, or even your money, I don't know how people can close their eyes at night knowing what's going on out there. It's great that I've discovered this, but I should also be acting upon it.
6. Get a Hobby -This one doesn't seem as important as the others, but it is a key to finding out who you really are. Again, since I've moved out here I've discovered I'm very interested in humanity, politics, writing, reading, the state of the environment. Heck, I've even became a vegetarian and am interested in animal rights.
My first step with a hobby is yoga. There's tons of studios out here and I need to take some classes. The challenge will be getting around without a car, but I've done it before and I really need to suck it up.
So, here's a start to the person I want to become. If I want to change the world, I'm not going to do that in front of the t.v.
M.K.