[ voice ; open ]

[polarisation]

Y'know, something's been bugging me. When I got here a while ago, I was... older. Taller 'n all that, definitely more 'n I should've been. Then 'bout a year ago [ to the day, as a matter of fact ] I turned back to normal. Dunno why.

That ever happen to anybody else here? Or-'ve you ever heard 'bout it?

[ ooc: He's referring to the old 'must age

Comments

[miseryismyotp]

Hi, Lowell.

What, you mean like...reverse growth spurt?

[polarisation]

[ There's a bit of a silence here. When he speaks, it sounds... restrained. He hasn't forgotten what happened two weeks ago. ]

I don't really wanna talk to you.

[miseryismyotp]

Oh well.

Fine.

Fuck you, then.

[click!]

[ locked ]

[polarisation]

[ Normally, he would be able to let that go. Normally, he'd bury the emotions and blame himself.

His whole life has been anything but 'normal' the last month ever since he's been stuck here. Time for an angry (somewhat shakily spoken) voice-mail! ]

Are you kidding me? Fuck me?! Fuck you! You said you'd come over to help, you promised you'd try 'n get me out... you said you'd reign yourself in and you didn't! You attacked him! You wouldn't listen to me!

S-so... fuck you, Conrad. [ He gets quieter here, the hurt so much easier to pick out now under the quick burst of anger. ] Don't use my name if you wanna pick a fight again. Just-just don't.

[ locked ] A few minutes later. Always needs to get the last word in. :|

[miseryismyotp]

Yes, I promised I'd try and get you out! I tried! Lance was a complete asshole and I can't break in the walls! I reigned myself in! You have no idea how much I wanted to knock the living shit out of him, and I didn't, for you, you dick!

You know how goddamn stubborn he is, you tell me how to get him to give in short of knocking him unconscious!

And fuck you for thinking I did it for my own reasons.

[ locked ] oh, Conrad.

[polarisation]

You use words!

He doesn't care 'bout being hurt, you idiot. He wanted to-y'know what? Never mind. If you did it for me, that just makes it worse.

[ locked ]

[miseryismyotp]

God, you are such a piece of work.

So you don't want me to beat his ass to let you out because he either doesn't care or he likes it. So what the fuck is the deal with you getting upset about people getting hurt in your name? He was fine He can take two punches that were more about getting a point across than they were about violence! Words don't work on him, he only speaks fucking dragon.

And you just...I'm the only one trying to get you out, and you throw it back in my face?

[ locked ]

[polarisation]

I've done nothing but hurt people my entire life! Now somebody else comes up and does it for me and you ask what the deal is?!

I... I'd rather stay here than more people get hurt because of me.

[ You hear that, Conrad? That's the sound of someone else's neuroses rivaling the size of your own. He would do anything to keep people from getting hurt, even if it means cutting himself out of their life. ... like he's trying to do right now. ]

[ locked ]

[miseryismyotp]

So what. You're going to crawl into a hole and hide from the world because people get hurt? Because Lance and I lock horns so much we might as well be dating?

God, Sefton, would you stop with the fucking martyrdom?! You are so fucking immature, I don't even believe you're sixteen! You bury yourself away from everyone because of people getting hurt? Cry me a fucking river, because that's life! Own up to it, straighten up your spine, and face it like a fucking man for once! You can run an entire building but you tiptoe around everyone who knows you because I might give Lance a black eye? You can't force everyone to get along 100% of the time and that's life!

So stop whining about it and stop running. Because I'll tell you this much: there's nowhere to run to anymore. And if you keep crying and keep being such a sad sack of everyone-who-touches-me-is-doomed, you're going to be miserable the rest of your goddamn life! Sack up and realize that you have a life that's in your control if you just take the goddamn reins!

[ locked ]

[polarisation]

[ There's a long, long pause. It is very difficult to say if Sefton is stunned, or digesting, or what. Then... ]

Seventeen.

[ locked ]

[miseryismyotp]

Seventeen.

...Seriously? When did that-no. No, never mind.

Look. People get hurt. And I get where you might feel responsible for a small part of it because of your gift, and you've been very good about not letting people touch you.

But getting pissed off or miserable about me decking Lance because Lance is being an idiot and I can't discuss things rationally without bringing violence in is stupid. You can't control that part of me or Lance and if you're going to run away from that kind of chaotic burst of emotion, then you're being emotionally retarded.

[ locked ]

[polarisation]

Today.

I wasn't always good with it. Wasn't... and haven't been as good as I'd want to be. Not here.

... I- [ Slight sob. This is exactly what he's always been scared of, controlling people. Part of his nature is to be bossy, but then there's just the issues of how people would do their best to pay attention back home, his promise to himself that he wouldn't impose that on anyone else anymore. He doesn't know what to do with himself right now. ]

[ locked ]

[miseryismyotp]

...So today's your birthday.

Oh...fuck, fuck it, Sefton..

Just...you have control over this. And you don't have to be afraid, no one can make you be afraid if you don't want to be. But people are going to act the way they want to, and I admit, I am a hard-headed asshole. So's Lance. And sometimes we fight.

I don't think we're fighting right now, though. Our last conversation was pretty decent to one another. It's just emotions run high sometimes.

Look, do...do you want a cake or something? I suck at baking so you don't even have to be all "Oh no, he made a fantastic cake for me so now I must feel terrible."

[ locked ]

[polarisation]

[ Softly, ] Yeah.

I don't have control over this, Conrad! Most control... most control I have is avoiding people. If I don't... then-then bad things happen. They always have.

[ Beat. What? ]

U-uh... no. You don't need to make a cake.

[ -WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. ]

What did you...?

[ locked ]

[miseryismyotp]

So avoid touching people. But if you avoid us all together, you become emotionally stunted and unable to make rational decisions. You need to find a safe middle ground between avoiding everyone and a nude love-in.

I'll bring something over. It won't be huge, but it's your birthday, you know?

...What?

[ locked ]

[polarisation]

My name.