and wasn't it a long way down? [open-ish]

[goldn_boy]

WHO Jim Kirk (TOS) and OPEN-ish
WHAT Hunger week and magic windows are not mixy things
WHERE Around, mostly CGM
WHEN This week; days in comments
NOTES There are threads for specific days; feel free to tag wherever you think your character would be likely to or make a new one. Multiple threads welcome, etc. Sorry about the tl;dr! Contact me if you

Comments

[goldn_boy]

A little frown of dismay crossed Jim's features at that, an answer ready on his tongue, but Uhura distracted him with whipped cream. A relationship where a girl you were not having sex with would personally inject whipped cream into your mouth was a relationship Jim would treasure, so he leaned forward and opened his mouth for her. He was impressed that the technology of Bete Noire had extended to cans of whipped cream; sometimes it seemed hopelessly primitive.

With that bit of business taken care of, Jim had to address Uhura's words as well as her ice cream consumption.

"Why would you say something like that?" Jim asked. "I'm a pretty good authority on these matters, and my unbiased opinion is that anyone would be lucky to have you. Whatever is going on, I'm pretty sure you're right about it being Spock being Spock."

Spock. And relationships. Jim didn't even know how to approach that one. He'd met Spock's betrothed, after all. "Demonstrative" probably didn't have a Vulcan translation, but then, Sarek had seemed fond of Amanda in a way that it was clear she at least could read.

[talentd_tongue]

"Oh! No, no no no." Uhura held up her hand and smiled, shaking her head. "I'm not being down on myself. I know why most men would want to be with me." She stuffed another huge bite of ice cream in her mouth, which probably did nothing to highlight those specific attributes, but she wasn't after Jim, and he wasn't after her. "Spock is his own set of rules, though. Sometimes I don't know why he specifically is with me. I'm... fun and loud physical and most of the time being in a relationship with him is like pulling teeth."

She was making it sound horrible, wasn't she. "It's worth it," she hurried to add. "It's just... it's complicated." Jim should understand. he had his own Spock, after all. "That's all I meant."

[goldn_boy]

It wouldn't have mattered--Jim liked a girl who could put away food. But it was beside the point here. He thought about it, lips thinning as he thought about his own Spock, the possessive his brain preceded it with only apparent to him once it was clear Spock wasn't.

"I can't claim to know why the Spock I know does some of the things he does, let alone a man with a different past. But I do know he doesn't do anything he doesn't believe in, or doesn't want. The how and why aren't always clear."

He took another bite, thoughtful. He hadn't thought to doubt her phrasing--a relationship with Spock would be like pulling teeth and part of Jim had been very clear lately that anyone who wanted one deserved a certain amount of sympathy.

"Spock--my Spock, and I'm guessing yours--had a choice. Half Human, half Vulcan, he had an uncharted course to set. He could have stayed on Vulcan, followed in his father's footsteps. But he chose Starfleet. He'd have had a brilliant future either way, and he'd have been 'alien' either way. Spock chose to be Vulcan and surround himself with Humans. And I think a lot of what drives him is that contradiction. He has to be more Vulcan sometimes to preserve his identity, but he voluntarily gives his loyalty to a cause which is not always in line with his values. To work alongside beings he doesn't understand, and who patently don't understand him. The point--if I have one--is that I think Spock's choices are as important as his actions moment to moment. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to. The Spock I know has never willingly been involved with a woman, as long as I've known him. It took me years before he'd admit to our friendship. It's worth it, Uhura, but it's never going to be easy."

Jim conveniently left off the part where Spock had left and rejected his Human side altogether, and the part where Jim blamed himself, because he didn't want to think that could possibly repeat itself here. He'd started to think it was easy, the rapport they'd had so strong Jim had felt a physical absence when he'd gone, and maybe that was a mistake, too.

[talentd_tongue]

Jim had pretty much hit it right on the head. "It's taken me four years to get to where we are. I'm pretty sure I was his only actual friend before we came here." Another huge bite of ice cream while she considered that. One more thing to put in the ridiculously small 'pro' column on her mental list. "While I was still a student, he--" Uhura shook her head and laughed and she wasn't entirely sure why she was telling Jim, but... "Our first kiss, he gave me this completely flat and totally spot on list of all the reasons it was a horrible idea for us to be together. And he was right. I agreed with him. And then he kissed me... and he just smiled and walked out of the room." It was still a new concept for Uhura, to be able to acknowledge her relationship. It was nice.

[goldn_boy]

"He smiled?" Jim repeated, honestly impressed. He'd only ever seen Spock smile when he'd learned that he'd not killed Jim. "Well, it goes to show you--he's ignoring his version of logic, he's agreeing to be in this with you. It's just... not instinctive to him. It doesn't mean he doesn't want it. It probably means the opposite is especially true."

Before we came here. He was fairly certain he was Spock's friend--how that had happened, on Spock's side, he wasn't sure. But Jim had pushed, and gotten in. He wondered, now, if it had been the right thing or if he'd just been playing through--

"Just as if I'd have to curb some of my own instincts, in a similar position," he said, to distract himself. He smiled. "Relationships come with compromise."

[talentd_tongue]

"Well... smirked, really." Still, it counted. A change of expression that she'd only ever seen directed at her. Jim probably got those looks now, but she didn't want to think about that. She didn't realize that she didn't want to think about it, but something buried in the back of her mind kept her thoughts moving right along, not letting them linger.

Uhura built her toppings back up, chocolate in various forms and more whipped cream and peanuts. She really should have done this a lot sooner. Hiding from Jim, especially now that she wasn't and things weren't awkward in the least, seemed like just the stupidest thing in the world. "Most days I'm sure he had no idea what he was getting himself into, but I also think that some part of him likes who it's turning him into. He fights it a lot, but he doesn't actually push hard enough to get away, and he could." He knew how to shut her down cold. "I might not know why he chose me, but I do know that he keeps on choosing me." There it was, she knew if she just talked it out long enough she'd come to the right formation of words.

[goldn_boy]

Jim smiled even more warmly at that, not knowing that part of it was his own recollection. "Yes, that's it exactly," he said. "He keeps choosing you."

Until he doesn't, and he's gone entirely, but... But Uhura wouldn't have that problem, Jim decided. Because Uhura wasn't Spock's captain, or brother. Uhura was his partner, and that had to count for something extra. This--learning this--had stirred up too many questions for him, Jim thought. He needed to stop thinking about things he couldn't change.

"Why did you avoid me?" he asked, not knowing he was going to until the words were already there, between them. "No, I'm sorry. That's really none of my business."

[talentd_tongue]

"I..." Uhura sighed. This was the question she'd hoped to avoid. But the fact of the matter was, whether Jim thought it wad his business or not, he did deserve to know. "I was avoiding everyone. I left a way for people to find me, but I was hoping no one would."

Well, that wasn't completely true. Part of her had hoped someone would come looking, a much bigger part had hoped no one would. Spock had come to her. He was the only one she'd actually wanted to see. "The rain. The drugs. I acted like a fool and I'm not used to being... less than people are expecting. Broadcasting my lack of a sex life to a kitchen full of my crewmates while Chekov provided visual aids-- that was a low point. I wasn't sure how to face anyone after that, and it was harder with you because I cared about your opinion more."

[goldn_boy]

Sometimes the most heartwarming things were also the saddest. Jim looked like he wasn't sure whether to laugh or give her a hug, and his mouth twitched a moment before he could answer.

"It's not that I don't understand," he said. "Believe me--I was half convinced I'd lost your good opinion by announcing my intention to have sex with anything and everything. I remember that day, though, and you weren't any more foolish than me. And in a certain light, it was all a little... charming."

He shook his head--that was probably the wrong tack, but he was not going to let go of the memory of T'Pol swiping icing from Uhura's nose any time soon.

"I can't think of a single thing you did or said that made me think any less of you. Or really, that could. I trust you, Uhura. A drunken confession or a moment of weakness isn't going to change that. Because I care. I'm here for the package."

He smiled.

"In a totally platonic, sex-toy-exchanging capacity."

[talentd_tongue]

"Charming?" She snorted softly, as though she didn't believe him, but her smile looked more than a little relieved. "I need more platonic sex toy exchanging friends in my life, I think." And just like that, it was all right. Uhura wondered what it would be like to have this sort of relationship with her own Kirk. If it was even possible.

[goldn_boy]

Jim leaned over to nudge her shoulder with his.

"Oh, come on," he said. "If you can tolerate me at all after that, I can't begin to judge you."

He returned her smile, grateful to see it.

"You do," he agreed. "Who else will tell you what you need to hear?"

[talentd_tongue]

"No one, apparently." It could be a sad thing, or it could be a wonderful thing. She only had Jim for this sort of thing. Or, she could focus on the fact that she had anyone at all, that she was lucky enough to have found someone in the city she could be this comfortable with, someone she could be so incredibly real with without any other expectations or complications of sex or career or societal obligation. "I think that you and I might be stuck with each other now."

[goldn_boy]

Jim smiled wider. "I can think of much worse fates," he said. "And it goes both ways. I'm extremely difficult to get rid of. Ask any hostile force in the galaxy."

He was going to go for "wonderful," himself. There was little enough else that was, here, and as yet he could still focus on the good things.

[talentd_tongue]

"Oh, I've seen it first hand, to some degree. You're not him, but you two do have your share of commonalities. I don't imagine I could get rid of you even if I wanted to. So I suppose it's a very good thing that I don't." She stuffed a huge spoonful of ice cream and fudge and nuts into her mouth. "Want to, I mean," she clarified around the bite. Seriously, how the hell was this stuff so damn good?

[goldn_boy]

She was wrong, of course. Spock had succeeded, at last. But Jim just scooped up the last of his ice cream, raising his spoon quickly to catch the dripping.

"A very good thing," he agreed. And then eyed her, a little smirk forming. "Has he given up, yet?"

[talentd_tongue]

"Who? Other you?" Uhura shook her head. "No. I don't even have to know what you're talking about to know the answer's no. He's like a pit bull. Once he gets his teeth into something he never lets go."