Heil, Fascista!
Esteemed Sir/Madam,
Greetings from the Future Fascists of America headquarters!
We write to congratulate you on your recent vanquishing of free thought and expression within the tiny domain under your Iron Fist!
Free thought and free expression, thanks to the noble efforts of those like yourself, are at an all-time low in the America of today -- but they're just not low enough! Democracy as a system has obviously failed; the only solution is a fascist revolution! The Glory that was Greece! The Grandeur that was Rome! Well, those were democratic republics too, but you catch our meaning.
Truly, this epic future can be made possible only by the heroic struggle of those like yourself, crushing free expression and any evidence of the demonic forces of Nonconformity at every turn, while our pathetic democracy requires education from its citizens to function properly -- and that means REAL EDUCATORS.
What Glorious State needs the inefficiency and expense of training its educational administrators to exercise patience, humility, to encourage free and rational thought? REAL educators are inefficient, a waste of time and training! What we need is barely perfunctory, maniacal, petty-power-tripping, tyrannical little wannabes like yourself! Drill sergeants, Torquemadas, exemplary iron-fisted knee-jerkers like yourself: that's what this country REALLY needs!
It's the only way to turn our schools into factories which turn out neurotically preprogrammed future citizen-sheep of America!
SO WHAT if we incur a few Columbine Massacres now and then -- you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, and frankly, our position here at Future Fascists of America is that those few weak eggs are just going to have to get broken.
The first step is eliminating those who dress and express themselves "differently", as your efforts have shown; these mental weaklings will be first to slow down the progress of our master race glorious nation's future.
Degenerates all!
Next, the homosexuals, the mentally handicapped and the less fortunate, at least financially, than those who live in your primarily white, upper-middle-class neighborhood. Who needs those dead weights hanging around the neck of our nation's heroic future?
In short, for your sterling commitment to fascism at every turn of your career, we'd like to induct you as an honorary member of our organization. Please accept this rarely-bestowed honor along with our admiration and the attached, complimentary copy of Mein Kampf, and we'll be corresponding with you again very soon. Meantime, be assured that we will notify your local BOE representative, Lanora Nolan, PTA administration, and national media outlets as well, of your receipt of this most prestigious award.
Yours in admiration,
Governing Council of the FFA (Future Fascists of America)
__________________, Boardmember
Greetings from the Future Fascists of America headquarters!
We write to congratulate you on your recent vanquishing of free thought and expression within the tiny domain under your Iron Fist!
Free thought and free expression, thanks to the noble efforts of those like yourself, are at an all-time low in the America of today -- but they're just not low enough! Democracy as a system has obviously failed; the only solution is a fascist revolution! The Glory that was Greece! The Grandeur that was Rome! Well, those were democratic republics too, but you catch our meaning.
Truly, this epic future can be made possible only by the heroic struggle of those like yourself, crushing free expression and any evidence of the demonic forces of Nonconformity at every turn, while our pathetic democracy requires education from its citizens to function properly -- and that means REAL EDUCATORS.
What Glorious State needs the inefficiency and expense of training its educational administrators to exercise patience, humility, to encourage free and rational thought? REAL educators are inefficient, a waste of time and training! What we need is barely perfunctory, maniacal, petty-power-tripping, tyrannical little wannabes like yourself! Drill sergeants, Torquemadas, exemplary iron-fisted knee-jerkers like yourself: that's what this country REALLY needs!
It's the only way to turn our schools into factories which turn out neurotically preprogrammed future citizen-sheep of America!
SO WHAT if we incur a few Columbine Massacres now and then -- you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, and frankly, our position here at Future Fascists of America is that those few weak eggs are just going to have to get broken.
The first step is eliminating those who dress and express themselves "differently", as your efforts have shown; these mental weaklings will be first to slow down the progress of our master race glorious nation's future.
Degenerates all!
Next, the homosexuals, the mentally handicapped and the less fortunate, at least financially, than those who live in your primarily white, upper-middle-class neighborhood. Who needs those dead weights hanging around the neck of our nation's heroic future?
In short, for your sterling commitment to fascism at every turn of your career, we'd like to induct you as an honorary member of our organization. Please accept this rarely-bestowed honor along with our admiration and the attached, complimentary copy of Mein Kampf, and we'll be corresponding with you again very soon. Meantime, be assured that we will notify your local BOE representative, Lanora Nolan, PTA administration, and national media outlets as well, of your receipt of this most prestigious award.
Yours in admiration,
Governing Council of the FFA (Future Fascists of America)
__________________, Boardmember