Miscellaneous Ramblings...
One benefit of being an insomniac is the entertaining conversations you can manage with your bedmate.
Orion: mumble
Me (reading): Huh?
Orion: I hate the elderly.
Me (giggling): You hate the elderly?
Orion nods emphatically with a pouty lip and obviously still quite asleep
Me (laughing now): Why do you hate the elderly, honey?
Orion: They ruined my magazines.
Me: They ruined your magazines? How?
Orion (very grumpily): Sitting on them!
Guess you had to be there... it doesn't seem nearly as amusing in a textual context.
My dreams have been wildly vivid and macabre. Last night's/this morning's involved being in a coma for years. My consciousness/spirit was trapped in limbo... at times being very ghostlike and others physical but not myself and my existence was not bound to a linear timeline. I was haunting my family in hopes of getting them to return my spirit to my comatose body in the hospital.
I've dreamt of my long-dead mother quite often lately and other people from my everyday life have appeared with some regularity... this is a new and strange thing in my dreams which are often elaborately iconic, full of subconscious symbolism and archetypes but rarely involve people I know (with the exception of the dead, oddly.)
I've often dreamt myself as a child or 'tween lately. I think it's all painfully easy to interpret.
/dream crap
I'm not really certain why I've lapsed into inconstant blogging. There are times when events around me beg to be detailed in that surreal and verbose way I so love to chronicle everything. I've been feeling rather lost I suppose... which I try to play off as nothing much to Orion as if he hasn't seen nor read about my ever existential-crises-focused patterns of behavior. I mean, we met on Livejournal for chris'akes. As far as friends, save for roughly two, most of them have entered far-off orbit. Not really visible but still felt I suppose. Ironically the very people who claimed they'd never see me again once Orion moved to the Bay Area are the ones who have been missing in action with the exception of Monkey who's kind of swung back and forth on a crazy orbit... roaring in like a reaver chasing Serendipity or else like the words at the top of the Star Wars scrolling chapter introductions that you can't read anymore.
Some of my issue is being among the unemployed again. I have to admit I'm just not moldable. I watched my mother slave away for a company -- though in all other respects she was a fiercely independent woman -- for 30 years to be rewarded with a wall-clock when her illness forced her into early retirement. While some may argue at the logic behind my ethics I maintain that I am a person of integrity and unfortunately great pride. I refuse to bow down or kowtow simply because a person has a "higher" position than me rather than fine ideas. The worst, like my most recent employer, are the middle-class aristocrats who give orders and change their minds with pursed lips and bent hips simply because they feel they should be obeyed.
I'll lay in my deathbed happy of at least one thing... that I didn't compromise my self worth for a simple paycheck.
Of course this likely means I will also lay in my deathbed penniless and surrounded by my debtors... meh, it'll just add to the romanticized artist lifestyle I seem so insistent on living.
While having no money is a major drawback of unemployment, I've been painting my ass off. I am currently surrounded by no less than 14 paintings in various stages of completeness. I'll offer a link to a slap-dash gallery in my next post.
Oooo ooo... I also broke down under Orion's persistence and created a Myspace account which he immediately regretting after the first flirty comment/message I received. God love him.
Orion: mumble
Me (reading): Huh?
Orion: I hate the elderly.
Me (giggling): You hate the elderly?
Orion nods emphatically with a pouty lip and obviously still quite asleep
Me (laughing now): Why do you hate the elderly, honey?
Orion: They ruined my magazines.
Me: They ruined your magazines? How?
Orion (very grumpily): Sitting on them!
Guess you had to be there... it doesn't seem nearly as amusing in a textual context.
My dreams have been wildly vivid and macabre. Last night's/this morning's involved being in a coma for years. My consciousness/spirit was trapped in limbo... at times being very ghostlike and others physical but not myself and my existence was not bound to a linear timeline. I was haunting my family in hopes of getting them to return my spirit to my comatose body in the hospital.
I've dreamt of my long-dead mother quite often lately and other people from my everyday life have appeared with some regularity... this is a new and strange thing in my dreams which are often elaborately iconic, full of subconscious symbolism and archetypes but rarely involve people I know (with the exception of the dead, oddly.)
I've often dreamt myself as a child or 'tween lately. I think it's all painfully easy to interpret.
/dream crap
I'm not really certain why I've lapsed into inconstant blogging. There are times when events around me beg to be detailed in that surreal and verbose way I so love to chronicle everything. I've been feeling rather lost I suppose... which I try to play off as nothing much to Orion as if he hasn't seen nor read about my ever existential-crises-focused patterns of behavior. I mean, we met on Livejournal for chris'akes. As far as friends, save for roughly two, most of them have entered far-off orbit. Not really visible but still felt I suppose. Ironically the very people who claimed they'd never see me again once Orion moved to the Bay Area are the ones who have been missing in action with the exception of Monkey who's kind of swung back and forth on a crazy orbit... roaring in like a reaver chasing Serendipity or else like the words at the top of the Star Wars scrolling chapter introductions that you can't read anymore.
Some of my issue is being among the unemployed again. I have to admit I'm just not moldable. I watched my mother slave away for a company -- though in all other respects she was a fiercely independent woman -- for 30 years to be rewarded with a wall-clock when her illness forced her into early retirement. While some may argue at the logic behind my ethics I maintain that I am a person of integrity and unfortunately great pride. I refuse to bow down or kowtow simply because a person has a "higher" position than me rather than fine ideas. The worst, like my most recent employer, are the middle-class aristocrats who give orders and change their minds with pursed lips and bent hips simply because they feel they should be obeyed.
I'll lay in my deathbed happy of at least one thing... that I didn't compromise my self worth for a simple paycheck.
Of course this likely means I will also lay in my deathbed penniless and surrounded by my debtors... meh, it'll just add to the romanticized artist lifestyle I seem so insistent on living.
While having no money is a major drawback of unemployment, I've been painting my ass off. I am currently surrounded by no less than 14 paintings in various stages of completeness. I'll offer a link to a slap-dash gallery in my next post.
Oooo ooo... I also broke down under Orion's persistence and created a Myspace account which he immediately regretting after the first flirty comment/message I received. God love him.