(no subject)
I am in another world. My hands are shaking and it's like I drift in and out of conciousness sometimes. I don't know what is going on.
Only about 2 people know what is going on in my head and why I'm so shakey and trying to fix my thoughts.
Only one of them actually knows something that I hold a "secret". It's not wrong and I just need something local. something. Friendship? Who knows. What the fuck..........
Calla. Calla. I love them more than anything else in this world. Maybe they are why I'm being a fuck up.
Do you ever feel like you are dirty? Like... whenever you do something (even if it isn't sexualy or actually dirty in the sense of being unclean)? I feel like that right now. I feel like I'm disgusting and gross. It is horrible.
I'm starting to hate the rain. It rains every single day now. I feel like.... I'm supposed to cry whenever it happens. I sit on the couch and I look out the window and I see that the sky is grey. My heart sympathizes and my eyes just can't. I can't cry. But the rain drops all the liquid necessary. It makes up for my slacking. How fucking stupid do I sound?
But I feel guilty for it.
I need to take a shower but it's not going to wash away everything that FUCKING SUCKS right now. It won't. Now matter how hard I scrub, I still think there is this extra layer of skin that is holding back all of my secrets and my courage.
I'm so scared. No one can help me right now. I need to run away. I need to get a car, pack up everything and just run. I need to cry.
Maybe that will help.
I need FYE.
Only about 2 people know what is going on in my head and why I'm so shakey and trying to fix my thoughts.
Only one of them actually knows something that I hold a "secret". It's not wrong and I just need something local. something. Friendship? Who knows. What the fuck..........
Calla. Calla. I love them more than anything else in this world. Maybe they are why I'm being a fuck up.
Do you ever feel like you are dirty? Like... whenever you do something (even if it isn't sexualy or actually dirty in the sense of being unclean)? I feel like that right now. I feel like I'm disgusting and gross. It is horrible.
I'm starting to hate the rain. It rains every single day now. I feel like.... I'm supposed to cry whenever it happens. I sit on the couch and I look out the window and I see that the sky is grey. My heart sympathizes and my eyes just can't. I can't cry. But the rain drops all the liquid necessary. It makes up for my slacking. How fucking stupid do I sound?
But I feel guilty for it.
I need to take a shower but it's not going to wash away everything that FUCKING SUCKS right now. It won't. Now matter how hard I scrub, I still think there is this extra layer of skin that is holding back all of my secrets and my courage.
I'm so scared. No one can help me right now. I need to run away. I need to get a car, pack up everything and just run. I need to cry.
Maybe that will help.
I need FYE.