You Can't Always Get What You Want, Part 4

[betacandy]

Continued from Part 3.

The instant Daniel stepped into the tent, followed by Jack and Teal’c, everyone turned to him, ready to listen. Sam had no idea what he was saying as he explained the plan to the Egyptians and made sure everyone knew exactly what he or she was supposed to do. He looked like he was lecturing a class. A class of the most dedicated students she’d ever seen.

That was when it hit her how much he meant to these people. Did he even realize? She wondered if he was even telling them that he’d be leaving after the battle, that they’d never see him again.

Daniel paused for a second, and when he started up again, Sam knew he was telling them something grim. Maybe that he was leaving, or maybe that it was unlikely they’d all come back from this battle alive. She had a feeling either newsflash would have had the same impact on them.

At the end, he said something with a little smile, and the Egyptians cheered. Then they swarmed out of the tent, leaving only the fractured version of what should have been SG-1 behind.

“What’d you tell them at the end, there?” she asked as Daniel turned to them.

He shrugged. “’Let’s kick some Goa’uld ass.’”

“Loosely translated?” Jack surmised dryly.

Daniel nodded. “It was more like, ‘For the world of our children’, but meaning’s all about context.”

“Don’t I know it,” Jack quipped - mysteriously or inanely; she wasn’t sure which.

“You guys ready?” Daniel asked, his eyes pausing longest on Sam.

She nodded, as did Jack and Teal’c.

Daniel gave a half-smile. “Let’s go kick some Goa’uld ass.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For just a second, it hit Daniel what he was doing - what he was commanding others to do - and he wondered how Jack had done it so many times. The one time he’d asked, Jack had said, you just remember who you’re doing it for, and suddenly Daniel had realized just how many things Charlie had symbolized for Jack, and why his death had ripped even more than a father’s heart out of him.

You just remember who you’re doing it for. In this case, it was the future of every human being in the galaxy. That made it a little easier.

From beside him came Jack’s voice: “Daniel? We’re in position. Anytime you’re ready.”

“Yeah,” Daniel sighed, turning and walking toward the back of the time travel ship. “Are the radios working?”

Jack nodded. “First word from Teal’c or Katep that it’s a bust, we go to plan B.”

Daniel nodded and activated the ship’s hologram device…

…and suddenly found himself in Ra’s throne room. Not really, of course, but it felt like he was on the ship and in the throne room simultaneously. He had only a second to adjust to the disorientation.

Seth stared at him from the throne, and the two Jaffa in attendance turned to fire on him. Daniel forced himself to stand calmly as the energy bolts passed through his holographic image, and kept his hood down to disguise the face Seth couldn’t see for another five thousand years. “Setesh. Noo ani anquieetas.”

Seth sat up straight, hands tightly gripping the arms of what had been Ra’s throne. He made a gesture, and the Jaffa scurried out of the throne room. He kept staring at Daniel.

Damn, I forgot how much he looks like my dad. Bastard. Pushing all distractions aside, Daniel spoke in a quiet voice. “You seek the knowledge of the Ancients.”

Seth sat back, and for the first time, fear was visible in his eyes. “I do.”

“You will not find it here,” Daniel continued, hoping like crazy he’d picked the right tack here. “I have strengthened the hand of your enemy today. You will fail.”

The Goa’uld paled, looking well and truly spooked. “Today?” He looked toward the exit through which the Jaffa had left.

“It is too late for that,” Daniel informed him. Then he cocked his head quizzically. “Do you not seek a deeper power than any Goa’uld has ever known?”

Seth stopped glancing at the exit and frowned at Daniel, fascinated despite his fear. “Yes.”

“Then why would you repeat the mistakes of every Goa’uld before you?” Daniel asked with a slight smile. “You will lose today, and you will go into hiding. The Tau’ri will reclaim their world, and the Goa’uld will abandon it for five thousand years. But by then, you will have discovered a power that far surpasses that of any other Goa’uld.”

Seth looked him up and down, and narrowed his eyes. “Why should I believe you?”

“You require proof,” Daniel observed with a sigh. “What do you know of Anubis?”

Seth frowned and slowly shook his head. “Nothing.”

Daniel froze, keeping his poker face despite his suddenly speeding heart. So Anubis didn’t exist yet? Not that it mattered either way, really. He thought fast. “Anubis will set your path in stone,” he said mysteriously, recalling a translation mistake he’d made years ago that he’d always thought sounded poetic.

And then the door exploded behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam’s stomach clenched as Teal’c led their group into the throne room, and she realized that no amount of training on the range, no amount of growing up an Air Force brat, no amount of anything she’d ever known could prepare her for this. As she entered the room, the hologram of Daniel was just disappearing in a bright glow, and the rings he’d described to her were coming down with a metallic roar and the shafts of light that formed the matter stream. When the rings disappeared into the floor, there stood Jack and Daniel, back to back, weapons at the ready.

“He has gone!” Teal’c called out.

“That way,” Daniel replied, pointing toward the exit behind the throne.

“Let him go for now; concentrate on the Jaffa,” Jack advised. “Daniel, take point.”

Daniel headed to the front of the group and led them out a door on the left-hand side of the room, and for just a second, Sam felt like she was about to cry. The reaction annoyed her, even though she knew it was just nerves and adrenaline.

They followed Daniel through the corridor outside the throne room, and Teal’c passed her, running the wrong way. He took a rear-guard position at the back of the group, watching behind them for Jaffa.

Daniel yelled something, and Sam turned, startled. Everyone was pressing their backs to one wall of the corridor or the other, because Jaffa were coming right down the middle toward them. Jack and the natives toward the front started shooting the Jaffa like mad, and Sam got her staff weapon in position, looking for a clear shot. Then Daniel threw something, turned and covered his face. The Egyptians and Jack followed suit, but by the time Sam realized what was happening, the shock grenade exploded in a bright flash and the Jaffa collapsed.

Apparently, she’d been far enough from it not to feel the effects, because she was fine. And so were two Jaffa, who’d taken positions on opposite sides of the corridor and had their weapons raised to fire. “Look!” she yelled incoherently, even as she fired first, hitting one of the Jaffa in the chest, much to her surprise. The other Jaffa’s first shot sizzled down the middle of the corridor, missing everybody.

That gave Jack just enough time to spin around, aim and fire at the other Jaffa, who fell in a heap. Then he and Daniel walked up to the fallen Jaffa and, with one quick glance at each other, calmly fired the zat guns - one, two, three times - killing, then disposing of each body. Sam felt a chill, even though she’d known this was coming. It was one thing to take nineteen already imprisoned Jaffa to another planet, but the logistics of taking at least thirty prisoners during the heat of battle, lugging them back to the settlement and finding somewhere to put them were just too problematic. And the entire timeline was at stake.

“Let’s go,” Jack whispered down the corridor to the rest of them as he waved Daniel on in front.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They met three more Jaffa troops, and each encounter was pretty much like the last. Then they met what had to be the last troop, if Nepthuis’ estimate was right. They were in a huge chamber toward the back of the palace - one filled with shadows and alcoves and places to hide. And yet the Jaffa stood stupidly in the middle, firing at them.

Sam’s adrenaline had deserted her, and now she was running on raw nerves alone.

Everyone took cover, and Sam tried to summon some energy. The guys and several of the natives were leaning out from the cover to take shots at the Jaffa as Daniel readied another shock grenade. Sam learned out and took a shot or two of her own, nearly getting her hair singed by a passing staff blast.

She ducked and turned to fire again, and heard Daniel shout, “No!”, and then Nepthuis landed on her belly on the floor, and a weird blue glow emanated from underneath her. What the hell?

Daniel threw his shock grenade, knocking three of the ten Jaffa unconscious. The others scattered. One of the natives grabbed Neptuis and pulled her back to safety. She wasn’t moving. Jack tossed something to Teal’c, and Daniel snuck around one of the columns and started firing. Sam heard bodies fall.

And then, at the other end of the chamber, there was an explosion. She glanced over just in time to see Jack retract his arm and Teal’c throw something in another direction. A few seconds later, there was another explosion. Dear god, they’re throwing grenades in here? Couldn’t that bring the whole structure down on top of them?

Daniel kept moving and shooting, and Jack and Teal’c joined him, and a few seconds later, it was all over. Again, they zatted away the bodies.

Sam felt useless, so she slipped over to Nepthuis’ side. One of the natives was cradling her limp form on his knee. He spoke to Sam in Egyptian and shook his head. She didn’t need to speak the language to know what he was saying. Sam felt for a pulse, even though Nepthuis’ light brown eyes were staring sightlessly at the ceiling.

“Here,” came a soft voice beside her - Daniel. “Take my gun.”

Sam stared at him stupidly, then reached out for the military-issue rifle he was handing her.

He gently pushed her away from Nepthuis’ side and reached under the girl’s body. Getting a firm grasp on her, he straightened his knees and stood with her in his arms. “Oooh,” he grunted. “Either you’re heavier than you look, or I’m getting too old for this,” he said dryly, teasingly - as if she could hear.

Sam felt her eyes welling with tears.

“Dr. Carter,” came Teal’c’s voice from her other side. “Are you all right?”

In what sense? Compared to the dead girl? Relative to having just killed for the first time? “Fine,” she said. Then she fixed him with a curious stare. If they were going to run around killing people together… “It’s Samantha.”

He nodded thoughtfully.

“Where’re you going?” Jack shouted.

Sam turned to see him watching as Daniel headed toward the back of the room with Nepthuis’ body.

Daniel turned back to meet Jack’s eyes. Then he looked at the rest of them. He spoke to the natives in Egyptian and they started picking up guns. Then, to Jack, Sam and Teal’c he said, “I just told them to meet up with Katep’s group at the back entrance and do a final sweep of the palace. Teal’c, maybe you’d better stay with them just in case they find anything.”

Teal’c nodded and turned back to the natives and their preparations for the sweep.

Daniel raised his eyebrows at Jack and Sam. “Come on.” He started walking again, Nepthuis in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the way to wherever Daniel was leading them, Sam fell into step beside Jack and asked, “What happened to her, anyway?”

Jack’s lips tightened grimly. “I didn’t see.”

“They threw a shock grenade at us,” Daniel said over his shoulder. “She threw herself on it and took most of the blast.”

“Crazy kid,” Jack muttered, but his tone was full of admiration.

“If that thing had…” Sam whispered.

“We’d all have been captured,” Daniel finished for her. Then he turned a corner and stepped into a wide archway into a chamber the size of the throne room. In the middle of it stood a huge gold slab. Daniel walked up to it, then motioned Sam forward with a jerk of his head. “There’s a button…” he said.

She found it quickly. A dull reddish round crystal or polymer. She pushed it, it glowed, and then the top of the gold slab split apart, the two halves moving slowly to the sides to reveal a chamber inside. She jumped back out of the way, but Daniel neatly sidestepped it, as if he’d seen this many times before.

“What the hell is that?” Jack asked, stepping forward.

Daniel carefully lowered Nepthuis’ body into the gold box, the inside of which was white and somewhat luminous. “Sarcophagus,” he grunted as he finished easing her into place and stood up. The top began to close automatically, and he stepped back. “It’s a Goa’uld device, derived from Ancient technology, that heals injuries - even mortal ones.”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up. “It brings people back from the dead?”

“That’s impossible,” Sam cut in before she could stop herself. “I mean, in this case, sure - we could probably revive her in a modern hospital, too. But not cases of heavy tissue damage, or-”

Daniel sighed, cutting her off gently as the box began to hum. “I’ve seen it bring back people who’ve been shot in the heart, stabbed to death…” He stopped.

She frowned. “Well, if that’s true-”

“It is,” he said, a little archly.

She tilted her head, acquiescing. “Think how many lives it could save.”

“Did you have one of these back at your Stargate command?” Jack asked.

Daniel shook his head. “No. In fact, part of the reason I asked you back here is: once Nepthuis is healed, we have to destroy it.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Timeline?”

“Over time, repeated use of the sarcophagus causes addiction and madness.” Something on the top of the sarcophagus caught Daniel’s eye and he touched the raised carvings gently, probably taking the time to translate what the artifact said before blowing it to pieces. “It’s part of what made the Goa’uld as evil as they were.”

“But if we took steps to make sure it wasn’t abused…” Sam insisted.

Daniel shook his head. “You have any idea what some people would do to get their hands on something like this?”

“You ever been in one?” Jack asked curiously.

“Yeah,” Daniel sighed. “Unfortunately, I’ve had need of their services more than once.”

“What’s it feel like?”

He shrugged. “Kinda like a really, really good night’s sleep.”

Jack nodded, then frowned. “Madness and addiction?”

Daniel froze, staring at him, for just a second. Then the top of the sarcophagus began to split apart again, and they all stared at the light dimming inside it. Within seconds, Nepthuis sat up and looked around at them, and began speaking anxiously in Egyptian. Daniel took her hand and responded in soothing tones.

“Amazing,” Sam breathed.

“Oh, yeah,“ Jack agreed.

Nepthuis stepped out of the sarcophagus without assistance. She seemed not only alive, but strong and vibrant.

“Sam,” Daniel said. “Would you mind taking her outside? We’ll take care of things here and meet up with you in a few.”

“What, just because I’m the girl?” Sam snapped without thinking.

Daniel lifted an eyebrow. “No… Jack can take her, and you and I can blow up the sarcophagus. Just thought you might be tired of explosions by now.”

“Okay,” Sam said, turning to Jack. “You take her.”

Jack shrugged, looking Nepthuis over. “Fine. Not seeing a downside here.”

Daniel glared at him. “Hands off.”

“Spoken for?” Jack asked, glancing between Nepthuis and Daniel significantly.

“No,” Daniel replied witheringly. “Fourteen.”

“Fourteen?”

“Jack.”

“Yes, my commandant.” Jack bowed at the waist and extended a hand toward Nepthuis. At an exasperated nod from Daniel, she took Jack’s hand and followed him from the room.

“Did I just say ‘hands off’?” Daniel asked Sam as he reached for her staff weapon.

She shrugged. “Technically, it was just the one hand.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After blowing up the sarcophagus, Sam and Daniel met up with Katep’s group, who’d been guarding a rear entrance. In the end, they’d killed about thirty-five Jaffa - confirming Nepthuis’ estimate - turned loose about twelve human slaves whom Teal’c somehow confirmed had no Goa’uld symbiotes within them, restored their single casualty to life and blown up a priceless alien device. Seth got away, but Daniel said that was right for the timeline.

And that was it. That was war. It was over.

So why did her knees buckle as they stepped back into the daylight outside the palace, causing Teal’c to grab her arm and steady her? She forced herself to smile gratefully at him - because she did appreciate it - but smiling felt very, very wrong right now.

“You okay?” Daniel called back, stopping until she and Teal’c caught up.

She met his eyes for half a second - concerned, sweet, inquisitive eyes - and glanced down quickly to blot out the image of him calmly picking off unconscious Jaffa with a zat gun. “I’m fine.”

She could feel him looking at her for another moment, and she was pretty sure he knew what was bothering her. And she hated herself, because he’d only done what had to be done. She was as guilty as he was, and the Goa’uld were the real culprits, anyway. She forced herself to look him in the eye again, and this time she saw the man who’d lightly teased Nepthuis when he picked up her lifeless body. She didn’t know what it was about that moment, but something told her it had been a glimpse of the real Daniel, the spot where the Daniel from her timeline and this one converged, the beauty at the core. “I’ll be fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some fellow airmen had taken Jack to Studio 54 for his birthday in 1979, just a couple of months before the notorious New York nightclub got shut down for tax evasion, and some of the things he’d seen in that place had provided as much nightmare material as black ops. The Egyptian idea of partying was equally wild, but infinitely more tasteful. Singing, laughing, drinking, shouting, some damned skillful dancing, and fun with firearms, all under a deep blue sky dotted with more stars than the eye could count. Jack was starting to think maybe they should just stay here for the long haul instead of running off to the distant future.

Even Teal’c seemed to have relaxed a bit. He was sitting with some Egyptians and laughing his head off at a story one of them was telling. Daniel had seemed a little sad earlier, but the natives hadn’t given him a chance to withdraw. Hell, they’d been all over him. He was their savior, their teacher, the man who’d brought a girl back to life. And nothing he said would convince them otherwise.

Sam had mostly hung around Jack on the fringes, looking shy until some of the natives had dragged her into the middle of a dance. After a while they’d started feeling her hair, which they seemed to find pretty intriguing. Then she’d wound her way back to Jack and they’d sat in silence, watching the festivities for about ten minutes.

“Would you say this was a typical day of fighting?” she asked abruptly without looking at him.

Jack looked at her, and felt about a hundred years old. “More or less.”

“Does it ever bother you?”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied heavily.

She fidgeted with the sleeve of her robe for a minute before saying nervously, “It’s not bothering me much.”

Ah, so that was it. Jack gave that a moment to sink in, and then he said, “That’s when it bothers you the most.”

She met his eyes finally.

“You okay?” he asked gently, trying to remember how to talk to a woman. Well, a person, even. He didn’t even talk to himself when he could avoid it, not that he qualified on either count.

Fortunately, she smiled a little. He’d sort of made her laugh. That was good. “I’m okay,” she said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sha’re?” Daniel whispered. He could see every fold and shadow in her clothing, the sunlight glinting red and gold in her eyes. She looked beautiful.

He, on the other hand… oh, god. He was covered in dirt and grime. Wearing green camos and a bandana, and looking like he’d just finished the most grungy excavation in the history of archeology. “Sorry, I’ve been digging,” he said.

He was deeply ashamed for her to see him like this. He couldn’t decide if it was the dirt, or the fact that he was dressed in SGC clothes. But he felt shame and guilt, and he wanted to take back everything he’d ever done in his life. Under his fingernails, there was blood. His own… he thought.

But she smiled at him, as if he were worthy. “You still have not heard.”

Daniel frowned. He’d heard those words before somewhere. “Heard what?”

She touched his cheek, and he almost shied away, not wanting her to dirty her beautiful hands with his filth. But he didn’t move in time, and her fingertips connected, and he felt them, along with a rush of nostalgia so acute it was physically painful. “If you immediately know the candlelight is fire…”

This time, he jumped away from her, and knew he was dreaming. But his shock and irritation at hearing Oma’s words from Sha’re’s lips died under the sense that somehow this was of grave importance. “…the meal was cooked a long time ago,” he finished. “By the time we perceive a moment, it’s already happened. We always live in the past, even if it’s just by microseconds.”

She nodded… and shook her head in one gesture. “It has special meaning for you, Daniel.”

He hesitated, thinking furiously. “I’m literally living in the past.”

“Yes!” she said urgently. “You are cooking the meal. You still have not heard.”

“Heard what?” he repeated.

And he was standing on the wrong side of those prison bars in the basement of Ra’s palace. “No,” he said, because he’d already lived this hell - four years ago. The blood under his fingernails wasn’t his, after all.

“Daniel, just listen!” Jack snapped. His tone was forceful, but his eyes were so gentle they scared Daniel. “You could be happy here. You, of all people. You can get this rebellion done, and then you can go exploring, or… or get married again.”

Daniel shook his head. In two days, Jack would be dead, along with Sam and Teal’c, and Daniel would bury them outside the settlement, and then he would work and work and work for four years, trying to help, trying to forget, the weight of the whole future on his shoulders and no one to…

“Daniel,” Jack continued more softly, so Sam and Teal’c couldn’t hear. “This is all my fault, and I’m sorry. But I swear, if you let this change you, I’ll come back and kick your ass myself.”

Daniel felt a shock. He was cold. “You’re not going to die,” he said automatically. “There’s always a way out.”

Jack continued in an even tone, like he was remarking on what happened to tomatoes when you left them out in the sun. “I’ve brought you nothing but trouble from the very beginning.”

Daniel stared at him. “What? That’s not true. You-”

Much too quietly for Sam and Teal’c to hear, Jack whispered, “You gave me back my soul, Daniel. And I couldn’t even give you back your wife.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No, you gave…” Daniel sat up, violently startled by the sound of his own voice - then he saw Teal’c sitting nearby on the dirt floor of the tent. “Sorry.”

“Do you experience the same dream often?” Teal’c asked.

Daniel sighed. “Not exactly the same dream, just always the same ending.” The addition of Sha’re speaking Oma was a new and unnerving one. Something he still hadn’t heard?

“Would it benefit you to discuss the dream?”

Daniel smiled a little. “I appreciate the offer, but it’s just your basic wish-fulfillment, Teal’c. It always ends with me saying something I wish I’d said at a particular moment in real life.”

“’You gave me so much.’” Teal’c inferred. He’d heard the full phrase the other night, when Daniel had woken himself up the same way as tonight. “To whom do you wish you had said these words?”

Daniel shook his head. “Actually… I’m not sure I’ve ever said those words to anyone who deserved to hear them.” He tilted his head to one side and looked at Teal’c through lidded eyes, as if daring him to offer reassurance.

“Deeds express emotions more palpably than words,” Teal’c remarked.

Daniel shook his head. “Not if the reasons behind them are…” A fraud. That was the shame of the dream. If this is about being honest with yourself, he’d told Oma, I believe my entire life has been a failure. He’d never felt the need for self-honesty more strongly than he’d felt it tonight, at the party. Everyone thought he was a savior.

Such a crock of shit.

He’d told a reporter that Janet had given him a lot more than he ever gave back, but had he ever told her? When he’d heard George Hammond refer to him as a “very close friend”, it had unnerved him, for god’s sake. He’d assumed Sam was just trying to comfort the dying when she’d told Daniel he’d changed her… but the last time he’d ever seen her eyes, when she’d been the one dying, they’d said it again. And Teal’c… Teal’c’s love didn’t scare him so much because they’d always known eventually Teal’c would move on.

Just like Daniel. In the end, Daniel would always move on. He always had. Being loved was one of the few responsibilities in life he couldn’t bear to take.

Dying for people was easy. So easy to be a hero to millions when you were too much of a coward to love just one. Jack had understood that, or so he’d thought. That was why they’d never voiced what they meant to each other - not even when Daniel was dying, or when Jack was dying and Daniel was supposedly some enlightened being. Jack hadn’t wanted the responsibility of being loved, either. And so they’d known but never acknowledged how much they loved each other. It worked for them.

And then Jack had cheated, at the very last minute, putting love into words and forcing Daniel to live every day of the rest of his life with the knowledge that he’d affected someone. And he was still so angry about it, he could hardly look at this new Jack without wondering: did he ever really know me, or did he know the fraud everyone else sees? Only the fraudulent Daniel could have been credited with giving someone back his… God, he couldn’t believe Jack had said something so… Had any of them - his original team, the one he’d spent eight years with (apparently his shelf life for families) - ever really known him at all?

They’d tried, he had to admit. But he’d been too private, too preoccupied, too insensitive to notice the people he loved needed to hear it. He’d forced himself to openly adore Sha’re because he’d thought he was finally properly trapped and they were building a forever together. But then he’d unburied the gate, hadn’t he? And when he’d lost her before she had a chance to lose him, that had buried his guilty secret. Cemented the legend. Poor Daniel, losing his wife. Poor Daniel, losing his parents. Was that where it had begun? He knew what a child felt for his parents at the age of eight wasn’t what adults called love: there was too much need bound up in it. Too much dependence. Maybe he’d learned to expect loss to follow dependance, so whenever he felt dependence starting, he looked for a gate to unbury.

If mutual dependence was a requirement, he’d never loved anyone. Briefly, in the beginning, he’d depended on Jack. As hard as he’d fought it, he’d needed him. But eventually, as soon as he could swing it, he’d become the rock and Jack had begun to depend on him. He’d prided himself on that. But now he wondered if all he’d accomplished was to keep Jack at arm’s length and maybe even weaken the man. That last year, when Jack had become a general, had been so strange. So…

You still have not heard. He snapped back to the present.

“I’ve got to go,” he said suddenly, jumping up from his bedroll and looking around the tent in the darkness.

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “Was it not your intention to wait until morning, so that O’Neill could accompany you?”

Daniel turned to face him. He couldn’t lie to Teal’c, but he had a feeling his eyes were speaking volumes. “This is something I have to do on my own, Teal’c. Tell Jack… tell him I’ll be back. Unless something goes wrong.” He put his outer robe on and grabbed his zat and the bag of gear he’d packed.

“Daniel,” Teal’c began.

Daniel turned back to him at the tent flap, and felt his face tightening against the tears welling up behind his eyes.

Teal’c’s face softened. “See that you return safely.”

Daniel nodded, and stepped out into the cold desert night. The walk to the gate took a good half hour, and the night air chilled him to the bone as Sha’re’s message kept bouncing around in his head. In the dream, she’d seen the dirt and the blood on him and still loved him. A few years ago, he’d been certain she’d never seen him for what he really was, but now he wondered. Maybe not everyone had seen either the fraud or the real Daniel; maybe they’d seen a third version he couldn’t see. One that was just as valid as the others.

Finally, he came within sight of the stargate - the very same one he’d first encountered five thousand years from now in the bowels of Cheyenne Mountain - glinting in the desert moonlight. Which also glinted off a lone figure beside the DHD. Daniel lifted his zat automatically.

“Thought you were never going to show,” Jack called out.

Daniel hooked the zat back onto his belt and continued his approach. “Thought I told you first light.”

“Figured that meant you’d cut and run while it was still dark,” Jack replied coolly.

Daniel pulled up even with him and studied his face in the moonlight. The expression had a definite paternal component; Daniel had been caught in the act, and Jack had demonstrated himself capable of outsmarting him. Shivering, Daniel said evenly, already knowing the outcome, “This is something I need to do alone.”

Jack tilted his head. “And you will. I’ll just be there while you’re doing it alone.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Even for you, that’s illogical.”

“Maybe you didn’t hear me, Daniel,” Jack said with mock patience. “I’m going with you… wherever it is you’re going.”

Daniel stared at him, replaying the words. He knew it was just a coincidence, that the dream had come from his own mind, and that was where he’d find the meaning of it. But it occurred to him that maybe what parents felt for little boys wasn’t what adults called love, either. There was too much blind devotion built into it, too much protectiveness.

“I heard you,” he said, and dialed the address for Kheb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was midday on Kheb, but it looked the same as Daniel remembered. He led Jack through the forest, and felt fairly certain he was going in the right direction.

Speaking of right directions, now that he was finally here, he had to wonder about this plan. Something told him it was right - some gut instinct he hadn’t heard anything from in a long time - and yet on the surface it was such a huge risk to the timeline he was surprised Sam had acquiesced.

“What exactly can I expect to find here, Daniel?” Jack asked, scanning the landscape.

“I’m not sure, exactly,” Daniel replied. “When I was here last, we found a temple with a monk, and then… Oma.”

“Monk?”

Mouth failing to engage brain, Daniel murmured, “I’ve always wondered if maybe the monk was Shifu. I mean, Shifu seemed to have a corporeal body when he wanted to, but he was definitely ascended, and may have been able to appear in any form he deemed appropriate to the situation, and both of them seemed to be all about teaching…” He broke off to see Jack wincing as a shaft of sunlight broke through the cover and landed on his face.

“I understood ‘wondered’, ‘monk’ and ‘body’,” Jack remarked.

“Yeah, well,” Daniel shrugged. “The only threat here is Oma, and she won’t hurt us.”

“What if she does?”

“She won’t.”

“It’s been five thousand years in reverse, Daniel. How do you know?”

Daniel looked at him sharply. “Well, if she did decide to hurt us, there would be no defense.”

“You didn’t mention this before!”

“I told you she could control nineteen Jaffa!”

“Oh, so - what? It was implied?”

“Jack, you knew-”

A crow cawed somewhere in the distance, drawing their attention to… a path that led to the edge of the forest. Daniel gave Jack one last defiant look and followed the bird.

The path led them out of the forest and into a valley.

“That your temple?” Jack asked, pointing east.

Daniel’s breath hitched for a second, and a sort of low-grade anxiety settled on him. “Yes, it is.”

They took the rest of the walk in silence. At the temple, Jack was surprisingly compliant about leaving his weapons outside, and then Daniel led him inside.

The interior was the same as he remembered, too. Daniel’s anxiety was growing even though he knew somehow this was the right thing to do.

“No monk,” Jack commented.

One appeared then, about ten steps to Jack’s other side. Jack naturally jumped and reached for a gun that wasn’t there, but Daniel grabbed his arm and whispered, “She doesn’t have a physical body.” Whoever she was, she definitely wasn’t the same monk who’d greeted Daniel here all those years ago. Ahead. Whatever.

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” Jack whispered back.

The monk looked intently at Daniel. “The child is indeed the father of the man.”

Daniel narrowed his eyes as he struggled to interpret. Then he felt Jack watching him and turned to give him a what? look. Jack responded with a what? look of his own, and Daniel abruptly knew what he was thinking. “I don’t think she means you and me. I think she means… “

“Rivers run to the sea,” the monk continued. “But the sea is not the end. It is also the beginning.”

Jack turned his head to the side without taking his eyes off the monk. Then he frowned. “Why is she giving us a precipitation lesson, Daniel?”

Daniel frowned back at him, but he was right. The water from the seas evporated to form clouds, and the clouds rained down to replenish the rivers, and… “There’s no beginning or end?” he hazarded.

She cocked her head thoughtfully. “Rain also waters seedlings in the ground.”

Jack rolled his eyes. Daniel clenched his shut, thinking hard. “Okay, it seems like the river is the start of the cycle, and the sea is the end, but really the sea is also where the rivers come from, and it…” He was losing it.

Jack patted his shoulder reassuringly. Or condescendingly.

Suddenly Daniel got it. “And it has to be that way, because otherwise the water would never reach the seedlings!” The monk smiled approvingly. Excited, Daniel turned to Jack to get his reaction.

“I know I’m feeling enlightened,” Jack announced sarcastically.

Daniel turned away with a sour look, admonishing himself for having expected anything better. “So…” he turned back to the monk. “What does that mean?”

“That I like,” Jack said approvingly.

“What seeds have you come here to water?” she asked.

Daniel decided to try the direct approach. “I’m here to see Oma Desala.”

“She is everywhere,” the monk began. “She is all around-”

“I know,” Daniel interrupted, nervousness making him impatient. “I need to see if she’s willing to shelter some refugees and… not let them leave.”

“Imprisonment is not her way,” the monk commented.

Daniel bit back the urge to say I’m quite familiar with her way, thanks. “If I could just explain to her… this is the only way I know to avoid killing them. And I think it may be very important to the future.” God, that sounded lame.

The monk nodded solemnly. “Your seedlings.” She faded from view.

Holy shit. Daniel stared at Jack, hoping his imagination was running away with him and Jack had gotten what she really meant.

“Does she know we’re from the future?” Jack asked, blowing that hope out of the water.

“I’m not sure,” Daniel replied. “I mean, I don’t even know what she is. Is she an Ancient? If so, we know they knew how to time travel, but if that’s what she meant, then she must have some instinctive awareness of the ramifications of time travel, or… well, you’re from a different version of the future. Maybe she senses the… fracture.”

Jack put a hand on his shoulder again. “Easy, there, fella. No need to blow a gasket.”

“Yeah, but Jack,” he sighed, “that whole no-beginning, no-end thing she was talking about.”

“The precipitation lesson?”

“Yeah. The Moebius strip.” Off Jack’s blank look, he added, “When we were talking about time travel. The strip where you can’t avoid coming back to where you started, as long as you complete the journey.”

“Ah,” Jack nodded. “Taking what she said as confirmation?”

Daniel shrugged. “Maybe.” He still didn’t understand what any of it meant, really. He was going pretty much completely on intuition here.

To their right, a wall glowed.

“I think we…” Daniel gestured toward it.

Jack looked from Daniel to the wall and back to Daniel again.

“Or I can go alone,” Daniel offered.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Jack said hurriedly. “I’m not leaving you alone with somebody who can control nineteen Jaffa.”

“Come on,” Daniel nodded, leading him to the wall. He reached out, touching it tentatively, and it gave with his hand.

“Whoa!” Jack jumped.

“It’s okay,” Daniel said, and stepped through without waiting for him to follow - it was the quickest way to get him there. Daniel found himself in the next room - the one where the baby Shifu had been the other time he’d been here. This time, there was no crib. No furnishings of any kind.

Just Oma.

She appeared as she had the other time, a hazy face within a cloud of energy, regarding him silently. Daniel was aware of Jack stepping through the wall behind him and pulling up beside him silently.

“Oma,” Daniel finally managed. Sudden hot tears stung the back of his eyes as he remembered the diner, remembered her final punishment and redemption. But he kept it under control. “I… we are from Earth. The Tau’ri?” He watched her for any sign or recognition, but he was pretty sure she had no idea who he was or what he was babbling about. Then inspiration struck. “At. The first world. The world where the Ancients first evolved.” Still she regarded him silently, a gracious but not overtly comprehending expression on her face. “Uh…”

“We’d like to offload some Jaffa on you,” Jack tried. “Our only other alternative is to line ‘em up against a wall and shoot ‘em, because we have to be sure we’ve completely eliminated the Goa’uld threat from our little planet. But since the Jaffa aren’t really our enemy, and Daniel here believes someday they’ll rise up against the Goa’uld, he thought maybe you’d… like to…”

Whoa. She was floating closer to Daniel now.

“Hey,” Jack said warningly.

“It’s okay,” Daniel said automatically, and hoped he was right. He thought he knew what she was going to do. She was awfully close.

And suddenly, she was within. At least, that was the only way he could describe it. This had to be what Orlin had done with Sam. He felt Oma’s energy and presence so vividly he… it wasn’t memories exactly, but suddenly he remembered what ascension felt like. How it was so much bigger than anything else… and yet, in being so big, it sometimes missed the point entirely. Or maybe he’d just never understood. He remembered the disapproval of the others, and the ability to make the sort of promises he never could have in mortal form. Only… sometimes even an ascended being screwed up. Royally.

Oma was outside him again, facing him. He was pretty sure she hadn’t read anything about the future in his head, though he couldn’t say exactly why he thought that.

“You okay?” Jack whispered urgently.

Daniel nodded speechlessly, still locked in a stare with Oma.

She smiled. “Bring them.”

Daniel worked his mouth, but nothing came out at first. “Just like that?”

“Within, I understood your purpose,” she explained.

He felt a little shiver. “You didn’t understand anything else while you were in there, did you?”

“Only that which was intended for me,” she assured him.

Daniel stared at her. That was good. He guessed. Right? Had to be. “Okay. We’ll go get them.”

She smiled, and faded from view, leaving him and Jack alone in the room.

“That it?” Jack asked loudly into the silence, sounding like a grouchy old Siamese mewling for attention. Unbelievably, the man also chose that moment to bat his hand at an imaginary gnat, thus completing the effect.

“Yep,” Daniel said, turning away. “Let’s go.”

As they walked out of the temple and back toward the gate, Jack said, “You’re absolutely positive she can control nineteen Jaffa?”

Daniel barely glanced over at him, and grimaced. “Jack, I once saw her barbecue two thousand of them extra crispy.”

It took him a few steps to realize Jack wasn’t keeping up.; He turned to see him standing there gaping at Daniel with an apoplectic expression.

Putting on his very best confused blink, Daniel added, “Well, she did it to save us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teal’c wondered why only he had been allowed to witness this meeting. They stood in Daniel’s tent, with Teal’c watching Em’loc from the entrance.

“Em’loc,” Daniel asked, “have you ever heard of a place called Kheb?”

The Jaffa’s face went blank as he stared at Daniel. After a moment, he breathed, “Yes.”

“Good,” Daniel said thoughtfully. He used a low and soothing tone of voice. “And have you ever heard that it’s possible for a being like you or me to ascend to a higher plane of existence?”

Em’loc’s mouth fell open. “Yes,” he whispered. “I have heard the legends.”

Daniel nodded slowly. “I have experienced them.”

Em’loc dropped to one knee and bowed his head deeply. “My lord.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Daniel said, rushing forward to urge the man up by his shoulders. “The Ascended beings are not gods, anymore than the Goa’uld. They are very powerful, but they do not interfere in the lives of mortals, and the last thing they want is to be worshipped.”

Em’loc had risen again to a standing posture. Now he looked at Daniel with a mixture of confusion and awe.

“Besides all that,” Daniel added, “I returned to mortal form. I am flesh and blood, just like you.”

“Why?” the Jaffa managed.

Daniel looked pained. “I don’t think I was ready for ascension when it was offered to me.”

So O’Neill had been correct, then, in his guess that Daniel had escaped death by ascending. And Daniel had misled them with his reaction to that allegation.

“How, then, did you ascend?” Em’loc asked, his desire for knowledge finally overriding his awe.

“With the help of a being on Kheb,” Daniel explained. “I believe if you and the rest of your warriors are willing, she will help you make that journey.”

Em’loc narrowed his eyes speculatively. “And you offer us this rather than death? We are your enemy.”

“No, you’re not,” Daniel replied with sudden passion. “Em’loc, you have no more choice about serving the Goa’uld than humans do. Do you really want to serve the Goa’uld? Do you agree with the way they treat your people? With your dependence on them?”

Em’loc tilted up his chin, and worked his mouth for a moment before finally speaking. “A group of my brothers - warriors of Ishkur, before Ra took us - set out to find Kheb. To find enlightenment. They were never heard from again.”

Daniel looked at Teal’c for information, and Teal’c thought rapidly. “Ishkur. You speak of the warriors of the Sodan?” He had never heard that they searched for Kheb, but from childhood, he had heard the stories of Ishkur’s elite guard rebelling and never again serving the Goa’uld.

“Yes,” Em’loc confirmed. “We believed them killed.”

Daniel frowned. “I don’t know what happened to them, Em’loc. What I do know is that, if you allow us to take you and your warriors to Kheb, the Ancient there will help you ascend at the end of your natural lives.”

“You are certain this being will help us?” Em’loc asked uncertainly.

“I am,” Daniel said firmly.

Em’loc breathed deeply. “I will speak to the others.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They would be leaving soon - Daniel, O’Neill, Samantha, the Jaffa prisoners, and Teal’c. Daniel was attempting to take his final leave of the Egyptians quietly, but Teal’c had observed the crowd growing outside the tent. The natives would not be shortchanged their goodbye.

Katep wept as he spoke to Daniel in a heavy voice. “When you go, we will bury the gate and place over it a coverstone.”

“The coverstone should probably explain why you buried it,” Daniel mused.

“It will tell of you - all of you, and what you did for our people,” Katep announced with fierce pride.

But Daniel shook his head gently. “No, you… it can’t mention us, Katep.”

“Daniel,” Samantha said, “doesn’t it make the most sense if you wrote the coverstone?”

He stiffened and glanced over at her. “I didn’t write the coverstones.”

“You sure?” she continued. “Maybe that’s why the future you knew how to read them.”

This time, he stared at her in a confrontational manner. “No. It’s not.” Then, more gently, he added, “Katep already knew how to write before he ever met me. And it’s his style that appeared on the coverstones. Why I was able to translate them better than the others is…” He shrugged.

“Destiny,” O’Neill said softly.

Daniel frowned at him in surprise for a long moment before shrugging. “Let’s go,” he said quietly, and stepped outside the tent.

The natives surged forward, blocking their progress. Daniel attempted to keep moving, but the crowd closed in on him completely - and on the rest of them. Teal’c heard sounds of weeping, and Daniel was almost lost to view in a sea of hands reaching to touch his hair and face. He spoke to them softly, and Teal’c sensed his embarrassment and discomfort. Teal’c was certain Daniel felt a great measure of affection for the natives, but he seemed uncomfortable receiving their displays of love.

O’Neill and Samantha also endured caresses and embraces from the natives as generously as they could. Several natives even surprised Teal’c by coming close to touch him far more shyly than they touched the others. That they distinguished him so clearly from the Jaffa who had been the face of their slavery for so long moved him deeply.

A hush fell over the crowd abruptly, except for one lone female voice which rang above all others, her tone vacillating between pleading and accusatory. Teal’c followed the sounds in time to see Nepthuis fall silent and throw her arms around Daniel’s neck. She stood on her toes and reached up toward him, attempting to kiss his face. He turned one way, then another, and held her at arm’s length as he shook his head and spoke softly to her. But she drowned him out with protests, and suddenly he embraced her tightly, pressing her face to his shoulder with one hand as the other gently stroked her back. Others began to weep as well.

After a moment, Daniel pushed her away gently, turned his back on her and began walking toward O’Neill and Samantha. Nepthuis hurled one final accusation at Daniel - the tone angry, the words too soft to be heard from Teal’c’s position. Daniel winced, but continued walking resolutely. Teal’c also began to walk, reaching O’Neill and Samantha just as Daniel did.

“What was that about?” Samantha asked quietly.

Staring unhappily at the ground, Daniel gestured toward the edge of the campsite and began walking there. As they followed, he answered Samantha’s question. “She wanted to come with us. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Samantha shrugged. “It probably wouldn’t hurt the timeline any worse than the rest of what we’re planning.”

O’Neill raised an eyebrow at her. “She might have parents who feel differently.”

“That’s just it,” Daniel sighed. “She doesn’t.”

“What does she believe to be the nature of your relationship with her?” Teal’c asked curiously.

Daniel looked up at him briefly. “Her parents died just before we - I - showed up here. She started hanging around me constantly, wanting to learn reading and writing and anything else I could teach her. I tried to be a little bit of a mentor to her. She was nine at the time. Then a couple of years later…” He failed to complete the sentence.

Samantha looked at him sagely. “Teenage crush?”

“Something like that,” he confirmed. “It wasn’t helped by the fact that… well, given the culture, I don’t think it would have exactly seemed odd to anyone if I’d married her when she came of age.” He made a helpless gesture with his hand.

They reached the last tent in the settlement, and Daniel led them inside and to the trapdoor in the floor.

“I’m surprised they didn’t have you married off already,” O’Neill commented.

Daniel opened the trapdoor, turned around and started down the ladder. “The Egyptians in my timeline didn’t have blue eyes,” he responded wryly.

“Often,” O’Neill put in, equally wryly.

Daniel glared mildly at him before disappearing beneath the floor, down to the tunnel that led to the Jaffa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as they’d carefully herded all the captive Jaffa out of the woods and into the vale that led to the temple, Teal’c looked around, his face filling with awe, and said, “Kheb.”

“Kheb,” Daniel confirmed, smiling slightly.

“It is beautiful,” Em’loc said from behind him. He sounded mildly surprised and decidedly pleased.

Daniel nodded. “Yes, it is.”

As Em’loc turned back to his men, instructing them to follow Daniel without incident, Teal’c stood beside Daniel for a moment, getting his attention.

“At the end of your life, will you return here to ascend?” Teal’c asked quietly.

Daniel ignored the little tremor that swept through him. “I… I don’t know.”

Teal’c looked around at the others, and at the landscape. “My symbiote will mature within a year or two. Where we intend to travel, in the distant future, there will be no others for me to take.”

“I think I can get you some tretonin from the SGC when we get back to Colorado,” Daniel assured him. “That’s the medication I told you about, that allows Jaffa to live without symbiotes.”

Teal’c frowned at him in fascination. Then he bowed his head. “But when the time comes…”

“Teal’c,” Daniel cut him off softly. “If I can help you ascend - when the time comes - I will.”

As they walked to the temple, Daniel was starting to feel better about the whole thing. The loss of ancient Egypt wasn’t hitting him yet, but then it had never been Abydos. Never been home. He wasn’t looking forward to stopping by the SGC in 2005 to make sure the timeline had been repaired, but he’d get through it. And after that… who knew? Maybe they’d have incredible adventures. Maybe Teal’c would live a long, happy life and the closeness the two of them shared now would deepen and expand. Maybe eventually it wouldn’t hurt everytime he looked at this Jack. Or maybe at least it wouldn’t hurt when this Jack and Sam eventually gave up trying to get close to Daniel and concentrated instead on each other, and the ease that came with a relationship neither of them had much invested in.

And worst case - or possibly best case - maybe this time when Daniel died, he would stay dead. Like the Stones sang, you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.

Whatever that was. Daniel shook himself out of the gloom that was threatening to return as they neared the temple. The sun was setting behind it, the sky all soft peach and yellow and dotted with stars and the beginnings of that Aurora Borealis-style lightshow that came over Kheb with nightfall. The Jaffa slowed, staring in amazement, the very quietness of their approach expressing their profound reverence for the place. Then they stopped.

Oma stood - or floated - outside the temple, smiling faintly at Daniel.

“Hello.” He nodded to her. He thought for a moment how he should introduce the Jaffa to her, and her to them, and whether he should try to explain to them how their lives here would unfurl, even though he didn’t actually know… and then suddenly there was no need. Oma had everything under control.

Daniel turned to the Jaffa behind him, and unexpectedly made eye contact with Jack. “We can go,” he said softly, feeling a little bit light and strange. “It’s done.”

Jack nodded slowly, and Daniel knew he must be feeling it, too. Even Sam looked spooked, like she felt something she wasn’t about to acknowledge. Teal’c was transfixed, staring at Oma.

Em’loc stepped forward to Daniel. “We owe you our gratitude,” he said solemnly.

Daniel started to deny it, but then he just nodded as Em’loc clasped his arm in the traditional Jaffa style. They’d reached an understanding somehow, and Daniel sensed he would guide the other Jaffa well, and they would indeed plant the seeds of the Jaffa rebellion. He felt sure, finally, that everything was unfolding just as it needed to. He was cooking the meal. And then he remembered the one last thing he needed to do, to complete the original legend. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the handheld computer Nepthuis had stolen from Seth’s quarters. Teal’c had said the original Jaffa rebels had stolen a tablet that contained information about Kheb, and Daniel figured this was close enough.

“This contains information about ascension,” Daniel said, presenting it to Em’loc. “You probably don’t really need it with Oma, but I think it’s meant to be yours.”

Em’loc took the device, studied it for a moment, then put it in a pouch on his belt. “I shall not forget you, Daniel Jackson. We will see each other again.”

Daniel frowned slightly. “We will?”

“When you ascend, at the end of your natural life,” Em’loc added.

“Ah,” Daniel replied softly. “Perhaps.”

Now Em’loc frowned. “Will you not be able to ascend again?”

“I’m not sure,” Daniel answered truthfully. “And even if I could… it may or may not be my path.”

“My friend,” Em’loc said soberly, “if the options are death or everlasting enlightenment, I see no choice.”

Time stopped.

At least, it felt like every cell in Daniel’s body had frozen in place, refusing to move on into a future he now understood in a whole new way. Still haven’t made up your mind, huh? Anubis had said in the diner, when he was still “Jim”. Death or everlasting enlightenment. I don’t really see the choice, myself.

Surely those words alone weren’t enough to merit the conclusion… and yet he knew. He had heard. He was cooking the dinner. And for the first time, he thought maybe he finally understood the metaphor of Oma “serving” Daniel in the diner while refusing to serve Anubis.

Oh, god… what had he done?

He had no idea how Em’loc’s symbiote would survive to take a host, but somehow it would - perhaps even Em’loc himself. And it would leave Kheb somehow - perhaps even with Oma’s permission. And it would return several thousand years from now, and she would believe both host and symbiote worthy of ascension, and she would help them. And Daniel had brought him right to her, given him every tool he needed.

He’d brought Anubis to Oma.

“Are you well, Daniel Jackson?” asked Em’loc in a concerned tone.

He struggled to work his mouth. Just two syllables: I’m fine. Even a yeah would suffice. He couldn’t even manage that. He pulled his hand from Em’loc’s grip and walked away without taking his eyes off the ground.

“You all done?” Jack was asking.

Daniel didn’t remember walking back to the edge of the vale where Jack stood watching everything. “Yeah,” he finally managed. “Let’s go.”

Continue to Part 5.