It was one of those days...
I hate myself.
Yesterday i wanted to make him bleed to death b/c of what that person said. I took a drive after work. It didn't help much, yet i don't want to speak to others about this. No one would understand. The only people that would understand is my whole family. They had to suffer 18 years of this torment, what am I saying?! I HAD TO SUFFER 18 YEARS OF THIS TORMENT. I wanted to hurt all those people, you have no idea how much i wanted to hurt them. Make them suffer for what they did to me. At the same time I envy them for what they have. I even envy my family. I go about the day saying to myself, no one notices, you are NORMAL. I realized over my 18 yrs of existence i will never be the object of someones desire/lust. What is the point of trying anymore? You will get attached to one person and you live every day believing they "will be the one" yet that person will never return that feeling. School is the perfect distraction for me.
I have not decided where I will be moving, yet i know what i want in that house.
Yesterday i wanted to make him bleed to death b/c of what that person said. I took a drive after work. It didn't help much, yet i don't want to speak to others about this. No one would understand. The only people that would understand is my whole family. They had to suffer 18 years of this torment, what am I saying?! I HAD TO SUFFER 18 YEARS OF THIS TORMENT. I wanted to hurt all those people, you have no idea how much i wanted to hurt them. Make them suffer for what they did to me. At the same time I envy them for what they have. I even envy my family. I go about the day saying to myself, no one notices, you are NORMAL. I realized over my 18 yrs of existence i will never be the object of someones desire/lust. What is the point of trying anymore? You will get attached to one person and you live every day believing they "will be the one" yet that person will never return that feeling. School is the perfect distraction for me.
I have not decided where I will be moving, yet i know what i want in that house.