Family.
I really wonder about family. The relationships with them and the like. My sister for example. Ive been bothered quite a bit since our last interaction 07.09.11 More so then I initially cared to admit. Yet here I sit, caught in this perpetual gloom that flares up badly time to time. I tend ot think also, a little post partum depression makes it seem worse. (but we're gonna see a doctor to confirm that). (that's another story.)
We havent spoken since an argument (via *text message* mind you.) that started when I asked her to take down a photo I took off her small pet sitting service facebook page. Since I took the photo, and she never asked permission, well. No. I wont allow that :/ Had she asked ahead of time, or asked for some input, I woulda been fine.
Apparently this makes me a superbitch. with a perfect life.
Oh my. I was unaware I lived the life. I may live in an apartment with my husband and sprat, but surely my sister knows what credit card debt is. and bills.
There are times when I wish I could go back to living at dads, not paying any rent, or bills. Fucking off as I pleased after work. But I enjoy living in my own home; bills accepted, money managed (mostly) decently.
Sure. Perfect life. I don't hate on my life because of our mutual bills and the like. I could claim they are mostly his bills (since they mostly are) and refuse to pay them, but when you have a joint bank account, and you both work to reduce the amount owed, well, that's just foolish.
I dont harbor bitterness towards my sister. I harbor an irritated indifference because she chooses to apply herself foolishly.
"I can't find a job, you dont understand!" - bullshit. I was unemployed for months. I found a job because being unemployed is depressing and bad for the bank.
"You dont want me to succeed!" - More bullshit. I want you to become a functioning member of this family, pay your own way and show some intelligence. Get a job. Or start one - properly. Since your pet sitting service apparently needs licensing and the like. I'd hate to be you if an animal I was watching got hurt and you have no real records or licensing. You can get sued. And who'd you run to to help you pay that? dad.
"You never answer me!!" - Something to take into consideration; sister: I have a child; and am still recovering from a c section. Most of your texts don't merit a response and I don't really care to have all of our conversations via text. Either call, or leave me alone. I am tired; and run a house hold largely alone. Besides; you never once messaged me about a photo, or pet sitting service.
She also blocked my husband and I on facebook. I guess I got 'told'. She since removed this block, and I think is either waiting for me to break down and 'add' her again, or just dosn't care. That's fine, it's just a social networking site. I live 45 minutes from where she lives (with our dad) anyhow.
What hurts more, yes, I do feel hurt from time to time, is that when I DO go visit dad, she refuses to come out, claiming offense. The niece she claimed to be so excited for, has yet to meet her aunt. Can't say I really want her negativity near Zoe any how.
My former roomate mentioned that I am an expert of sorts on tough love, and give this, he felt, too much to my sister. I wish people could see her the way I do - a woman stuck on revolving wheel of self pity, anger, and indolence, and is pretty damn jealous of those with jobs and stable relationships.
How many times have I heard her complain about her boyfriend person. thing. guy. ? Countless. And she's still with him, and lies that she's not really involved with him. Apparently I judge too much. I can't really take a man seriously when the first time I met him was at 330am, picking my sister up for a date, when I was getting ready to leave for work.
I never saw the guy in decent hours till much later. I still, to this day get the japes from this guy. He borrowed an unknown sum of money from my dad, and has yet to pay him back. He's being treated for a cancer; shitty deal. Yes. It's treatable however. Hurray!
But apparently, accordingly to my sister, he's such an asshole, a prick, insensitive.
But 'I love him so much!'.
Right.
"Every time I think of her, I can't help but see a scared little girl"
This is the shit I dislike. Being kind, generous and the like dosn't help her. Nor does my supposed over abundance of 'tough love'.
I like to think our mother raised us; to be sensible. We always warred with each other as kids. I never understood why. I watched her get coddled and babied all our lives because of 'learning disabilities" and stuff. I was the one who stood up for her when the kids at school picked on her, or called unsavory names because of an embarrassing habit she harbored for a long, long time. Partially out of laziness. Maybe I'm sick of watching her get carried through life when I worked to get as far as I have.
She resented me then, and still to this day, treats me like I'm the enemy. Yet has on occasion acted kindly and helpful. I can't though, recall a holiday function I was part of that didnt involve her having some horrific fucking attitude. It's enough to make a person not really want to bother.
But here we are ignoring each other like high school bitches. I don't have many other options. Part of me wants badly to reconcile and mend this latest rift. Another part of me says, "Fuck this shit." Another part still says "and again..".
I kind of refuse to poke at her and try to make amends. Ive tried always to be there for her, and I still am. Like a retard. Like a sister : \
The main thing here I realize: I miss my chatter box. I just don't want to stupid drama : \
That's what hurts the most I think. She's a great person when she's not trying to over do it and be dramatic and shit. As much as I accept my sister is a loud, shrill person, energetic and amazing; I can't abide the leanings towards feeling offended, the nasty outbursts of temper and the sneaky crap.
So I end up doing what I've watched my dad do all my life with various outbursts from my mother (whom was pretty high strung, which is where my sister and I get some of our funky temper)(I don't claim to be problem free.): Sit it out, in a quiet brooding silence. Speaking when it gets really stupid.
Forever in silence, to the person I really should just punch in the tits, yell at soundly and then hug; and tell her I love her.
We havent spoken since an argument (via *text message* mind you.) that started when I asked her to take down a photo I took off her small pet sitting service facebook page. Since I took the photo, and she never asked permission, well. No. I wont allow that :/ Had she asked ahead of time, or asked for some input, I woulda been fine.
Apparently this makes me a superbitch. with a perfect life.
Oh my. I was unaware I lived the life. I may live in an apartment with my husband and sprat, but surely my sister knows what credit card debt is. and bills.
There are times when I wish I could go back to living at dads, not paying any rent, or bills. Fucking off as I pleased after work. But I enjoy living in my own home; bills accepted, money managed (mostly) decently.
Sure. Perfect life. I don't hate on my life because of our mutual bills and the like. I could claim they are mostly his bills (since they mostly are) and refuse to pay them, but when you have a joint bank account, and you both work to reduce the amount owed, well, that's just foolish.
I dont harbor bitterness towards my sister. I harbor an irritated indifference because she chooses to apply herself foolishly.
"I can't find a job, you dont understand!" - bullshit. I was unemployed for months. I found a job because being unemployed is depressing and bad for the bank.
"You dont want me to succeed!" - More bullshit. I want you to become a functioning member of this family, pay your own way and show some intelligence. Get a job. Or start one - properly. Since your pet sitting service apparently needs licensing and the like. I'd hate to be you if an animal I was watching got hurt and you have no real records or licensing. You can get sued. And who'd you run to to help you pay that? dad.
"You never answer me!!" - Something to take into consideration; sister: I have a child; and am still recovering from a c section. Most of your texts don't merit a response and I don't really care to have all of our conversations via text. Either call, or leave me alone. I am tired; and run a house hold largely alone. Besides; you never once messaged me about a photo, or pet sitting service.
She also blocked my husband and I on facebook. I guess I got 'told'. She since removed this block, and I think is either waiting for me to break down and 'add' her again, or just dosn't care. That's fine, it's just a social networking site. I live 45 minutes from where she lives (with our dad) anyhow.
What hurts more, yes, I do feel hurt from time to time, is that when I DO go visit dad, she refuses to come out, claiming offense. The niece she claimed to be so excited for, has yet to meet her aunt. Can't say I really want her negativity near Zoe any how.
My former roomate mentioned that I am an expert of sorts on tough love, and give this, he felt, too much to my sister. I wish people could see her the way I do - a woman stuck on revolving wheel of self pity, anger, and indolence, and is pretty damn jealous of those with jobs and stable relationships.
How many times have I heard her complain about her boyfriend person. thing. guy. ? Countless. And she's still with him, and lies that she's not really involved with him. Apparently I judge too much. I can't really take a man seriously when the first time I met him was at 330am, picking my sister up for a date, when I was getting ready to leave for work.
I never saw the guy in decent hours till much later. I still, to this day get the japes from this guy. He borrowed an unknown sum of money from my dad, and has yet to pay him back. He's being treated for a cancer; shitty deal. Yes. It's treatable however. Hurray!
But apparently, accordingly to my sister, he's such an asshole, a prick, insensitive.
But 'I love him so much!'.
Right.
"Every time I think of her, I can't help but see a scared little girl"
This is the shit I dislike. Being kind, generous and the like dosn't help her. Nor does my supposed over abundance of 'tough love'.
I like to think our mother raised us; to be sensible. We always warred with each other as kids. I never understood why. I watched her get coddled and babied all our lives because of 'learning disabilities" and stuff. I was the one who stood up for her when the kids at school picked on her, or called unsavory names because of an embarrassing habit she harbored for a long, long time. Partially out of laziness. Maybe I'm sick of watching her get carried through life when I worked to get as far as I have.
She resented me then, and still to this day, treats me like I'm the enemy. Yet has on occasion acted kindly and helpful. I can't though, recall a holiday function I was part of that didnt involve her having some horrific fucking attitude. It's enough to make a person not really want to bother.
But here we are ignoring each other like high school bitches. I don't have many other options. Part of me wants badly to reconcile and mend this latest rift. Another part of me says, "Fuck this shit." Another part still says "and again..".
I kind of refuse to poke at her and try to make amends. Ive tried always to be there for her, and I still am. Like a retard. Like a sister : \
The main thing here I realize: I miss my chatter box. I just don't want to stupid drama : \
That's what hurts the most I think. She's a great person when she's not trying to over do it and be dramatic and shit. As much as I accept my sister is a loud, shrill person, energetic and amazing; I can't abide the leanings towards feeling offended, the nasty outbursts of temper and the sneaky crap.
So I end up doing what I've watched my dad do all my life with various outbursts from my mother (whom was pretty high strung, which is where my sister and I get some of our funky temper)(I don't claim to be problem free.): Sit it out, in a quiet brooding silence. Speaking when it gets really stupid.
Forever in silence, to the person I really should just punch in the tits, yell at soundly and then hug; and tell her I love her.