it's been a bad year, so let me sleep in one more day
so I kind of broke down today. For the past year I've been trying to get through life at home, roll everything off my back, follow the notion that everything happens for a reason and stay positive, but it's been hard lately. Seems like my usual tolerance for the stupidity of everything around me was tested to great lengths. I didn't want to get into everything because I already sobbed once today, and vented to my sister and DJ (who gave me the best pep talk).
Even my subconscious is having a tough time dealing, cause all of my dreams last night were filled with huge feelings of neglect, violent arguments, drama, and generally feeling like shit. And when I woke up everything seemed to hit at once and I just started crying. A little backstory; work has been dreadful. Most of the time, I get there and put on a game face, taking charge and getting shit done and taking all the customers. Well, due to some poor scheduling I won't have a day off for eleven days. And I get there and just, ugh. I'm ready to go home. Usually, when we're slow I'll find extra work to do cause I'm just a good employee like that, but this week I had four closing shifts, so I didn't give a crap and just sat and did nothing. Then, the other day I left my manager a note about bread (something like there was no delivery for night crew, and this is the 3rd time that's happened) and she actually wrote a note back, really snarky, all "excuse me? Your bread was in the proofer, we don't have to leave you shit, it's not the 3rd time, blahblah" I just laughed and threw the notes away.
But what really pissed me off is finding out Tera and Pam (assist. mang. and mang.) were talking about it all morning shift, complaining about me, saying "who does she think she is", and ready to fire me. Really? over at NOTE. about bread. These people, I swear. Their need to fester problems and make shit worse.
On top of this, there's sooo much Jon drama that I don't want to get into, but basically he's an asshole that I don't care to speak with again. Also, there was a no show at work yesterday so I had to cover it, after I had made plans, and as I was explaining myself to Jon he hangs up on me. WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE? I've never been hung up on more in my life that from these people I work with, and I never thought I was a hanging-up-on type of person. Their thirst for drama, it's unquenchable. DJ and I had a long discussion about how sad and pathetic these people's lives are, that they have nothing going for them and are stuck at a minimum wage job, so they need to create shit and everything is a big fuckin deal cause they hate their lives. ANYWAY, so I had to come in on my day off (which makes it the 11 days straight) and oh get this - the no show doesn't get fired, or even a warning, but I almost get fired over a note about bread?
Anyway, I still have 4 more days left till I get a day off (but I bet I'll be called in) and i'm almost scared now to ask for my birthday off, my manager's gonna bite my head off. Brian, my sister's boyfriend was telling me how much I need to get out of this place and find something new, and no shit, but I'm really going to try to find something else, even if it's just for two months. Everyday I get closer the moment where I say "fuck this" and walk out of the store. Oh, sometimes it's so bad I have fake fights in my head. Like, where I'm standing over everyone at work and calling them out on everything. And oh, it feels good. I want that moment so bad.
There. Ah. Does feel better. Well, I kind of made peace with everything when DJ and I talked, for once I didn't have to hold my tongue on my thoughts. I have been kissing Subway ass for almost a year, at some point there's a limit. I kind of have a new attitude towards work now; I'm not going to be a bitch, but I'm not going to take their crap anymore. I don't deserve it.
SO. To make myself feel better I finally got around to putting up a header, and OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS I LOVE IT. My lj looks so pretty now: bestthingaround. I want to see this movie again already. I may or may not have hulu-ed (?) some of star trek: the original series the other night. But I didn't get that far b/c I was loling at the sets and stuff.
Oh, and the inspiration behind the header: The wallpaper that I worked on for a good hour today. NGL I kind of love it. :)
p.s. check out the latest heavy_lights post, too ♥
Even my subconscious is having a tough time dealing, cause all of my dreams last night were filled with huge feelings of neglect, violent arguments, drama, and generally feeling like shit. And when I woke up everything seemed to hit at once and I just started crying. A little backstory; work has been dreadful. Most of the time, I get there and put on a game face, taking charge and getting shit done and taking all the customers. Well, due to some poor scheduling I won't have a day off for eleven days. And I get there and just, ugh. I'm ready to go home. Usually, when we're slow I'll find extra work to do cause I'm just a good employee like that, but this week I had four closing shifts, so I didn't give a crap and just sat and did nothing. Then, the other day I left my manager a note about bread (something like there was no delivery for night crew, and this is the 3rd time that's happened) and she actually wrote a note back, really snarky, all "excuse me? Your bread was in the proofer, we don't have to leave you shit, it's not the 3rd time, blahblah" I just laughed and threw the notes away.
But what really pissed me off is finding out Tera and Pam (assist. mang. and mang.) were talking about it all morning shift, complaining about me, saying "who does she think she is", and ready to fire me. Really? over at NOTE. about bread. These people, I swear. Their need to fester problems and make shit worse.
On top of this, there's sooo much Jon drama that I don't want to get into, but basically he's an asshole that I don't care to speak with again. Also, there was a no show at work yesterday so I had to cover it, after I had made plans, and as I was explaining myself to Jon he hangs up on me. WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE? I've never been hung up on more in my life that from these people I work with, and I never thought I was a hanging-up-on type of person. Their thirst for drama, it's unquenchable. DJ and I had a long discussion about how sad and pathetic these people's lives are, that they have nothing going for them and are stuck at a minimum wage job, so they need to create shit and everything is a big fuckin deal cause they hate their lives. ANYWAY, so I had to come in on my day off (which makes it the 11 days straight) and oh get this - the no show doesn't get fired, or even a warning, but I almost get fired over a note about bread?
Anyway, I still have 4 more days left till I get a day off (but I bet I'll be called in) and i'm almost scared now to ask for my birthday off, my manager's gonna bite my head off. Brian, my sister's boyfriend was telling me how much I need to get out of this place and find something new, and no shit, but I'm really going to try to find something else, even if it's just for two months. Everyday I get closer the moment where I say "fuck this" and walk out of the store. Oh, sometimes it's so bad I have fake fights in my head. Like, where I'm standing over everyone at work and calling them out on everything. And oh, it feels good. I want that moment so bad.
There. Ah. Does feel better. Well, I kind of made peace with everything when DJ and I talked, for once I didn't have to hold my tongue on my thoughts. I have been kissing Subway ass for almost a year, at some point there's a limit. I kind of have a new attitude towards work now; I'm not going to be a bitch, but I'm not going to take their crap anymore. I don't deserve it.
SO. To make myself feel better I finally got around to putting up a header, and OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS I LOVE IT. My lj looks so pretty now: bestthingaround. I want to see this movie again already. I may or may not have hulu-ed (?) some of star trek: the original series the other night. But I didn't get that far b/c I was loling at the sets and stuff.
Oh, and the inspiration behind the header: The wallpaper that I worked on for a good hour today. NGL I kind of love it. :)
p.s. check out the latest heavy_lights post, too ♥