Last Voyages // Entry 005. Audio. Filtered.
The following is filtered to John Connor:
"My husband is here." Her voice wavers; the cracks in Bellatrix's emotional dam are beginning to show. (Even without the visual.) But what will start to trickle, and eventually pour out from those cracks is unpredictable. It could be fury, or immense sorrow. The only thing that is certain is that Madame ( Read more... )
"My husband is here." Her voice wavers; the cracks in Bellatrix's emotional dam are beginning to show. (Even without the visual.) But what will start to trickle, and eventually pour out from those cracks is unpredictable. It could be fury, or immense sorrow. The only thing that is certain is that Madame ( Read more... )
When John gets the message, he doesn't respond. He turns his comm device over in his hand, contemplating. Later, after he's spoken to Martha and managed to talk his way out of the infirmary without anyone hypoing him into another sedative coma, he returns to his room to make sure the Admiral put Bellatrix's wand there, pulls on a jacket to cover up the bandages that still peek out from under his shirt, and then heads down to zero.
He's quiet as he walks down the hall. When he arrives, he merely looks through the bars at his inmate for a long moment - and then slowly sits down on the bench across from the cell door.
"What happened?"
Apparently, thanks to the lack of specificity, she is free to interpret his aim as she wishes.
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"I wanted to go home," seems a suitably vague answer to his delightfully unspecific question.
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"You know that I sympathize with you on that."
They talked about it. The fact that, if he could, he'd auto-pass her so that he could get his deal and go the fuck home. (If she'd read his file, she'd understand, too, about his mother; his feelings about people being held against their will run deep and visceral. Not even the knowledge of Bellatrix being what she is overrides that in him.)
But it's not possible. And now he's got a job to do.
"Talk me through what you did."
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Bellatrix's arrogance gets her into trouble, and it's a lesson she only learned too late. In some ways, she understands that this place is her second chance. But she doesn't correct her mistakes easily, and it's that same arrogance that caused her to burn the file she received without bothering to read it, as well as accept that offer.
"It isn't as though death is permanent here anyway." Her lip curls faintly. See? It'd hardly even have been a sin if she succeeded.
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John raises his eyebrows a little, an expression that faintly lends itself to concession. Sure, death doesn't stick. Maybe she was just hedging her bets - but that doesn't actually make it any better. Especially not to someone like him.
He leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands laced together, and looks up at her.
"You sold yourself."
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There's a glint in Bellatrix's dark eyes that betrays the enjoyment she's getting out of their conversation. Or perhaps specifically her playing devil's advocate.
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"I negotiated my terms on my own time, for my own reasons, and I was under no duress or threat of imprisonment as an alternative," he tells her, unmoved by the mania in her demeanor. "And I can leave any time I wish.
But yes. That's true."
Except for that list of shit that makes it completely not true, but whatever, get down with your bad self, Bellatrix.
"What made that a good deal?"
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"What made it a good deal for you? I get my heart's desire. Why wouldn't I take that?" Honestly. Thought you were smart for a Muggle. "Let's be honest. It isn't as though I'm opposed to spilling blood to get what I want." Which brings us back to why she's here on the Barge in the first place. "But if I'd succeeded, well... I'd have been out of your hair."
She sighs somewhat dramatically and rolls her eyes. "I'd at least have thought you'd have been impressed by my initiative."
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He does not. He really did negotiate, he really did have a choice, he really can leave. And he will, if the burden or threat ever begins to outweigh the potential benefits to the war. That's just how it is. It's hardly his fault that Bellatrix doesn't grasp that nothing that's gone on so far is actually worse than it is at home for John. Even the trip to the bridge was significantly less terrible than daily fucking life in his world.
"Okay." Sigh, lady.
"I'm not surprised that you'd take a deal to kill somebody to get out. I'm also not surprised you'd take a deal for the fuck of it, just to screw with people because you hate it here. I am surprised that you'd be dumb enough to take a deal with someone who was obviously grasping for last-ditch help before being outed, because I can't fathom in what world you'd think that would be a good idea."
Flagg, the blatant implication here would be, is below her.
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And really, that assessment that Flagg is beneath her is rather flattering. "Desperation makes people do foolish things," is the truth of it, though. "I'm not proud of it, but think of it as my grasping at whatever slim hope I thought might be there. I'd never have forgiven myself if I hadn't taken the deal and someone else had and succeeded." She'd also have gone on a terrible rampaging fit in that event. Perhaps fortunately for everyone all around, that wasn't the case?
Despite the supposed shame of it, the admission isn't all that grudging, as John might expect. As anyone rational might expect. "So what happens now?"
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He evades that question, because they're not done talking. Dealwithit.gif, Trixie.
"So your desperation," and he's still speaking in his typical even, low tone, almost slow - when he's not barking orders he seems oddly tranquil, "Led you to do... what, exactly? Obviously I heard about the tail end of your adventure, or you wouldn't be here, but did you wreak any havoc?"
John is not actually saying, 'So are you also not proud of getting your ass kicked by a little girl and accomplishing fuckall', but it kind of sounds like it, all the same.
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"No." Bellatrix's response is flat, and brimming with annoyance. "Despite my best attempts, I had no access to my magic. I thought if I could manage to track down someone with a wand, I could remedy that." That didn't go so well, as he may have heard. "I chose to ensure Lucius wouldn't bleed to death rather than make further attempts on the life of his Warden or the... child that came to his rescue."
Merlin's fucking beard, Connor. Would you just pin a medal on her chest and let her go home already? She is trying so hard! Can't you tell?
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"He wouldn't have bled to death from that," John says dully, as he thinks she's aware of that fact. "But it's nice that you prioritized his safety after manipulating him into making stupid decisions with you."
He's calling bullshit, basically. John doesn't believe for a second she bolted out of there for anyone besides herself.
"Do you know how we got the barge back to normal?"
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Maybe just this once Bellatrix did something that wasn't selfish. Maybe.
To his question, she shakes her head, eyes narrowing faintly. "I have no idea."
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He leaves the topic of Lucius alone, for now - it's something to inspect later, but this exchange isn't meant for breakthroughs, merely to poke her around and see if he can rattle out any perspective. The way he speaks to her is in turns a commanding officer talking an errant soldier through debriefing and someone trying not to needle her; John is protective of Bellatrix, yes, in that way only those burdened with the inherent need to be good people are, but he's also exasperated by her. He'll go to the mat against anyone harassing, but he's going to roll his eyes at some of this shit behavior ( ... )
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And make no mistake, that infuriates her. But she keeps it hidden, for now, under a placid façade. "One magical entity cannot hope to stand against a mob the size of the one here on the Barge," Bellatrix reasons coolly. "Flagg had the potential to accomplish what he wanted, I suspect, but he lacked the support and organisation to do it."
There's a broader implication to what she's saying. One that can be turned back on her and the events of her own life. Whether or not she realises it, she's drawing parallels.
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